Dealing with child's failure

Dealing with failures, here is a special note for parents, yes because parents need it more than children. The results are out and parents are celebrating by distributing sweets in society. Children are happy thinking they would easily get admissions where they had aimed for. But this happiness doesn’t exist when someone around, whom you know did not succeed, or due to failure takes a step to commit suicide. Thankfully no news yet. Still, I take an onus to write for those parents of children who did not score well.

As we say firstly every child is different. We should accept the child with his positives and negatives as well. Remember Amir Khan Starrer movie had a dialogue “Sab milkay har ungli ko bada karne main lage huey hain” As a parent what you should not do is something we will discuss today.

Parents let us take this an opportunity to change our mindsets. The problem is not in this generation but in ours, as we are bought up thinking differently saying marks and ranks define us. We had lesser carrier opportunities comparatively, isn’t it?.

Remember we were made to believe that status in society is due to the money we earn. And to get that salary a few options like the doctor, engineer were available. No one really thought of other options and whoever thought was looked up with completely different and ugly looks. The “Log kya kahenge“ factor pushed generations into these marks and grades race. Passions, choice, and interest was something apart from our carrier options.

Ø Many times parents keep using the negative terms for children like a failure, looser, and duffer. You cannot be insensitive for your pride to your own child. Yes! I mean pride, results are like pride issues to parents, the way they discuss, and share results on the public platform. But for them who are not able to do this keep on blaming the child and using one-liners like, “You will never be successful” “You are a loser” Now a day’s every class even nursery class has watts app group of parents, where parents literally compete among themselves.

Ø You are not only degrading them, but hurting their self-esteem and also taking steps towards being the most insensitive parent “You are a curse to our family name, ”I think you should graze cows and buffalos”. Here labeling the child will be like a stamp that would never go off him.                 

Some parents take away all the luxuries like mobile, laptop given to the child, stop talking to him and stop providing his pocket money or his playtime is called off. Doing this will not help the child to concentrate on studies but of course, the child is getting away with his thoughts against you.

This reflects the parent’s immaturity.  Behaving in such a manner will lead the child to get the feeling of no one understands him, he will feel lonely, upset, feel low, and depressed. This may lead him to the wrong company and mislead him to health issues as well. And the worst case will be leaving the house or committing suicide. It’s not about being a good parent or bad parent, it’s just that you are a parent and need to deal with this situation carefully. First please understand the child did not do it purposefully. He/She must have tried his best to study and get good marks but somehow they haven’t, Now rather than going into the past, as a parent can you move towards the future.

Ø Can you try some words carefully which would make the child feel better in the situation where he /she, is already in guilt? Maybe something like “Its ok! Try harder next time. Failures are the best teacher; we are with you no matter what happens. When you stop trying is when you fail, so try all over again”.

Ø Guide your child to take learning from failures. Encourage and guide him thru the process but also ensure he has learned from the failure.

Ø Take family out for a ride or dinner just to feel better and help the child move on.

Ø Go along with his entire study material and understand where he went wrong, where he can correct and take pains to improve.

Ø Talk enough with him such that he gives out all his anger, guilt sadness fear and other strange feelings to overcome the failure.

Ø Start focusing on Childs interest and passion. Keep your carrier option aside, let him explore his possibilities.

Ø There are good examples of young entrepreneurs in the business field, so you need not get old to be successful in business.

Ø Let children try and fail as they have a family to support. And of course, that’s the first step to success, isn’t it?

Remember the scene in three idiots when Farhan chooses his passion –photography over being an Engineer. The scene got all of us in tears when parents and children are in two different worlds, but they accept each other and hug, isn’t that feeling great. Go ahead and hug your kid, for all he has tried. Choose your reactions and shape the future of your child as you are mature, sensitive, and caring adult, who also may have failed or not scored well in life.

"One exam doesn’t define who you are. Each of you is blessed with numerous talents. Live life to the fullest. Never lose hope, always look ahead."

 

Wachal tar Vachal... Reading a Saviour

My mother always shares my memories of holding the pen in hand whole day wherever I go. I had that habit of noting down things as and when needed. No wonder I have always been writing and reading a lot. At times, I even keep the used newspaper, one which is used to cover shelves, if my eyeballs catch something new in it.

I actually used to tuck the pen in my dress as men do in their pockets. Further the pen went to my purse or bags along with small diary. Today when I see same habit in my daughter I try to encourage her to scribble with the pen. Thankfully she hasn’t scribbled my walls yet.

She draws some picture of a girl, every time its mom and sometimes when it had small beard like hairs on chin its baba. She writes alphabets and numbers on her book, imitating me when I write.

She is too small to read anything apart from her alphabets. I got some books for her and prepared a small child library. She very proudly shares mom, that’s my library.

I want to inculcate that reading habit in her and thus I keep trying different tricks, but to my realization that she is still four and identifies alphabets and numbers only. I hold back my urge to make her read.

I was sitting in my balcony accompanied by her besides me. Of course, I was reading out story to her. That’s the practice we follow whenever, she feels like listening or say demands for a story. We have been doing this as practice. When I was done with her reading and picked my novel, she went back to her book and started reading the bold letters on the cover page….F..A…I…R..Y  T..A..L..E..S….fairy tales, right mummy? And that’s the beginning she started reading anything in bold letters she found everywhere in the house. Names of biscuits, any wrapper she found, brand of television, refrigerator, movie names, clothes brands and bold names in newspapers.

One night I slept with the thought of buying new books for her as we are almost done reading all stories to her. I was also thinking how do I make her read books. We had serious discussion wherein my husband calmed me down saying she is small in a year or, so she will start reading, I should not worry and hurry as well. You can buy books online he said. And I slept with the happy thought of online book shopping.

Next morning my baby got up before me, while I was still in my bed she arranged few pillows to reach her library and got duckling book in her hand. She got it and sat near my pillow showing me the pictures and started reading…once an upon a time there lived a duck with her three little ducklings…….she couldn’t read, but she read the story the way she knew and recollected it, while she was turning pages……that was so cute. Her gesture made me so happy and content.

Moral of the story is, children copy you, imitate you in whatever you do. Be what you want your child to be.

In Marathi, we have saying “Wachal tar Vachal” reading saves. Here are some tricks I practiced making my child read.

· Introduce a funny reading game to your child by reading alternate lines. Making funny voices, act at times to develop their interest in it. Have some game of interest like who reads well, who reads faster etc.

· Bring books that are interesting at that age, where they can learn something new. That has catchy pictures as well.

· Never decide what they should read. Always give them choice. Let them learn to select and find their own interest. Expose them to various languages, authors and pictures and choose the best of their interest.

· Worshiping books will never bring goddess saraswati to your house. Let children find her when they turn the pages. Let them mark some points take notes, write new words. Introduce new words in their day to day vocabulary.

· Do not force child to read, make reading a pleasure for him. Convincing them to read would make it another task for them. Give them anything that interests them, some comic, some newspaper cutting, or just advertisements anything that they love to read,that will increase the interest and will be pleasure for them.

· Introduce games like searching words on the page of book. Teach Synonyms for some word or word puzzles for kids. Teach them use of one new word every day. Search for new words in newspaper or books.

· Create something like a book club with child and his friends, wherein they share their reading, the books and share the stories. Let them exchange their books and readings. Encourage them with the highest book reader. Peers are always motivating factor, and reading with friends will make the process exciting.

· The bookshelf for the kid should be handy. The child should be able to play with the book as and when he wants. Do not keep it high fearing the child may tear it.

· Create a cozy reading or writing corner for children. Add something like comfortable desk to read with lovely cushions and reading light. The ambience may excite the child and see that you keep the reading lights on at specific time, such that it becomes schedule.

· Keep variety of books to understand the child’s likes and dislikes of subjects. Encourage all type of reading.

· Keep the books handy at different locations as per their subject. Bedtime stories near bed, art and craft near play area cartoons stories in drawing room. Also keep a book for notes.

Prefer books than any gadget. It’s safe for eyes, it gives better understanding. Children feel comfortable with books than being anxious with gadgets. It may get tore but unless the child handles it, it won’t. Let the child handle it, see it, touch and feel the books to get that ownership.

Believe me it gives immense pleasure to see your child reading on his own.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We don't want war... We want peace

Finally, he is back in time to my surprise. I was restless as he left. Thou I assisted him with all required weapons when he left. The sight of he standing in door with a bag on his back and helmet in his hand, actually could relate to Abhinandan Vardhaman. Seems like he went on a mission. 

Going to court after, more than three months of lockdown almost gave me goosebumps. I was restless since he told me is going the next day. I didn't want him to go but still reminded him of sanitizer, jacket, giving him instructions like children going out for first time. Do not eat anything anywhere. Avoid crowding, do not shake hand with anybody. Keep distance when you speak to clients.

I gave him my greetings “abhinandan” as he came and sat for a chat discussing how things are going in the world around. My man also had changed his looks as the lockdown effect, but of course not as big and rounded like Abhinandan Vardaman.

Abhinandan does not require any introduction  I believe, his mustache also became a trend those days. People were in queue at the barbers shop to show their patriotism on face.

“Mooche Ho to Abhinandan jaisi warna na ho”

A man has posted a pic of his month-old child to be named as Abhinandan reflecting his feelings of patriotism.not bad..... The child will always have story to tell for his name. 

Whole day I sat disturbed yet positive with my Little one thinking what my man must be doing in crowd in such Covid-19 situation. Thou the cases were to be conducted in video conferencing, ensuring judges would be safe my man must be surrounded by clients. 

I could not stop thinking about the videos of Covid-19 warriors so far. The doctors staying away from their families. We have one policeman in our society who stands at the gate for his wife to bring him tea and serve at the gate itself. Wonder what his wife must be going thru. 

Just for one day my man was out, and I was so low battling with my thoughts.

I know there are sanitizer sprays all over in corporate, and public places. He can always take utmost care so that he doesn't get infected and of course once he was home I asked him to lather himself with soap first before he sat with us. 

These days we actually sat and Discussed on our policies and their nominations. Being lawyer we made people understand  the importance of WILL. 

Thou at times I ensure I am the beneficiary and in my case he remains one but what about those women whose man walks into line of fire somewhere on LOC. Insurance policies and nominees are vital questions and above all there is the fear that their man may never return. 

Sitting here and writing with help of social media and encouraging the government to have war is utter nonsense. It looks like fauladi heroes on the location like the film heroes who always return, but the fact is sometimes they don't. There are real men out there on the LOC and not the GI Joe figurines. Real lives are involved and for them fortunes are not counted in money they make but good fortune is to be alive. 

We mourn for Sushant since last fifteen days but have forgotten the warriors, soilders on the LOC we lost to war with China. I am not comparing the deaths I am comparing our reactions to both the deaths. Thou we call the soilders Shahid it's a planned murder by China and Sushant's seem to be planned murder. 

We are ready to. Keep. Posting on media but not ready to bann tiktok and other apps for those who actually are losing life for us.Do we deserve?? 

We show patriotism by naming our children in name of warriors like Abhinnadan by keeping mustaches like him. But along with that remarkable mustache the blood he shed was real, the life was at risk, Bravery he showed was real. 

How the Josh?? High Sir.

We do not want war countrymen. We want peace. I welcome and appreciate governments step against the Chinese apps.That's the way to deal than having war. Let's do it. 

Online study parents orientation meet invite

Early morning I received an online study introduction meeting invite. Of course, it was a zoom meeting as social distancing is a must. Children are cute but the parents of kinder garden students are cuter. I was so amused by the experience of online orientation. The meeting was to be held the next day and the link was sent on the group. After so many days almost three months, the group discussions made sense. 

Our Nursery C group had almost all mothers and a few fathers to have gender equality. The meeting was going to start at 11.00 am. The orientation was done on Sunday considering the working parents in the group. The head of the school along with subject teachers was going to be part of the meeting. Now that the meet is over I would love to share the amusement. 

I told the parents were so cute and so excited like their kids that they gave a different benchmark to my amusement. The variety of parents in the meet was hilarious and was taking over my funny bones. Let me take you thru my amusement experience. 

1. Anxiety parents:  They suddenly wake up to their thoughts and rush to watts app or other groups to get the link for meeting and rush to the meeting without any idea or study, say homework on the topic. 

2. Confused parents: These parents are not sure about the sessions so they get along their kids too to peep in the small screen. In spite of mentioning that the orientation is only for parents. They also ensure that their children say a loud greeting to the teacher. In addition to their confusion they confuse other parents to include kids. Adding on this other parents call up their kids to see their teachers and meet friends on screen.

 

3. Ideal Parents: They are ready before ten minutes on their screens with a good smiling appearance and are well dressed. They ensure their children and speaker both are on mute. In some cases, both parents attend the meeting showing their enthusiasm and interest.  

4. Party parents: These Parents are dressed so well that they get easily noticed and seem like having an online party. They ensure their friends see whatever they flaunt. 

5. Ignorant parents: Parents who completely ignore the background dancing and shouting yelling and crying kids. At times vice versa kids attending session sitting idle in front of the camera with parents hovering around in the background. 

6. Magical parents: They appear and vanish with connectivity issues and struggle to try out the session. They end up understanding nothing and reach watts app group for help. 

7.Conscious parents: These parents actually create a zoom corner in their house wherein they have various online interactions. They ensure the best possible view of their place may be study room or so. 

8. Shabby parents: Parents who have failed control over and around them, lying on the bed along with pillow and blankets rolled each other. These parents do not see the mirror before joining the meet and get surprised with others' looks and take small breaks from the screen, keeping it blank and towards the untidy bed.At times not worried showing the camera facing different parts of the body than face. 

9. Career oriented parents: These parents know everything syllabus of junior kg to carrier option for kids. They are worried about child development. Their child is always ahead of time and learning. They will have development-related questions at the end of the session.

10. Worried parents: These parents are very worried about their children they do not act on anything apart from scaring away the kid with the teacher’s name. They ensure they continue doing it by asking questions at the end of the session which is not related to the discussion done. Like he doesn’t have milk and food on his own!! He wants to play with mobile the whole day seeking the solution from the teacher. 

11. Thanksgiving parents: These parents will praise the teacher no matter what just to be in good books. They ensure they keep thanking the teacher. They will give entire credit for everything happening with their kid to the teacher even though they are been in lockdown for the last few months. 

12. Silent Parents: They log in time with the mute speakers. They listen to take notes if necessary. Ask relevant queries. Are quietly sorted and relaxed. They do not ask any unnecessary questions and not interested in anything other than the relevant topics.

13. Enthusiastic parent:  This parent is the watts app admin. She will take notes and paste the summary of the group post-session. She will also call for a meeting on the watts app for the understanding of those who couldn't attend the meeting. 

It was not different than the introductory meeting of the session before even children went to school last year.  When the principal told it’s your choice to select the menu for tiffin, only ensure that your child should eat. 

To which 

Parents no 1 asked can I send Non-veg? 

The parent no 2 my child is fond of wafers and chips only can I? 

Third said my child can eat anything with ketchup, so can I send ketup every day....

Never-ending queries. 

Alas…..child has grown to one grade but parents didn’t .....they have the same irrelevant queries.

Thanks to the teachers and principal for patience with grown-up kids. 

HOPE

Lock down has been inspiration, yes it was.... It is still. I started penning my thoughts on paper.I started blogging,  I started my online coaching as well as I learned a lot from various webinars. I got an opportunity  to explore online ativities.

Recently  I came across a social group which was related  to planting. I always wanted to have small terrace garden. We did plant some and loved taking care of them. During lock down when there was lot of negativity around those tiny little leaves always inspired us. When watered it  felt so amazing to eyes. Many smiles with blooming flowers gave peace to eyes. We have tried having a small kitchen garden also. I planted some essential  herbs like curry  leaves, coriander, mint, onion, garlic, and some creepers. With limited space we sometimes failed and sometimes the plant refused to grow in to small pots. 

I guess plants also felt that viral discussion in the air and decided to survive. Some amazing results of many stems and plants were seen when kept in water. It gave such hope.

Curry leaves always refuse to grow, no matter you get sapling. I call it the most adamant plant. But even the stick when kept in water showed small leaves grown on it. 

We have been associated with hope to get promotions, our children to grow upright way, get married and settled, we hope for a beautiful home to live in, a healthy body, and much more.

In the last some months we have been talking a lot about medicines, change in lifestyle, exercise, yoga, maintaining routine activities, correcting nutrition working from home, increasing immunity, and much more. Each of these things has shown their place but there is one thing that every human being on this planet has but do not much speak about it HOPE. We do not speak much but silently we have it within us hoping and wishing for things.

When it comes to any disease the thing that comes first is a big load of fear with it, Fear is exactly the opposite to Hope. Fear limits us to every positive thought. Hope heals in every possible way. People travel thought the world to treat diseases like cancer, TB, AIDS, they do so may treatments but the first and last much-needed thing which is not given is Hope.

Remember the doctors in the movie somewhere in 70’s would always say, you are late, Agar thoda jaldi atay to shayad Kuch kar sakte the, third stage pain hain, can’t help. And the patient would ask Kitna time hain mere pass?

Isn’t it losing hope completely and accepting? It’s almost a fear-induced market around. Saying this to the patient is taking away his hope completely.

Look around there are people who actually are living life to the fullest these days at home, in limited resources, just because they know the situation is critical and there are chances, of getting infected. Of course, there is a cure to Corona, but the fear that we see in the market is due to the phase that we have seen and have been through for months.

Remember Rajesh Khanna in ‘Anand’ the character actually lives the life to fullest when he comes to know that he has less time, he challenges the verdict of doctors and enjoys every moment of life. 

When a patient is told he has limited time at the time the patient’s body and mind give up. We have been listening to two types of people around, who have lost their loved once and those who have fought the Virus and came out of it successfully. While we feel low at the death figure, we do not feel good and inspired by the real COVID fighters……negative media.

Replace that FEAR with HOPE and a positive attitude.

You cannot live life like this just sitting at home getting scared of some virus. You can work on your body your physical as well as mental health. Take precautions and use various tools like Mask, Sanitizers, soaps, avoid crowding, have healthy food, and most important HOPE……HOPE that my month-old sapling gave me.

I thought it's dead  but it actually turned up today morning wishing me a good beginning of the day.... Felling so positive and full of HOPE.

Hope is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul

And sings the tune without the words And never stops at all

Emily Dickinson

Ek smile de… thodi hass jara......

Smile a beautiful expression. The best curve of your body. And believe me it is contagious. It brings that spark to those plain eyes. Every individual today is struggling trying to find meaning out of life. We all have become so busy, so engrossed in our lives that we actually have forgot to live it.

In this rat race we our self have forgotten to smile, enjoy life, so giving that smile to some else is out of question, isn’t it?

There is book named “Who will cry when you die” Apart from what is inside the book, what do you the think title says? 

Think what will people talk about you when you are not around? GUESS?

What you want people to say about you is in your hands, you can do it by the way you want people to talk about you. Like if you wish people should say he/she was a good human being, very kind and lovely person, u need to be one.

If you want one to say you have lovely smile, you need to give that smile to people around. Today when all are dealing with social distancing issue, believe me people are treating each other so badly. Even I see people around me who hesitate to smile at each other.

People are closing doors on each other’s face. Social distancing has converted to emotional distancing. It’s ok not to touch each other as need of an hour, but treat each other as human.

I remember in 2020 due to pandemic how northeast girl was treated by a man at a mall when he literally spit at her. How could one?

Despite all the hurry in our life we can stop for a minute to make life beautiful and world a lovely place to stay, leaving a mark behind where ever you go. Here wherever means any place like clinic, market, park, school, and workplace. Help the needy, we are lucky enough to be one who can help than the one who needs help.

Sometimes our little gestures make a lot of difference, brings smile on some ones face. A small deed of random kindness can do wonders. Giving a tip at big restaurants is a style, or say a gesture that makes increases your status. Why not give some extra money to those who delivered milk, grocery, eggs and essentials to us during pandemic. While we were in lockdown they doctor, staff, sweepers helped us in recommendable way, give it a thought.

Some simple ideas can be complimenting someone. Complementing may make the person happy and make him feel more confident. A small help offered by you to unknown person will go long way. You may find many thieves in public places but you never know who is the real needy person?

We have a sunday market near my house, where we often go for veggies and some shopping. One day I lost my husband wallet to a thief. I was extremely low and cried my heart out. I was very low as I lost all his cards, and some heavy cash. I was feeling so bad that couldn’t forgive myself for that negligence.

To my surprise my husband explained me “You never know the person must be needy and may be money was needed in hospital or some good deed” I felt so amused at his way of thinking.

To our surprise he got call from unknown person wherein we got his cards and wallet back with no money. Thief had thrown it at some railway station. So believe in “Achay logon ksaath hamesha acha hota hain”

I had lost originals to a thief while I was travelling to office in a train, but I didn't get it back. Bad meee !!

Always stay positive, be kind have empathy. Universe is like a mirror, it reflects back whatever you give. So give out positivity, give good vibes and so will you get.

We say what you sow shall you reap”

Humans can go on and on talking about themselves, try a give an ear to someone who needs it. Offer advice wherever needed. Maybe we will have less suicidal news, Fewer thefts, less bad energy.

Do not hold yourself back if you wish to help someone. You will not lose by doing something good but will lose if you hold back.

Simple activity of removing the stone from midst of road may save accidents. What say?

Remember smile is key that fits in every heart. You cannot change the world by smiling but yes if you even smile at one person making a difference then go ahead and bless that one soul. Let your radiance flow wherever you go.

Social Media Trap

Social media allows people to be expressive in a virtual world, it is also important to be expressive in your real world, but it's easier when its virtual, don’t get confused, be you on and off social media, don’t become lost in the facade you create for the virtual world.

Social media is a boon and a curse. It really depends on what you are using it for and how you use it and how much you use it. You cannot make it in either side. Many people spiral into depression and sadness when they think their lives and what they have and how they are living is inadequate compared to the lives they see on social media, Which believe me is not real. 

Of course, you can use social media to learn, inspire, share, educate etc, and then you can use it to feel good about yourself or get locked into watching the lives of other people. Things you should remember, take care of when you are on social media--

The lives of most people, your social media friends would appear like they have done well, but a lot of them are lacking many things like they are really living off parents wealth, living in homes of their parents, flaunting clothes, Jewelry, cars, etc that don’t really belong to them. It's just that you can't see beyond. A lot of people own material things on loan, which in a way is not really theirs until they pay off the loan. It’s easy to take loans and show the world a life that is not real.

Everything you see does not have to be real. There are a lot of fake things around, which look real. Artificial things look lovely and interesting.

A lot of people search for validation on social media, and that's the worst place to get validation from, that is the virtual world. You need to connect with reality for your living and unfortunately most of the virtual world is nowhere close to the real world it's very far from reality of life. 

A lot of people have fake lives. Be careful of all the people who teach you ways to hack certain parts of your lives. These are lies. Certain or actually almost all aspects of your life need self-discipline, consistency and there are no shortcuts. THERE ARE NO Shortcuts.

Understand the power of light and photography and how it can make body’s and body parts look different from real life and don’t get sucked into that lie ...If you need to look to social media for constant advice on how to dress, how to date, whom to date, sex etc, your life is pretty shallow and you need to really work at less social media time and more time figuring out and being more of you, living the real you, using wisdom, instinct etc ....

If you constantly have to refer to social media all the time to validate every part of your life, you are empty, you don’t have a mind of your own and you need less social media time and more time healing. You need time away from the social media, be yourself. 

Then of-course you have apps that can make you think, lean, strong, skinny, muscular, fake abs, butts, lips, boobs etc .... and you see this in awe and then look at yourself and immediately feel inadequate. It's just a way marketing their product differently and earning making you feel, dull, obese, ugly and low. 

Before you start your day with social media sit back and reflect on why you are on it or why you are going to spend time on it. Enter it with a mission, be it to learn, share, inspire, motivate, pass time, or is it because it is going to fill some void in you ...know this, be mindful ....think patiently. 

Be aware of people who promise you quick money making schemes ....if they really worked or were sustainable, everyone would be doing it, but everyone isn’t, so be mindful about this.

Always remember to apply your mind, use your own common sense, wisdom, intuition and instinct. Social media is full of people’s opinions, including mine, but have a mind of your own, take what you need, leave what you don’t need everyone is different. What worked for someone doesn’t have to work for you.

A lot of fad spirituality shoes us that we need to give up on life and move to the mountains to find peace and happiness, it can work, but it's not the only way. The kingdom of heaven is within you and you should be able to be spiritually remain grounded amidst chaos and life. 

In short, most of the answers we are looking for when it comes to life, living, spirituality, will be found while living your life, your real life with consciousness and awareness ....so keep social media in balance, use it well.

Alexander and Porous

I was almost on clouds, like every girl is when she is about to be a bride. While I was ending my spinsterhood my new life was peeping in all newzz. New city, new relations and a new role. Everything was getting converted legally IN LAW….every relation now had that as suffix. Daughter-in-law, Sister-in-law etc. I was legally doing shopping now and no one was stopping me. I had so many thoughts about what I will wear and how I will present myself, prepare myself for new phase of my life.

I met my in laws when they had been to my place. A car stopped at our gate, while we directed to park it inside the compound, a  seventy year old royal personality got down from the car. He was in blue formals with no cresses on it and black shining shoes. His white hairs shined with the glow of his life’s  experience . He walked with pride followed by my Mother in law and his son. He had those sharp moustache turned upwards called Handle bar Moustache. Retired from a Bank he had that slow and steady but prompt ascent and choice of words while he spoke. During the very first interaction he asked me many questions but one I remember was do you cook non-veg or are only fond of eating? Followed by a sweet and mischievous smile. His love for non veg easily reflected from his question. He was very polite and used more of English language while he spoke, being more expressive and comfortable  in English.

While they were about to leave he got shoe hand from his car door cavity. It reflected their hygiene importance in life which normally gets ignored by that age. I really admired them for it.

I was shopping I was in discussion with my mother in law for choice of colours or their preference. Thou I was keen on my choices I was trying to understand their preference and culture as well. While  I was very much in discussion with my mother in law, I hardly spoke to my father in law. One day he grabbed the phone and asked me why did I did not talk to him often as I did with my Mother in law.

I had no answer for it, but I just explained it that I was discussing about shopping and she was the better one to answer those queries. Getting an opportunity to talk , I asked him, what should I call you? 

He Said, Have you heard of Alexander and Porus? I replied positively. He further added when Alexander had caught Porus, he asked Porus how I treat you. To which Porus replied “Treat me as a king would treat with another King”

So treat me as you treat your father, what do you call him? I answered Papa. He further added so you can call me ‘Papa’.

I found a father in Father in law while I stood in the selecting a Sari for my grand occasion.

My first interaction with him as a daughter in law was very memorable .what was yours?

My kitchen turned 🌈 rainbow

 

While lock down has tested everyone’s patience I am not different. My four year old and 35 year old kid both have joined to test my patience. It being almost four months my stress level has increased more than ever.

While the routine got disturbed completely in the beginning due to lot of lovey dovey activities and family time together, it impacted directly to my nerves. At times I wish I could beg Cinderella's fairy godmother  to have a  spell turning both of them to silent pumpkins. 

It took me equal time to get these two kids for breakfast, lunch and dinner on table. Minimum five calls was the limit. One day I actually thought I would fall short of voice and end up being Jaya Bhaduri of Koshish.

After almost two months when I gave up on cooking, utensils and mopping Finally Annapurna Goddess blessed my 35 year old to cook. Such things happen once in full moon and hence it is never the daily Dal Chawal menu, it turns out to be Chinese or something exclusive with many sauces and flavours. While he kept asking for every ingredient the moment I sat in the chair in drawing room. I preferred the list of things so that I can give at once, to which he smartly replied was no you don’t worry, I will find out you relax.

Musical banging and stirring could be heard along with utensils jumping from the kitchens slab. Before I could smell some burning the exhaust started covering the music and burning smell.

My four year old foal jumping all over feeling happy of something new happening around gave me the live commentary. She ran with messages from drawing room to kitchen and vice versa.

While relaxing I was giving him tips and alternate option for any ingredient. Finally after Two hours he came out with a fork with a testing food on it ,which was directly inserted in my throat. It tasted comparatively good as it was his first try.

I woke up to my dream when I actually saw my kitchen…seems it was something like a earthquake or like someone has just run over it or what my eyes couldn’t believe what was that.

I could easily count now how many pans, pots, spoons and dishes I have in my kitchen.....once I do my utensils. 

My black slab of the kitchen has turned into rainbow; turmeric had jumped on the chilli powder along with some corn flour sprayed on all the utensils around along with the handle of the fridge. The green coriander was decorated on the white wall and white marble has all spray drops like rain of all the tadkas he gave….wow that’s the day off from cooking.

 

Disclaimer: The blog is based on imagination and do not resemble to any person around you in your house. The person portrayed in the blog may seem like your husband but that’s a mere coincidence.  

Increasing Domestic Violence

The domestic violence act is made for the effective protection of the rights of women from any kind of violence. We have heard that domestic violence has increased like never before during the lockdown, what does that mean?

If you think you are not treated the way you should be resulting in physical or mental hurt, stress, or violence, it may be domestic violence. DV is a serious threat to women by husband, family members, or in-laws. It is not only heated arguments but physical torture, emotional, or even economic abuse.

Many times women do not even understand what is domestic violence and remain in the cycle of violence. She stays in abusive relationships because of society or family pressures. Remember the movie Thappad? Not only Tapsee Pannu’s character but also her maids’ character gives you a clear idea of self-esteem and domestic violence. Having self-esteem is very important for one to live a normal life.

Domestic violence is the best tool to fight against violence, gives power to women, thou there are some opportunistic women in society who try to abuse the legal system by misusing it. So it’s always a tool used in divorce cases. If you see carefully in the movie Thappad she never mentioned she was abused by domestic violence but was just against the slap she got form her husband, that’s self-esteem. 

Woman exposed to  DV goes thru a lot of guilt, confusion, self-blame, and shame as they love their partners. A lot of them feel hopeless, stuck, and helpless in such situations. But speaking about it is the only way out. Women think there is no way out of DV, but staying in abusive relationships may put her life at risk. It may extend to your family also, like Children always suffer due to violence and abusive relationships.

At times you feel abused in a loving relationship, but it is not clear if it really can be termed abuse. Actually in such cases the abuser, the husband also doesn’t understand he is doing wrong or even violating the women’s rights. The following points may help you identify and correct your abusive behavior. 

How to identify the red flags in your relation, here are some

• If your partner, in-laws, or family members are keeping a watch on you, like where you go, whom you meet, or other activities.

• Demanding your passwords to private emails, phones, etc, expecting you to reply to texts and 

         messages immediately

• Discouraging you to see your friends or parents.

• Discouraging you to go to work.

• Constant accusing you of cheating

• Losing temper every now and then without a factual reason, resulting in panic or abusive language.

• Controlling how you spend your money, medicines

• Demeaning you, controlling your personal activities like what to wear, etc, which, is normally decided by an individual? 

• Physically harming or threatening you, humiliating in front of others

• Destroying your property you care about

• Beating, shoving, slapping, kicking, or pushing you using any weapon against you.

• Forcing to have sex or intimate activities

• Abetment or forcing to suicide

There is help available, many  NGO’s and various organizations that deal with DV as the main function. I have been associated with one NGO for about two years, they worked for unfortunate women free of cost Legal Aid for DV. It fought for the helpless women who suffered and finally decided to stand for themselves. Domestic violence is seen throughout all societies may be rich or poor. 

They help you by supporting you in providing shelter homes, guidance, and even counseling. Free Legal Aid is also made available to abused women. You can talk to someone who has been trained to help. DV can be taken care of by counseling and talking before it gets into practice and piling up.

The link below can give you a clear idea and help if required.

http://www.facebook.com/safety/domesticviolenceresources

It is very essential to speak out rather than suffering. There always a way out and the world stands out to help you. You will have to take one step for your self to make your life worth living and your kids live a stress-free life.

Loneliness... Call, ping... Message... Just talk

Its not easy fighting everyday with emotions to make it seems better... In this panademic many people are facing a toughest emotion that is "loneliness" "detached from the social circle" and a feeling of " nothing matters anymore" .....

People are suggesting each other to stay positive , but its not easy to follow an advice just because somebody said so....the inner feelings at times are not being identified, it's just feeling unrealistic, unreliable, helpless and just running away with no end. We are so much isolated with our prolems and our thoughts that we complete  ignore the world around.

Coming across so many suicide news this time... I wondered , did they need somebody to talk to? Its just that we are realising this more in pandemic, else it's happening all around. It's just that we realised it more in film industry, bollywood, TV serials, but let us not forget our farmers who committed  suicide.

I had mentioned  in my earlier blog about getting rid of suicidal  thoughts and distract  yourself. 

Refer https://meshirish.blogspot.com/2020/05/when-life-loses-hope-suicide.html

Do u know what they needed at that time when they decided to end everything? Reason is not important, important  is the feeling they got .... loneliness. The fact to ponder upon is that they felt helpless and were sure no one on this earth can help them. 

One of the basic  reasons is the connect we have. The families are not close knit as they were earlier. We are approachable on mobiles and stay connected by various social platforms, still we lack the intensity and warmness in relations. 

A non - judging person who could have smiled and said , let make everything okay for u..! Don't wait for non judging person, don't worry about judging people.. Kuch to log kahenge.. Don't worry.

Everybody around judges you based your actions and acts. It's difficult to open up. In difficult times people do not find  anyone to rely on. 

Through this post I am trying to reach out to many of you...I will be happy to help even one person thru this. You can call up helplines  for suicidal thoughts. You can call or see some doctor, do not distance yourself. 

The suicidal thought may relieve you of something which is not as important as your life leaving you loved ones shattered. Think about everyone around who is waiting for your call, your smile, to hear from you. 

Before taking such harsh step, just look back what has taken you to reach this pedestral. Remember all the pains you or your family has been through  to reach this level.  Your family will never ever think of living without you or you finishing  your own life. 

Human mind is so complex and has so many facets.. it's time people gave mental health as much importance.. often people going through mental health issues like depression, schizophrenia or other disorders are labeled and stigmatized..some times even ostracized. 

I think we just need to start being nice to people..coz we don't know what someone is going through... Today unfortunately we all are in a phase where we are struggling, coping up, striving and some may be crumbling without showing any signs... let's all be a little more tolerant,less judgemental and simply be there for each other.

#mentalhealth

Please talk... Please help each other...! Please give each other a chance to breathe for each other...!! 

I am a phone call away... I promise I won't judge you or keep it with me. You can trust me. 

I am not a certified consultant or expert for any psychological studies but, I voluntarily offer my help to anyone in need of a positive emotional charge. I will try to talk and listen to you if in need for support. 

In case you need

Please stay happy and positive and Remember..this is not the end! 🙏

Ping! Call! Do anything ... But talk..!

Loss of companion...

My Neighbourhood aunty inspired me to write this blog. She is almost in her seventies, all alone. Uncle expired last year resulting her to stay alone. She had three daughters all married. 

She recently shifted near my place. Aunty was bit reserved earlier. She used to take tuitions for kids. Sudden announcement of lockdown stopped her tuitions and simultaneously blocked her mode of getting busy. More than money I guess it was her tool of spending her day. One day while I was cleaning the veranda, she also happened to open the door. I smiled and that is where conversations started.

I helped her with a self help book and started talking to her assisting her as and when needed. But I guess that was not enough. I wished I could do something more for her.

Finally the catch was she was suffering because of the loneliness. She kept thinking and that was hurting her. She was unable to sleep. After discussion with her, I happened to talk to of my husband’s uncle, whose wife –Aunty expired a year back. He was also alone but he was managing. He was also facing challenges living alone in his house.

Losing a spouse can be devasting whether the death is sudden or as result of prolonged illness. Between intense emotions, lifestyle changes and many practical considerations that accompany the death of spouse, one feels anxious and over whelmed about future.

It’s difficult to live without a partner with whom you have spend some years of your life to the extent of getting used to each other. It’s like a habit. You never know how death would come? Facing sudden change in life is very difficult  and painful. It can be overcomed by doing some things for your own self as follows-

Go easy on yourself: There is no right way to feel after your spouse is no more. Various variables contribute to your feelings like how long you both lived happily, about your children’s age and how dependant you are. You may feel heartbroken anxious and shocked. You may feel less fortunate to live without him/her. Your friend and family may not know what to say and how to console, doesn’t mean they do not care. You may want to talk about your spouse but they may avoid doing so to avoid hurting you.

You should have your individual routine: Many times we have collective routines. But your routine should not be hampered by loss of spouse or any others actions. Do not hold back, follow your routine strictly. Keep yourself busy, even resting should be part of your busy routine. Do not overload your or be harsh, just have your time, take rest have peace of mind, from where ever you get it. Have light activities to cheer your mood. Like playing with your grandchildren, just visiting park with them.

Dealing with your interests:  Your partner’s interest may differ from yours. You may or may not have taken up your interests when your spouse  was around.  You should be in touch of your interests. Give some time for your hobbies and ideas. Spend some time alone the ME time. It is seen that partners follow each others lives and dislikes. They actually  forget their  interests. You should have your list of things to do so that you keep yourself occupied. If you like reading, try read more positive books. Self help books in such situation can be good mind exercise. If you were associated with some activities go for it, like painting, gardening.

Practicing Yoga and exercise: Doing exercise and Yoga should be as important as we breathe. Yoga not only helps you keep physically fit but helps you keep your mind calm and healthy. You should have enough sleep, as resting is best tool to good health. Keep a fixed routine of workout; join yoga class or a walking group if needed to mind the routine. Having accompany may push you or encourage you to do activities keep you moving and healthy.

Having healthy diet:  Eating healthy food, having good diet, is very important to stay healthy. Always have fresh and warm food. Ensure you eat fresh vegetables and fruits.  Maintain your food intake rather than drowning in sorrow by excessive drinking or crying, or even thinking. You have no appetite but you will have to keep good diet.

Surround yourself with positive people: Always have good and positive people around you. Try and join a group may be Yoga class, Kitty group, Satsang, anything that interests you. Seek support avoid feeling lonely and depressed. You may likely turn inward, but you will feel better if you seek support, love, care from friend, family even religious committees. At times joining group of people who are grieving may also help. If you had some group you were a part of as a couple, share your feelings there, you may feel better.

Your care takers or doctors can assist you to get similar groups of your age to get associated with. It’s difficult to live without partner, but giving it a try to live healthy will help you have better life than burying yourself in sorrow and making life miserable. 

Remarry :I remember  some years back one old man stayed next to my mummy's place. He must be above 70's. He was staying alone and was quiet disciplined. One fine day it came to our knowledge  that he got remarried. Marrying at that age was the topic of gossip all around. I remember even his daughter we were married and settled  were quiet unhappy  about his marriage. I was too young to understand  but I could make out he did something  very wrong. Today I understand  how important  it was for him to have a companion at that age. I don't find anything  wrong in it. 

Due to pandemic many youngsters  have lost their spouse or partners. It very difficult  to console  them. But ideally they should go ahead and join their work, job, or respective fields than mourning for their deaths. That's the best way to keep themselves busy as life doesn't stop and no one actually can be there for you serving you and sharing  your sorrow throughout your life. 

Life goes on you will have live it. So make the best out of it. I know many people who have lost their spouse but have managed to stay stronger and keep up with good health and routine. So can you cheer up and move ahead.

I would expect the readers to share this with especially those who need it. Just a word of support  means a lot at such Phase of life. 

World through those tiny eyes...

Baba is not going to court for some days and mummy is also relaxed. She sleeps till late, there is no cooking hurry. There is no school. And everybody is at home but in their house. 

I have many friends in school and in my society. Daksha, Shuddhi, and Krishna are my best friends. Mummy says Dakshu and Shuddhi are elder to me, but as I am as tall as Dakshu is. I study in Nursery. I love my teacher but mummy says she is dumb. Maybe, because mummy wants her to speak in English in class, but she Hindi also. Now Krishna has gone to her grandparents. So I Dakshu and Shuddhi play every day.

Mummy did not allow me to go out of the house for one month. One month I played with mummy and baba. We had so much fun. We enjoyed so many new toys. Mummy and papa also played with me. I have so many new games. The treasure hunt is my favorite because I get some surprise gifts at the end of the game. Peppa pig gets gold coin chocolates. I have asked mummy to get me those coins.

I have a big house very very big such that we three can sit in it. I have a cooking set also, I cook for my toys. My dolls love my food, especially omelet. I have two more houses, one is a small house very very small, the tiny dolls stay in it another is a piggy bank. Piggybank doesn’t look like a piggy, it has animals on it. It has a tiger and elephant on it. Now I know tigers are stripped and leopard spots on it. I take all my dolls to play with me, I teach them. I am their teacher.

No one is coming out big virus corona has come. People feel ill if it catches them. My papa is a secretary and he works with Ganesh's uncle and his friends. They keep on telling everybody to avoid going out. But no one listens; I listen to my mom and dad. My society residents are going crazy to go out. Every day papa explains one person why we should not go out. 

Papa wears a mask every day, he got one mask for me also. When I wear masks no one recognizes me. I love my new mask. I have two colorful scarfs also. I have a small scarf for my baby doll also.

Mummy says it’s important to wash everything you buy from the market. She has asked me to wash hands frequently. I love my new hand wash, instead of washing hands I love making bubbles. Papa got me a new tiny hand sanitizer. He says using it will kill all bacteria and germs on my hand. I brush my teeth every day; papa says brushing regularly will kill the germs in my mouth. I brush twice a day; mummy says if I don’t brush twice my teeth would turn brown and black like one of my friends Manav. He has brown teeth. I have white teeth.

Mummy keeps running from one room to another, she says she is exercising. Baba also does exercise but we do it in one room. I also have dumbbells like baba. His dumbbells are very heavy. Mine is also heavy but I am very strong to pick them up. 

Nowadays papa helps Mumma a lot in her work, they are best friends like me and Daksha.Our kamwali aaji us not coming due to Corona. 

I and Dakshu love to dance. We have divided the song between both of us. We loved dancing in the rain also. We danced in the rain yesterday. I enjoyed dancing in rain but as the result of I had to drink yellow milk, mummy says turmeric is good for health. I will not get a cough and cold.

We have tied a bag with a long string in our balcony so that we don’t go out. Milkman puts milk packet in that bag and I love pulling it up. Today Ganesh uncle gave me chocolate in that bag.

Baba has grown a big beard. Mummy says it looks nice. Grandma doesn’t like it much. I also do not like. There is no place for me to kiss on his cheeks. I kiss his forehead for a good night.

Mummy and Papa keep doing some work on a laptop and they tell me they are studying. Its holidays but mummy makes me study every day. I miss my school but mummy says it is going to take time to reopen schools. They watch news early morning and become every serious. Then I put on my cartoon show. I love Masha and the Bear, Peppa pig, Fukrey kids, Ninja Hatori, and Puppy pals.

It is fun to be at home but I miss going to the garden . I miss all my friends from school. We do not to watch movies on the big screens now. I want to go out, but Mummy Papa also does not go out at all. So I need to be a good girl and stay at home.