Grandparents, two elderly people in our family. Children are very fond of them; they are almost like good friends who enjoy playing with each other. The common thing is both are at the stage of enjoying their life. Grandparent support, guide and assist in raising children. My phone call with my in laws longs for more than an hour every day and ends with number of suggestions and advices for my kid by them. Today as both parents are working it becomes duty of grandparents to take care of children. Children love it when their grandparents pick them up from schools and classes. My daughter enjoys sharing each and every thing with her grandfather on phone call.
But, it cannot be their duty to take care of your children, they are not babysitters. They have done their part of parenting and so should we. Basically due to joint family system we tend to think that grandparents are supposed to take care of children when parents go to office. This thought process is just because we live together in one house. There is very clear order passed by Pune court against a maintenance plea by a lady saying’ its duty of parents and not the grandparents to take care of the children. They should not be burdened to babysit grandchildren by compromising their relaxation, entertainment and travel plans.
Almost 40% of ladies are unhappy if not getting support from their in laws in taking care of kids. They hold in laws responsible for putting children in crèche. Do they not have the right to enjoy their freedom in their own way? The fact is unknowingly we take them for granted. We should always have a system of asking before handing over the Child responsibility to them, ultimately they end up starting from scratch OF PARENTING.
Coming back to joint family, we actually expect them to skip their relaxation time, or Satsang time and run behind your little one, feed him till you reach home. You at times take liberty to send the last mail and reach home late, but they cannot have their own right to spend their time as they want.
Secondly grandparents may have different parenting approach and not all parents may be comfortable with it. Simple thing like afternoon nap to which you are not comfortable as the child may take long to sleep at night, but the oldies need an afternoon rest and may expect the child to have a nap.
We women want both the world our financial freedom and the family time and expect children to be bought up our way. You will definitely go through awkward situation in such case. Sometimes we are quite due to obligations, but at some point that may erupt in wrong way. Similarly, they may adjust for some time but later it may come up in different way of unpleasant experience.
A very thoughtful decision I took once I gave birth to my baby, I realized she is my husband and my prime the responsibility, hence I gave up my job to make peace with mother and carrier oriented girl in me. I was, and I am able to bring her up in my own way. Also, this avoided the unpleasant situation in me and my in laws. Leaving the job somewhere I felt like I lost my so-called independence in form of earnings, but with help my husband we both achieved happiness and peace of mind which I valued more over money!
During all this I realized grandparents need their own time personal space and would always love to live the way they want, like the way we want at this age. Growing older is not taking care of grandchildren. As a parent they must have sacrificed as we do for our kids, so why do they have keep doing same at this age of life.
You’re in laws may definitely adore your children more than you, but that doesn’t mean they would love to change diapers and feed them now and then. It’s primarily your duty and result of your decision. So take the decision of having a child only when you are ready to take the diaper changing responsibility.
Do not keep sulking about not getting their support, take charge of your parenthood. Believe me you will be a happier and peaceful Parent nurturing your child.
Oldies in our house are together for few more years. Yes that’s the fact, and they need to share some pleasant and lovely moments with each other. They may also have some memories to remember, some dreams yet to accomplish. They also had struggled life of their part and want to be at peace. Life is different now; we live in nuclear families, enjoy weekends, have parties, and live on our conditions. The generation whom we call grandparents lived in joint family, had more of social responsibilities. They had weekend but not like us to enjoy and party. Remember what your parents did on weekends. They are at phase where any one of them may leave another forever. They are more of friends now than husband and wife.
Let them live their way have peace and enjoy the retirement just sitting in the chair looking calmly at each other.
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