Dealing with child's failure

Dealing with failures, here is a special note for parents, yes because parents need it more than children. The results are out and parents are celebrating by distributing sweets in society. Children are happy thinking they would easily get admissions where they had aimed for. But this happiness doesn’t exist when someone around, whom you know did not succeed, or due to failure takes a step to commit suicide. Thankfully no news yet. Still, I take an onus to write for those parents of children who did not score well.

As we say firstly every child is different. We should accept the child with his positives and negatives as well. Remember Amir Khan Starrer movie had a dialogue “Sab milkay har ungli ko bada karne main lage huey hain” As a parent what you should not do is something we will discuss today.

Parents let us take this an opportunity to change our mindsets. The problem is not in this generation but in ours, as we are bought up thinking differently saying marks and ranks define us. We had lesser carrier opportunities comparatively, isn’t it?.

Remember we were made to believe that status in society is due to the money we earn. And to get that salary a few options like the doctor, engineer were available. No one really thought of other options and whoever thought was looked up with completely different and ugly looks. The “Log kya kahenge“ factor pushed generations into these marks and grades race. Passions, choice, and interest was something apart from our carrier options.

Ø Many times parents keep using the negative terms for children like a failure, looser, and duffer. You cannot be insensitive for your pride to your own child. Yes! I mean pride, results are like pride issues to parents, the way they discuss, and share results on the public platform. But for them who are not able to do this keep on blaming the child and using one-liners like, “You will never be successful” “You are a loser” Now a day’s every class even nursery class has watts app group of parents, where parents literally compete among themselves.

Ø You are not only degrading them, but hurting their self-esteem and also taking steps towards being the most insensitive parent “You are a curse to our family name, ”I think you should graze cows and buffalos”. Here labeling the child will be like a stamp that would never go off him.                 

Some parents take away all the luxuries like mobile, laptop given to the child, stop talking to him and stop providing his pocket money or his playtime is called off. Doing this will not help the child to concentrate on studies but of course, the child is getting away with his thoughts against you.

This reflects the parent’s immaturity.  Behaving in such a manner will lead the child to get the feeling of no one understands him, he will feel lonely, upset, feel low, and depressed. This may lead him to the wrong company and mislead him to health issues as well. And the worst case will be leaving the house or committing suicide. It’s not about being a good parent or bad parent, it’s just that you are a parent and need to deal with this situation carefully. First please understand the child did not do it purposefully. He/She must have tried his best to study and get good marks but somehow they haven’t, Now rather than going into the past, as a parent can you move towards the future.

Ø Can you try some words carefully which would make the child feel better in the situation where he /she, is already in guilt? Maybe something like “Its ok! Try harder next time. Failures are the best teacher; we are with you no matter what happens. When you stop trying is when you fail, so try all over again”.

Ø Guide your child to take learning from failures. Encourage and guide him thru the process but also ensure he has learned from the failure.

Ø Take family out for a ride or dinner just to feel better and help the child move on.

Ø Go along with his entire study material and understand where he went wrong, where he can correct and take pains to improve.

Ø Talk enough with him such that he gives out all his anger, guilt sadness fear and other strange feelings to overcome the failure.

Ø Start focusing on Childs interest and passion. Keep your carrier option aside, let him explore his possibilities.

Ø There are good examples of young entrepreneurs in the business field, so you need not get old to be successful in business.

Ø Let children try and fail as they have a family to support. And of course, that’s the first step to success, isn’t it?

Remember the scene in three idiots when Farhan chooses his passion –photography over being an Engineer. The scene got all of us in tears when parents and children are in two different worlds, but they accept each other and hug, isn’t that feeling great. Go ahead and hug your kid, for all he has tried. Choose your reactions and shape the future of your child as you are mature, sensitive, and caring adult, who also may have failed or not scored well in life.

"One exam doesn’t define who you are. Each of you is blessed with numerous talents. Live life to the fullest. Never lose hope, always look ahead."