No time for Quarrel

I have reached a stage where quarrelling doesn’t make sense. After years of staying together, we have accepted each other with differences. Even we appreciate the differences as both having the same views may not make sense and block our inventions and findings.

Earlier surrounded by elders and now having a little addition going around within our orbits makes it more difficult to quarrel. When you live in joint family quarrels have no option than giving the silent treatment. Things sound and are watched to be normal. I remember my MIL once complimented me saying its three years but I haven’t heard you people ever quarrelling. You are left with many things in mind when you have in-laws, husband and kids around.

You do not have the option than swallowing your pride and continuing your work and talking to each other even after differences.

Kids may also try to be your parent saying “It’s OK Mumma, Papa you should not say this, or just don’t fight to be friends etc.  This is one of the reasons that you need to ignore or choose the right way of interaction when you are quarrelling. Your words form a big impact on the child mind.

No, the matter you are working, or stay at home mom, the fact is we being women one needs to speak it out or say vent it out.

Few techniques that really help in such a situation are

Writing it down all and messaging to your husband if he is one who can read and understand. You may feel that saying everything doesn’t make sense, but still, it is essential for us to speak out. Rather than quarrelling after a long tiresome day especially when after commuting there is no energy left. But piling up thoughts is painful and not good for mental health.

It is easy to process your emotions when you actually write it down, so you can write it down, or type it and can also send across, because not only writing every time may help. It is also important to convey their feelings to understand the issues and address them as a couple. Many women chose to send messages and convey their thoughts, not bad-Isn’t it? But it is always better to sit across the table and discuss.

Find out time to fight

Lack of communication is a result of lack of intimacy, lack of trust are common problems with couples. It doesn’t matter you are newly married, together for years, the problems and solutions are almost the same for all. More often monotony takes over which makes the partner feels distant and detached.

It is important for the overworked couple's confrontation, resolving conflict and

Keeping the romance alive.

Addressing the conflicts is imperative but mind how you can actually address the subjects. The blame game is where the confrontation begins. Labelling or accusing partner makes them defensive, and it is an automatic response to an attack by a human being.

Try using I instead of you Like I am feeling uncomfortable instead of you make me feel uncomfortable.

It is important to understand what is causing problem-Unrealistic expectations, ego, blame or something else?

None of you are mind reader ask some question to yourself like What disappoints me? What is that we fight over? What makes me feel connected with a partner? How do we both change our communication? Answering such questions will help step back and understand the relationship as to where it stands.

Best way to deal with the fight is to have none and keep the romance alive is the next best thing.

There are ways to make your partner feel loved. Communication is not verbally but physical touch is also important, I do not mean getting intimate only, it’s an unexpected hug, a peck on the cheek, just holding hand at times can be the best communication and this will definitely be impactful. Locking eyes in a crowd or just giving nods to each other can be communication. All this action releases oxytocin which makes you feel happier.

The five languages of love you can try are Words of affirmation, acts of service,

Physical touch, Gifts. Start with discussing these things and start from here to be on the same page.