My Neighbourhood aunty inspired me to write this blog. She is almost in her seventies, all alone. Uncle expired last year resulting her to stay alone. She had three daughters all married.
She recently shifted near my place. Aunty was bit reserved earlier. She used to take tuitions for kids. Sudden announcement of lockdown stopped her tuitions and simultaneously blocked her mode of getting busy. More than money I guess it was her tool of spending her day. One day while I was cleaning the veranda, she also happened to open the door. I smiled and that is where conversations started.
I helped her with a self help book and started talking to her assisting her as and when needed. But I guess that was not enough. I wished I could do something more for her.
Finally the catch was she was suffering because of the loneliness. She kept thinking and that was hurting her. She was unable to sleep. After discussion with her, I happened to talk to of my husband’s uncle, whose wife –Aunty expired a year back. He was also alone but he was managing. He was also facing challenges living alone in his house.
Losing a spouse can be devasting whether the death is sudden or as result of prolonged illness. Between intense emotions, lifestyle changes and many practical considerations that accompany the death of spouse, one feels anxious and over whelmed about future.
It’s difficult to live without a partner with whom you have spend some years of your life to the extent of getting used to each other. It’s like a habit. You never know how death would come? Facing sudden change in life is very difficult and painful. It can be overcomed by doing some things for your own self as follows-
Go easy on yourself: There is no right way to feel after your spouse is no more. Various variables contribute to your feelings like how long you both lived happily, about your children’s age and how dependant you are. You may feel heartbroken anxious and shocked. You may feel less fortunate to live without him/her. Your friend and family may not know what to say and how to console, doesn’t mean they do not care. You may want to talk about your spouse but they may avoid doing so to avoid hurting you.
You should have your individual routine: Many times we have collective routines. But your routine should not be hampered by loss of spouse or any others actions. Do not hold back, follow your routine strictly. Keep yourself busy, even resting should be part of your busy routine. Do not overload your or be harsh, just have your time, take rest have peace of mind, from where ever you get it. Have light activities to cheer your mood. Like playing with your grandchildren, just visiting park with them.
Dealing with your interests: Your partner’s interest may differ from yours. You may or may not have taken up your interests when your spouse was around. You should be in touch of your interests. Give some time for your hobbies and ideas. Spend some time alone the ME time. It is seen that partners follow each others lives and dislikes. They actually forget their interests. You should have your list of things to do so that you keep yourself occupied. If you like reading, try read more positive books. Self help books in such situation can be good mind exercise. If you were associated with some activities go for it, like painting, gardening.
Practicing Yoga and exercise: Doing exercise and Yoga should be as important as we breathe. Yoga not only helps you keep physically fit but helps you keep your mind calm and healthy. You should have enough sleep, as resting is best tool to good health. Keep a fixed routine of workout; join yoga class or a walking group if needed to mind the routine. Having accompany may push you or encourage you to do activities keep you moving and healthy.
Having healthy diet: Eating healthy food, having good diet, is very important to stay healthy. Always have fresh and warm food. Ensure you eat fresh vegetables and fruits. Maintain your food intake rather than drowning in sorrow by excessive drinking or crying, or even thinking. You have no appetite but you will have to keep good diet.
Surround yourself with positive people: Always have good and positive people around you. Try and join a group may be Yoga class, Kitty group, Satsang, anything that interests you. Seek support avoid feeling lonely and depressed. You may likely turn inward, but you will feel better if you seek support, love, care from friend, family even religious committees. At times joining group of people who are grieving may also help. If you had some group you were a part of as a couple, share your feelings there, you may feel better.
Your care takers or doctors can assist you to get similar groups of your age to get associated with. It’s difficult to live without partner, but giving it a try to live healthy will help you have better life than burying yourself in sorrow and making life miserable.
Remarry :I remember some years back one old man stayed next to my mummy's place. He must be above 70's. He was staying alone and was quiet disciplined. One fine day it came to our knowledge that he got remarried. Marrying at that age was the topic of gossip all around. I remember even his daughter we were married and settled were quiet unhappy about his marriage. I was too young to understand but I could make out he did something very wrong. Today I understand how important it was for him to have a companion at that age. I don't find anything wrong in it.
Due to pandemic many youngsters have lost their spouse or partners. It very difficult to console them. But ideally they should go ahead and join their work, job, or respective fields than mourning for their deaths. That's the best way to keep themselves busy as life doesn't stop and no one actually can be there for you serving you and sharing your sorrow throughout your life.
Life goes on you will have live it. So make the best out of it. I know many people who have lost their spouse but have managed to stay stronger and keep up with good health and routine. So can you cheer up and move ahead.
I would expect the readers to share this with especially those who need it. Just a word of support means a lot at such Phase of life.
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