What your ISF

Saving a penny is earning a penny- Sudha Murthy,

It is always learning to hear Sudha Murthy. During one of the interviews, she mentioned her mother was having only seven sarees. After her death, it took only half an hour to collect her stuff.

She herself is also of opinion that one should not buy more stuff may it be anything. She does not enjoy shopping and believes in having less and is still content. The opposite is Mr. Murty who thinks buying things is very important for the circulation of money. It gives speed to the market.

This thought provoked me to think about how we shop against our needs. The supermarket and mall culture has ruined our lives. The supermarkets were designed to have all the needs under one roof. But as always we forget the idea behind the concept and run around something else.

Earlier it used to be just a grocery store you go to the store ask for things the person hands over it to you and you pay him. Now the picture has changed. You visit the store its grand store and you see everything around much more than you need and expect. You forget the things on your list and the wonderful marketing skills do their job.

Earlier needs were less and there were separate outlets for different things like the grocery store, stationery, Garments, Kitchen needs, electronics, etc. We used to visit them need-based. Today if you go for buying grocery you end up visiting all the floors of the supermarket and buy everything that fascinates you, rather than looking at the shopping list that you have. I wonder if everybody makes a shopping list when they are going to market. Visiting supermarket costs more than two to three thousand in once visit.

You see offers and tend to save money on something you do not need. Buy 1 get 1 wow! what an offer let me buy it. I will save money.

Wait for a minute and think do you need it? I have often seen people grabbing everything they get in an offered time.

I have always heard my father saying he had a few clothes to wear at his young age. His wardrobe included all these things of daily use against mine. I have special almari for clothes only. He mentioned they use to shop once in a year and he and my uncle would buy cloth of five meters to stitch a shirt to both of them, Similarly they stiched their pants too. And that's the reason I see most of them in identical dresses at their young age in the family album.

Even when I was small in primary school my mummy use to stitch me and my elder sister dresses out of her sarees. Even the 'Kalpana saree'  was saree stitched for kids out of a single saree. I have those identical dree pics with me. I still adore those dresses, they hold a special place in my cupboard, unlike the dresses I have bought after them.

Now we don't want anyone to wear a similar pattern like us, so the same dresses are out of the question.

I have seen the generation's shopping from the grocery stores to the supermarkets. The value of money changing with needs.

The moral of the story is I have finally made up my mind to stop shopping for a while. Due to lockdown, I did not buy any new dress for four months and that feeling is going good with me. I want to resist shopping for the next few months.

I STAND FOR NO SHOPPING OF DRESSES OR SAREES for the next two more months. I will stretch it till December.

I stand for is a concept you can use in your life anywhere, where you wish to stop yourself, control or encourage. Like ISF not having Nonveg food for the next one month was ISF we took a month ago and its a great feeling being fulfilled. That's a good way of treating your health too may be by ISF for fried food, ISF for reading books, ISF for a daily workout.

It is like having small defined goals. School Children can have an ISF of studying more than an hour every day. Making a new friend every week, learning a new word every day

When Lockdown started we had taken an ISF not visiting Grocery stores for a month, till we actually finished the grocery that we have stored and we were successful finishing up the food stored to much extent.

Its a feeling of accomplishment and gives an encouraging and positive impact. Try it whats your ISF?

Digital diet

A new term I came across today, digital diet...sounds wow. When I actually read about it realized it is a concept I have known long back. I learned this concept some years back in training. We were told to act to spend a day without a gadget.

It was an amazing experience, the participants unfolded the day into a learning experience. We all collectively decided to spend a day without any gadgets. Some of us even went around alone, to unknown places without gadgets. Of course, the precaution was taken to keep families informed about it. It is the reason for panic and worries for families when we are not able to reach anyone on phones. Another thing that was carrying laptops was also avoided. The Internet was left alone to explore that day. No application assistance and no google maps.

While we traveled in a group, some participants traveled all alone without google maps. It was just about the feeling and the intuition. As a group activity, we could talk to each other share thoughts and decide, or say could take decisions, but those who traveled alone went thru a tough task.

I here would share the story of a participant who traveled alone. This friend of mine started from the Bus stand in Pune where he got into a bus to a place where he had never been to. As there was no plan, no google search for places to be visited around or information about it. he got down in a small village. not very crowded, hardly built bus stop. Could not see any shops or vehicles passing by.

He reached a small roadside Dhaba types opening and had some snacks. He asked the waiter about the specialty of that place and visited some for nature's feel.

It was of course a village. The air was so pure and he could smell the freshness in the air. The birds were free to move and enjoy their fly, unlike in cities with the wires and towers around. He walked to long-distance all alone in search of something he dint knew. On the way, he got a bullock cart ride. After years he got the ride, which was free of cost and gave him that filmy feel of sitting in bullock carts. We have almost forgotten that the ride was part of many people's real-life still.  he enjoyed the nature, the birds, animals, the different trees around, and the greenery.

He had time with himself and the abundance in nature. He could have lunch under a tree with some travelers like him. He shared food with them. Further, he enquired about the staying facility for a night. It was a small village and was a difficult to have a guest house facility. Finally, an old lady asked him to use her veranda for that night.

After years he lied below the stars and enjoyed the natural breeze and cold in the village. He couldn't recall when he fall asleep. He got up the way early then he normally did, with the sun's rays on him. That was a great gesture to have the sun woke him up, with an energy boost.

The old lady offered him tea -special jaggery tea, typically in small villages and some breakfast. While he was leaving he offered some money to her for the stay, to which she refused and asked him to visit again.

He inquired about the nearby place to visit, Whole day he wandered and finally by the end of the day manage to get a bus back to Pune.

This experience was so energizing for us to hear that we planned to do the activity solely.

During all this 24 hours journey he actually didn't even realize they need for a phone, laptops, refrigerator, AC, internet, and everything we use in day to day life. He even did not need his credit card.

The good area, pleasant, and natural experience of life, how it has to be lived.

It was almost digital detoxification, Go for a digital diet, give rest to your connectivity, and have a gadget-free life for some hours or a day to get the realization of real life to live.

You will get time to get back to your hobbies, spend time with loved ones, family members. You will get time for a workout, having meals together, sharing experiences, entertainment, writing poems.

Due to recent lock down the use of gadgets had increased and its time to slow down and give them rest.

A digital diet is, of course, beneficial but making the right use of the time that you have got is also important, you can start with better planning of it. Like the limited use of apps, we have settings in smartphones to limit the use of apps. You can silent the notifications. Use the DND modes.

Disconnect to connect

Let's try it for some hours, maybe half a day, and then the real diet for one entire day. Imagine day and practice day 

Urmila-the lost character in Ramayana

Urmila - Laxmana's wife, remember. She is like the unsung hero. It is ironic that she is lost in the epic. If you read or see her story carefully you will see that she displays greater strength and patience than any other woman in the epic. 

She was the reincarnation of goddess Naga Laxmi and Sita's younger sister. When Laxmana decides to join his elder brother and sister in law to exile, Urmila is left alone for fourteen years. She also wishes to join them but for the greater good Laxmana asks her to stay back. Laxmana asks her to take care of his parent, his house, and to which she agrees and stays back. 

Urmila was newly married then and of course she must have dreamed of staying with her husband and serving him. When Kausalya Ram's mother wanted to join Rama for exile, Rama made her understand that her first duty was to be with her husband and serve him, as he was broken down due to Ram's decision to going for exile.

The same logic applies to Urmila, she is nowhere considered or discussed in Ramayana. As a result, she seems to be a silent sufferer but still seems to be strong who manages to live alone without her husband for fourteen long years.

Here Laxmana always stood guarding his elder brother Ram, Especially when he slept at night.  In exile when Laxmana has to guard his brother he asks the goddess of sleep Nidra Devi to not bless him as he has a duty to perform. In that case Nidra Devi suggests that she will have to go to someone instead of him, hence Laxmana sends her to Urmila. The goddess of sleep Nidra Devi visits Urmila Instead of him so that he can do his duty. Here it is believed that Urmila slept all fourteen years

Now the question is if  Urmila slept for fourteen years what about her duty towards her in-laws and her house? Which she promised her husband Laxmana to take care of in his absence?

Urmila was given a special power by Sita when she left for exile. She was empowered to be at three places at one time, hence she could sleep and perform her duties as well.

It is believed, having no sleep during exile days helped  Laxmana killed Meghnaad, Ravana's son. 

Here Urmila lost all fourteen years of her life sleeping, one instantly feel sorry for her. We feel bad for her life without her husband for fourteen long years. Still, it does not make her weak.

She took some decisions for the betterment that doesn't make her weak or invisible in the story. We see idols of Rama Sita And Laxmana in many temples, alas! Urmila's sacrifice has no place, but let us not forget there is always a woman behind Man's success. 

 

No time for Quarrel

I have reached a stage where quarrelling doesn’t make sense. After years of staying together, we have accepted each other with differences. Even we appreciate the differences as both having the same views may not make sense and block our inventions and findings.

Earlier surrounded by elders and now having a little addition going around within our orbits makes it more difficult to quarrel. When you live in joint family quarrels have no option than giving the silent treatment. Things sound and are watched to be normal. I remember my MIL once complimented me saying its three years but I haven’t heard you people ever quarrelling. You are left with many things in mind when you have in-laws, husband and kids around.

You do not have the option than swallowing your pride and continuing your work and talking to each other even after differences.

Kids may also try to be your parent saying “It’s OK Mumma, Papa you should not say this, or just don’t fight to be friends etc.  This is one of the reasons that you need to ignore or choose the right way of interaction when you are quarrelling. Your words form a big impact on the child mind.

No, the matter you are working, or stay at home mom, the fact is we being women one needs to speak it out or say vent it out.

Few techniques that really help in such a situation are

Writing it down all and messaging to your husband if he is one who can read and understand. You may feel that saying everything doesn’t make sense, but still, it is essential for us to speak out. Rather than quarrelling after a long tiresome day especially when after commuting there is no energy left. But piling up thoughts is painful and not good for mental health.

It is easy to process your emotions when you actually write it down, so you can write it down, or type it and can also send across, because not only writing every time may help. It is also important to convey their feelings to understand the issues and address them as a couple. Many women chose to send messages and convey their thoughts, not bad-Isn’t it? But it is always better to sit across the table and discuss.

Find out time to fight

Lack of communication is a result of lack of intimacy, lack of trust are common problems with couples. It doesn’t matter you are newly married, together for years, the problems and solutions are almost the same for all. More often monotony takes over which makes the partner feels distant and detached.

It is important for the overworked couple's confrontation, resolving conflict and

Keeping the romance alive.

Addressing the conflicts is imperative but mind how you can actually address the subjects. The blame game is where the confrontation begins. Labelling or accusing partner makes them defensive, and it is an automatic response to an attack by a human being.

Try using I instead of you Like I am feeling uncomfortable instead of you make me feel uncomfortable.

It is important to understand what is causing problem-Unrealistic expectations, ego, blame or something else?

None of you are mind reader ask some question to yourself like What disappoints me? What is that we fight over? What makes me feel connected with a partner? How do we both change our communication? Answering such questions will help step back and understand the relationship as to where it stands.

Best way to deal with the fight is to have none and keep the romance alive is the next best thing.

There are ways to make your partner feel loved. Communication is not verbally but physical touch is also important, I do not mean getting intimate only, it’s an unexpected hug, a peck on the cheek, just holding hand at times can be the best communication and this will definitely be impactful. Locking eyes in a crowd or just giving nods to each other can be communication. All this action releases oxytocin which makes you feel happier.

The five languages of love you can try are Words of affirmation, acts of service,

Physical touch, Gifts. Start with discussing these things and start from here to be on the same page.

 

Raising Self Sufficient Kids

I remember I was in school, and Mumma struggling to make me atmanirbhar - She had this vision decades back, which Modiji had some days back for us. Well, but the public doesn’t really understand, nor did I in that adolescence age.

She used to delegate small household jobs to me, which I straight away refused to do, in fact, Papa supported me by he doing it for me-Papa ki pari.

After years when I shifted to Pune for Job, the bubble popped off. I had to do everything all alone. I used to feel sad at times and suffered to some extent. We are pampered by parents but that sometimes takes a toll on us.  In fact after marriage for the very first time when I made Puran Poli my father in law was impressed and so happy that I have gifted a diamond nose pin -Pehli rasoi. I recalled the days when my mother used to make me understand how important it is to learn cooking.

The moral of the story is, are today’s mothers having the same vision our mothers had for us? Are they of the opinion to make us atmanirbhar like our mothers did?

Family structures have changed. Now families are small and couples believe in one kid only. Being the only kid, they are given everything and anything they want. I see parents doing everything for their kid Spoon feeding them. Kids are also getting smarter they know how to get things done from parents.

It is necessary to make children understand to be self-sufficient. We are living faster-paced life now and it is definitely a good thing to make your child independent at an early age.

My daughter is four years old I have a limited scope of being independent but I try and let her do her activities. It is just a realization and belonging she gets when she does some work on her own. So here is my experience with my four years old.

Give them a task they can accomplish

Start with simple day to day activities. Even at an early age, you can let your kid keep his toys in place. Remove shoes in the shoe rack, Keeps books in bookshelf, and clothes in the cupboard.

Never just end up saying clean the room, a child gets confused, if you tell them what exactly is to be done they do it

Important is to praise them, appreciate their way of doing it, as sometimes they may do it their way. Like keeping books on a shelf where they can reach easily, it is ok to accept the change. Your appreciation will definitely boost their confidence and self-esteem.

Let them decide

You can suggest but never tell them what they want, let them choose and decide. Give them the power to decide. For example like advising them to draw a picture, let them decide what they want to draw. Let them dress the way they want, let them choose the colors and patterns of clothes. They may fail at times but that is ok for them to realize. It is ok to fail to get a better choice. Do not limit them to choose, set them free. It makes them confident and gives them feeling like they are running their own life.

Small decisions like what to wear, which colors to be painted, which type of tree they want to draw, which game they want to play etc. These all are small decisions but that gives a good impact and makes them feel good and responsible.

Problem-solving skills

Always listen to kids, their issues and problems, let them know you are always there to listen. Do Not Suggest a solution to anything they are sharing with you, a simple line - Mumma I m bored, what do I do? Let them have choices and decide what they want to do. That’s important for brain development, it teaches them problem-solving and creativity.

Stop spoon-feeding them and let them make choices, think, imagine, and create. Let them come up with suggestions and answers; you can always give them clues.

Problem-solving skills are an important aspect of being an independent adult. It is an integral part of the personality.

If they come to you running due to the loss of the toy, do not help find it. Help them track their route how they played and track it.

Teach practical skills

Practical skills are preparing breakfasts, serving, or even unwrapping the foil where needed, opening the lids of tiffin, etc. Use of spoons, knife, etc. Now here I do not mean to handover the knife to your kid. You can always teach them to butter bread or apply jam on bread.

They can make their breakfast with cornflakes in milk. Let them how hot and cold food is to be served and even ate. Involve them in cooking like washing veggies and cleaning. Understanding the difference between ripe and raw fruits.

Involve them in grocery shopping to understand what we buy and what and how we cook. That develops an interest in cooking as well as eating. Let them help in the laundry. It is fun for them at times, but they are learning the art of cleaning.

Of course, doing such together is a bonding process as well. They watch you and are learning new skills.

Involve them with a small broom, a duster for their study table, and cycle as well. Let them keep records of the balance in a piggy bank.

They feel good about they are helping you and of course, you are satisfied as they understand things and develop the skills.

By getting involved in household activities they belonging to the house. They feel independent. They understand their responsibility and also they get a feeling of helping you out in work which makes them confident.

The idea is just to make the child self-sufficient by training him. Let them do things on their own, make decisions, and act accordingly. They will try, may fail but then learn the art. 

As they grow old it becomes a habit to be self-sufficient -atmanirbhar. 

This is to make them independent and of course, in difficult times it will help. You never know how time would test us. 

What Women want

 

Women’s life is more or less around the clock when it strikes twelve and Cinderella has to rush back. Though almost all have thrown their sights on what women want, let me try to say what women really want.

As a woman I just wish to have equal pleasure and avoid the 12 o'clock rush, I even do not want the magic of fairy godmother to turn me into a princess. I am happy with my cute animals. I am not looking for a prince who fails to identify me and just basis on the shoe he recognizes me.

I want to sleep those few more minutes than I do, and avoid that sudden shock of the rising sun. I want to enjoy the rising sun rays on me, I wish a steaming cup of tea

Some times to wake me up or sometimes we just hear someone saying, It's ok, relax, why did u wake up?

When I am bathing I wish the hot showers flows down me leisurely and I enjoy the loaf and it fragrance, instead of thinking of something boiling on gas or just someone banging my door.

When I am hungry I wish someone just serves me my favorite food without saying. I wish I am just given a break of those pinch of salt and fewer spice comments or something different menus.

Even when I gulp the morsels without chewing I expect someone to say, stop, and enjoy the taste and relish every morsel.

I do not want to rush to cook as soon as I m back home from anywhere, I wish I also sit and calm down, relax and put my foot up and see at the blue sky. I also want to relax when I feel exhausted.

When I am sick, I want to get pampered, like anyone else does. I want to relax on vacations like others do, I want to enjoy every bit as all do.

When we plan for vacation, I hope other than just worrying if everything is packed, someone just says you take all your things, remember taking you lovely skirts and all vacation wear you always wanted to flaunt and enjoy.

I want to be carefree at a party, sing dance and cling glasses that is what parties are planned for.

I want to stop thinking of healthy food my munchkin eats in party and letting child hog on fast foods and stuff.

I want to shake all the responsibilities and join friends as and when I wish meeting them and hanging out.

I hate the clock when it strikes twelve…….. 

I as women just want those few moments as any other person has, I just want you all to consider me among you just an individual like you all are.

I want you all to treat me as ME other than daughter, sister, mother, wife, and daughter in law.

I want you to understand and compliment me for my goods, I want you to appreciate me for the things I do as my duty, though that’s my choice to do it.

I just want to be ME as You are.

Longest spend holidays-school days

6.00 am -The early morning got a watts app message good morning!

That’s a school friend. It is raining heavily, me sipping warm tea from my cup, thinking how much I loved the rain.  Sang sang bolanath paus padel ka, shale bhavati tale sachun sutti milel ka……….always wished to bunk school and play in rain.

Today I sit here missing those days, friends, teachers, and even study. Holding a newly ordered book in my hand I smell the pages and feel like the new year has just begun with a new stock of books, notebooks, and stationery. Remembering the morning prayers, followed by assembly we did in school and under the supervision of a strict PT Teacher who was an ex-army person.

We stand quiet, sing prayers, wishing the assembly to extend to miss the first lecture (naughty we).

Remembering the lovely class, where we sat like parliament does. Today I actually visualize all the classmates in uniform and girls in two small ponytails or pleats.  Recess was always the most interesting part of the day. Where, we stood in the corridor to share and chitchat, share tiffins with each other.

The favorite teachers and of course strict and not so favorite teachers, I miss them all today. We had nicknamed all teachers but of course, all are loved today.

We were so naughty, not that we are not today but those days we gave demos every day to our teachers and parents. I remember we even passed the tiffins in the class during a lecture, had got caught and punished. 

One of the guys in adjacent division actually entered the class from the small windowpane, because he was late. And then the recess was to see how he did it. Many memories run around my head like the chirping birds in cartoons when he headbangs.

When the language barrier  almost killed all the boundaries.... A classmate giving an excuse to teacher saying. Maza Mann dukhtay...headache.

Those laboratory days, when we struggled for the vernier caliper readings and chemicals to show the right reactions and sometimes they didn't making our day painfull. Even the lab assistants and the peons of school, who helped us are remembered today. The School taught us the spirit of celebrating National festivals. The biscuits we got after the event of flag hoisting. The small get together at the Vadapav junction near the school.  

The projects and the competitions which kept us on toes to perform the best and sportsmen spirit that we earned thru all this competitions. The two houses which gave us identity and made us realize the responsibility in early age.

Exposure to gymnastics and sports was one of the best parts of school days, where we learned many sports like baseball, hockey which was not so commonly played in taluka place.

Social distancing remind me of beautiful memory.

Keep one arm distance to form perfect line, sweet nostalgic memory of school days. 

The perfection in dressing, behavior, parade, singing, dance, competitions everything thou pressured us at that time has made what we are today. I look at the DP of watts app group and laugh.  

Actually, those were the longest holidays we spend. Today when we have a wats app group of almost 60 members, I recollect everybody in school uniform. School days, Aha!! Yaadein reh jati hain, Kuch meethi baatein reh jati hain. Our Adolescense years......

We were growing young and were  in teens when we left school. It was the year of teasing and Masti. Finally we loved going to school by last year. The first crush....

When studies pressure increased, we were dreaming of the future. Now we are in the future missing those school days………Hum bade to ho rahe the par bade nahi the …… many of life’s first created during those days for us to remember today. First movie together in a theatre, picnics, sports days, competitions, annual days, Ganesh festival at school, the two houses, projects, etc etc etc it's a never-ending list. There was nothing like uski dress meri dress se achi kyun? even gadgets did not exist, it was the old wired telephone - the landlines at home or bi-cycles to catch hold of your friend. What fun it was, thou that we thought we were loaded with activities and so much of study, we actually enjoyed it.

Today with gadgets and a lot of connectivity tools I do not see the warmth in the friends as we had. I used to cycle down five kilometers to reach my best friend's place every day, today the gadgets made it so easy to connect and lose physical connectivity. Like every parent, I also add, Humare time ki baat hi Kuch aur thi.....isn't it?

School gave us many good insights towards life one of them was visit to NDA. That was the final teaching we received last year before we could step in the world. We were all prepared and had strength in our feathers. 

What would I give to relive those days of sheer happiness and freedom from all worries. No matter how old we become we cherish the “small nothings” of our school lives. School may remind you of your close buddy or a strict teacher, some accomplishments or some failures, report cards, and punishments, everything brings a smile to our faces today. Today’s day is going to nostalgic as its  6.00 am I think about all of you. Miss you all guys and lovely teachers and of course the school building as well.

Happy Rakhi

Gearing up for Raksha Bandhan,all sisters busy making DIY  Rakhis or buying them. Writing a heart felt note for brother and sending across cities and states. The gesture is the bond of love that keeps sisters and brothers connected. Earlier I believe that was one of the reasons when women visited their parents or brothers place. 

My daughter also selected some Rakhi for her cousins, along with one for her. 

I tried making her understand the tradition of how it works, also bribed her saying that she would be getting gifts, but somehow she is still not convinced. 

She is almost on the way to break the stereotype. She doesn't need anyone to protect her is what she says, she is strong and super kid as narrated in the blog

https://meshirish.com/2020/05/princess-for-rescue.html

She feels she is strong enough and do not differentiate in genders yet. Basically her understanding about gender is limited to her teachers in her school who ask to make two different lines for boys and girls.

I think with changing time we should also attempt to relook at certain traditions we follow if they need change in current times. I have seen girls tie Rakhi to elder sisters or someone they look up to for protection. It is not essentially a man. 

Came across  advertisement for men's grooming brand. The man company has realised a video that urges people to celebrate the festival with different prospective. 

The video begins with a sister getting up with an surprising note from her brother which narrates how she protected him  several times in childhood till date. From fathers anger to bullies in school.

Being a younger brother who feels protected she being around, questions elder sister as to who should be tieing the Rakhi for protection. 

The idea of the campaign  is to acknowledge  the role of elder sister to younger brothers. I think the advertisement emphasis on gender neutrality. I found  it different  and heartwarming, hope it brings smile on your face.

Have a look https://youtu.be/oM5E2q0cqio

Happy Rakshabandhan

One more recent addition

https://www.facebook.com/MankindPharmaIndia/videos/290663995341907/

Life between BC & AC

We are the live creatures whose life suffered between Before Corona and After Corona. Now as it seems like we are on the road to exit the orbit of the corona effect we can conclude we have survived the pandemic.

We all have seen and heard what lockdown has led us to. It is been a memorable journey till date. Memorable in all ways, it made us feel fortunate and unfortunate at the same time. We have counted day with increasing pressures and trying to keep calm.

One day will come when we will be free to move around and life will seem like coming back on tracks, but the picture would be different than it was B.C.-before corona. The most vulnerable thing is the loss during this period, the lives that we have lost.

We have heard stories that happened on roads, in hospitals, behind the closed doors, and many more. All powers failed during this period. It was something we never thought of in the wildest dreams. Life seemed to be so unfortunate, but the only fortunate thing is we are still alive. The strongest countries could not stand in front of the pandemic. The USSA, Russia, China all countries were on their knees.

The most unfortunate thing is people have lost jobs and are wondering how to get back to normal, how to get the new opportunity ASAP. How to earn? Not only this, but there are also many things around that will haunt us. 

I can feel many thoughts surround my head like the chirping birds in a cartoon going round and round after banging.

A thirty-year-old son refusing the hospital's members to do his infected father’s funeral. The hospital officials carrying the packed bodies in plastic bags for the last rites. The bodies getting exchanges, misplaced. The extreme treatment given to patients, along with dead bodies lying next to their bed. People migrating to their home towns walking all the way across the state borders. Religious fights humiliating doctors and nurses at quarantine centers. The baby crying beside the dead mother's body. The child who covered all the way walking across borders dies at hardly one hour distance. A dead man who died of natural death was not touched by anyone for almost a day till the ambulance and the people in the PPE kit arrived. This unfortunate act was not limited to humans, even the pets were abandoned on the roads by the owners. The pregnant elephant killed in Kerala. Celebrities succumbed to depression committing suicide. Schools, colleges, institutes, offices all closed down. Everybody struggling to earn, trying their best to do jobs from home.  Around Six lakh people Succumbed to corona. Some brave hearts fought to it and came back to normal. Now the stage is even we who alive are immune to the extent that we may not even require the vaccine.

The worst part was people who were asked to resign in difficult times. Is it not the moral responsibility of these organizations to support individuals, their employees during this hard phase, which was not limited to them only but extended to the whole world? Human has gone to the extent of black marketing of the medicines which act as a savior for the people infected.

We have survived this pandemic to narrate the history like we have heard of plague some decades back. But what do we learn out of this? Does this pandemic change our thoughts? Does it bring all of us, everybody alive to the same level of humankind?

We have suffered more than the actual sufferers of the corona, watching it helplessly and understanding the value of life. The lives that we lost have opened our eyes to the very fact of life, basic needs, relations, work, family, care, concern. It made us collectively look like a country without caste, race, colour, gender.

Difficult time, the hard times in life help us recognize the people around us. Though it hurts and pains it is the most learning phase of life. The tough time does not last but tough people do. We have learned a lot during these four months. Hope we hold on to these memories life long to make us realize where we stand.

May be next year onwards we will narrate this as a story. We will be back to our jobs, traveling freely, visiting malls, gardens, birthday celebrations, marriages, and having fun. I hope the sneeze or cough may not bother to us A.C still it would hold your breath of a second to remind you these days.

We are the part of this historic pandemic and hope we pass on the learning to the next generations.

The silver lining of black cloud

It seems like a dream, everything completely closed across borders. We are not able to move out of the house, all streets went silent. Mumbai’s lifeline was also resting. It felt like Waqt tham gaya ho. No one had an idea of how things were going to be - how worst and how good? A small virus turned a crowded and noisy world into silence.

No power was working against it. People were helpless sitting at home. It seemed like the virus was engulfing humankind to end. The most brilliant animal was unable to find a solution and cause to it. Apart from the loss of life and disturbance in day to day life, Corona exposed us many facts of life  which we already knew but had no time for.

Virus taught us that size doesn’t matter to make an impact. Keep working towards your dreams and you will definitely get what you deserve. A microorganism which could not be seen with naked eyes, turned the world upside down irrespective of the power, caste, religion, skin colour. It made us equal on all criteria which we as a human being had invented.

The virus made us realize our worth, we keep running behind earning, for living an extravagant lifestyle. Whereas when everything closed down and we were left with few things at home and to our surprise we could manage easily living with them. Our basic needs are fulfilled to a realization –what were we running for? Tomorrow? And what if it never came for us? The virus made us realize what we actually need to live a happy life and stay content.

We were introduced to the real meaning of life and happiness which lies in our state of mind, happiness is to be with loved ones. It is not about external achievements, leisure, and luxuries.

We are always taught to save for the rainy days, and I guess this difficult time was that rainy day we had been saving for. Our saving saved us in hard times and made us realize how our ancestors had the vision towards life's hardships. So make an effort every day, to save a bit for difficult times.

The best part was we got an opportunity to peep in our own homely life. We always approached malls and other places in search of happiness and for celebrations, whereas it is very much within our four walls- Home sweet home.

It has given us an opportunity to stop and think, make a change in our lifestyle for betterment.

Women could manage without maids but provided they had those shoulders and hands to care for them, help them when needed. No women would have ever thought of working all alone for months like we did. But the virus actually made us understand our limits of working harder.

Children during all this phase were very adaptive than elders. They adjusted with playing within the house, making changes in way of studying at their age, wherein we found working from home difficult.

Homely food and flavors was the biggest asset of this period, we realized that we can actually survive without fast food. First time in history I believe there was continuous cooking for more than a hundred days or so.

Some of us got time after ages to hear the birds chirping, and spend time with nature. It made us realize what we have done to mother nature, and how it is healing itself now. Some must have seen a rainbow after years; some must have cooked for their parent’s wife or kids for the first time.

“What is this life full of care, we have no time to stand and stare”

Some newly blessed parents must have got all the best time they could ever spend with their kids due to pandemic.

The virus has brought to our knowledge that just worrying beyond a point is useless and we should find solace in the simple joys of life. We are taught that nothing stands important before family and the most important is to SLOW DOWN

Thou we are at home since moths, we are still productive and positive as well. People are very creative and more engaged than ever. Everyone is left with some lessons for a lifetime.

It has taught us the importance of relations, made us realize what is our need and how much we spend on it. It made us more independent and realistic. It taught us the values of life and moments. It taught us the importance of health, exercise, hygiene.

Corona thou was a virus, he taught us so much like a messenger at right time. It brought us together to enjoy life along with working. It bonded us back realizing and respecting each other when we worked from home. It gave us an opportunity to understand how our parents, wife, or husband works in the office or at home.

I hope now no husband when would return from work will ask his wife What did you do the whole day? women also wouldn't reply saying "It's very easy to pick the bag and leave for office".

Thou We do not welcome these hardships and difficult times, let me tell you whatever we have learned is always out of hardships and tough times only.

Love the person you have found

I was going thru some of my writeups collections, came across one which sounds very interesting and needs of this hour. The topic sounded so relevant so thought of reading. Here is the summary-

During a seminar, a woman asked how do I know I am with the right person?

The person conducting the seminar saw that there was a big man sitting next to her, he asked “Is that Your Partner? She answered ‘Yes’ how do you know?

The person smiled and said, let me answer your question. Every relationship has a cycle - in the beginning, you fall in love with your partner. The feeling of butterflies in the stomach. You long for their calls, their touch. You need not do anything the action itself says you just FALL. It is a natural and spontaneous reaction. 

Imagine you are standing doing nothing and something happens to you, people say I was swept off my feet. Try and picture the emotion. Well by now, you enjoy their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. After a few months or years of togetherness, the euphoria of love fades. This happens with every relation, it is a natural cycle.

Slowly but surely the phone calls become disturbances, of course, if they come at all. Touch is not welcome always, and your spouse idiosyncrasies instead of feeling cute feel like driving you nuts. Well, the symptoms may vary but there is a drastic and dramatic difference between the initial stage and now when you are the duller or angry stage. 

At such point, you or your partner may ponder if you are with an aright person? As you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once felt, you may begin to desire for the same, but maybe with someone else. Here is the first crack in the relationship. 

You must have heard the success of a relationship doesn't lie in finding the right person, it more about learning to love the person you have found. Partners blame each other for the failure of their relationship and their unhappiness and thus look outside for fulfillment of their desires. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is very common in such relationships. 

Sometimes people do turn to their work, hobbies friendship or just excessive addiction to particular things may be drugs, television, mobile apps.

But the fact that the answer to this dilemma is not outside the relationship it lies within the relationship is not discovered. 

The current situation is idle, you can go outside go inside. 

Falling in love is natural, and falling again becomes more spontaneous and obvious. You will feel good - temporarily. But after a few years, you will be back in square one, the same situation.

So learn to Love the person you found. Sustaining love may be difficult as you will have to work on it every day. It will take time, energy, and individual efforts and most importantly it demands wisdom. You need to know what to do to make it work. And mind it, it is a lifetime activity you will be involved in. The moment you leave it or step back you are again in the same dilemma.

Love is not a mystery. As there are physical laws of the universe, there are also laws of relationship.

You need to know to apply these laws, then the results are predictable. And So Love is a decision.

We have increased cases of abuse and violence behind the closed doors. We may not feel it, see it but everybody around who is caught in the lockdown and its effects, with no regular office, our routines are getting frustrated. Women are somewhere below the heaps of the online studies, broken screens and laptops, and husband food and other carvings. Being in family court for some years I have seen sweet homes break like the cards houses, in fraction of the seconds, just due to silly issues.

Men are frustrated sitting at home with no work and no income. They are trying to help in house chores but are feeling uneasy day by day to do it as a regular job.

This all frustration is leading to internals voices screaming, yelling out at each other. This blog is especially for couples who always wanted to be with each other but are done by the end of these four months. Please hold on, what we can assure each other is just breathe in breathe out “this time will also go”