MeShirish

Grandparents are not babysitters

Grandparents, two elderly people in our family. Children are very fond of them; they are almost like good friends who enjoy playing with each other. The common thing is both are at the stage of enjoying their life. Grandparent support, guide and assist in raising children. My phone call with my in laws longs for more than an hour every day and ends with number of suggestions and advices for my kid by them. Today as both parents are working it becomes duty of grandparents to take care of children. Children love it when their grandparents pick them up from schools and classes. My daughter enjoys sharing each and every thing with her grandfather on phone call.

But, it cannot be their duty to take care of your children, they are not babysitters. They have done their part of parenting and so should we. Basically due to joint family system we tend to think that grandparents are supposed to take care of children when parents go to office. This thought process is just because we live together in one house. There is very clear order passed by Pune court against a maintenance plea by a lady saying’ its duty of parents and not the grandparents to take care of the children. They should not be burdened to babysit grandchildren by compromising their relaxation, entertainment and travel plans.

Almost 40% of ladies are unhappy if not getting support from their in laws in taking care of kids. They hold in laws responsible for putting children in crèche. Do they not have the right to enjoy their freedom in their own way? The fact is unknowingly we take them for granted. We should always have a system of asking before handing over the Child responsibility to them, ultimately they end up starting from scratch OF PARENTING.

Coming back to joint family, we actually expect them to skip their relaxation time, or Satsang time and run behind your little one, feed him till you reach home. You at times take liberty to send the last mail and reach home late, but they cannot have their own right to spend their time as they want.

Secondly grandparents may have different parenting approach and not all parents may be comfortable with it. Simple thing like afternoon nap to which you are not comfortable as the child may take long to sleep at night, but the oldies need an afternoon rest and may expect the child to have a nap.

We women want both the world our financial freedom and the family time and expect children to be bought up our way. You will definitely go through awkward situation in such case. Sometimes we are quite due to obligations, but at some point that may erupt in wrong way. Similarly, they may adjust for some time but later it may come up in different way of unpleasant experience.

A very thoughtful decision I took once I gave birth to my baby, I realized she is my husband and my prime the responsibility, hence I gave up my job to make peace with mother and carrier oriented girl in me. I was, and I am able to bring her up in my own way. Also, this avoided the unpleasant situation in me and my in laws. Leaving the job somewhere I felt like I lost my so-called independence in form of earnings, but with help my husband we both achieved happiness and peace of mind which I valued more over money!

During all this I realized grandparents need their own time personal space and would always love to live the way they want, like the way we want at this age. Growing older is not taking care of grandchildren. As a parent they must have sacrificed as we do for our kids, so why do they have keep doing same at this age of life.

You’re in laws may definitely adore your children more than you, but that doesn’t mean they would love to change diapers and feed them now and then. It’s primarily your duty and result of your decision. So take the decision of having a child only when you are ready to take the diaper changing responsibility.

Do not keep sulking about not getting their support, take charge of your parenthood. Believe me you will be a happier and peaceful Parent nurturing your child.

Oldies in our house are together for few more years. Yes that’s the fact, and they need to share some pleasant and lovely moments with each other. They may also have some memories to remember, some dreams yet to accomplish. They also had struggled life of their part and want to be at peace. Life is different now; we live in nuclear families, enjoy weekends, have parties, and live on our conditions. The generation whom we call grandparents lived in joint family, had more of social responsibilities. They had weekend but not like us to enjoy and party. Remember what your parents did on weekends. They are at phase where any one of them may leave another forever. They are more of friends now than husband and wife.

Let them live their way have peace and enjoy the retirement just sitting in the chair looking calmly at each other.

Our new normal..

Change is the only a constant thing in our life. We change, adjust with the culture and as per surroundings we live in. Our food habits, our clothes, depends on the climatic condition, we wear Woolen in winter and cotton in summer. Circumstances change us as a human; we adapt the new lifestyle by accepting the change and doing necessary changes in our day-to-day habits. Human is also one of the animals on earth. We call ourselves developed, or advanced as we not only change but also adopt new things in life.

As we all know shortly we all will be free to move around after two months or more. I am thinking about something beyond today and tomorrow. It is for sure that this pandemic will try our patience throughout the year. Let us understand this better and make life easier. New change in day to day life awaits us, for acceptance and following it with urge to overcome the hurdles of illness and pain and deaths around us.

Daily activities may start like earlier but in some different way. Schools, college will function but from home that is Online studies. Corporate will function from home. There would be lesser traffic on road compared to the one before two months.

But there is big list of things we will have to add in our daily routine and include in our day-to-day habits.

We have heard a story Gulliver and Lilliput, remember the small tiny people Lilliput’s and the big huge Gulliver. I could not find anything better to compare or suggest for our future. Lockdown is called off in green zones but orange and red is going to take time, how much no one knows. Things are getting worse day by day, because of humans' negligence and misuse of freedom and opportunities given. Yes even now, I mean those big lines to buy liquor. Anyways this is not our today’s topic. Our topic is life is going to change from Gulliver to Lilliput.

Human has misused everything to extend from Gulliver to Lilliput. A grand big party for a one-year-old kid’s birthday is going to be like a real birthday now. Grand wedding celebrations inviting around a thousand people and a hundred variety of food are going to limit to maybe fifty with lesser food wastage. Weekend parties, visit to malls and movies, etc is going to be replaced by family lunch. It will be a totally different life, changed life that we will actually live. Holidays will be holidays and no more limited to shopping and Mall visits as Malls will be closed. If you meet any of your friends, you won't get the handshake or hug; it will be waving of hands, just a hi. We will have to see that we completely avoid it and join Indian culture by joining hands together saying ‘Namaste’.

While traveling, you will have companions, but no one will share your seat, or peep in your phone. You will be provided marks everywhere to stand on and be seated in metros and buses like we were given when we were in kinder garden, told by our teachers to stand on the mark.

It will be difficult to identify your friends as their face would be covered with masks. You may at times feel like attending the P. T class in school where you were asked to keep one hand gap in two people. Every entry and exit will be providing you hand sanitizers and sprays.

Welcome the new life with changes, but ensure you follow the 'MUST' things. Ensure the compliance to hygienic life, there may be no chance for error correction. The catch is the virus is spreading by touch and by cough and sneezing. The symptoms start with fever and throat infection. We need to stay away from anything that would cause throat infection and increase our immunity to avoid fever. If we take care of these basic rules we will definitely serve this pandemic.

So Let’s see how our future is going to be, actually it’s going to be more of B2B… Back to basics, being more careful while following the class's first teachings. We will have to bring the good habits back which we have forgotten somewhere and miss at times due to other priorities of work. Hence, forth our priority has to be maintaining hygiene without any excuse.

 Wash hand after regular intervals.

 Sanitize everything that you buy from the market...

 Avoid going to crowded places

 Avoid any family get together, function or events

 Remember to wash your hand before meals.

 Cover your mouth with hanker chief when u cough or sneeze.

 Always cover the food

 Exercise daily

 Eat wholesome, fresh, and healthy food

Ensure you don't travel across unnecessary. Do not plan any event for the next year or two. If at all you are planning see that you do not make it a grand event, limit the list to few invites, or even avoid. Do not plan any outing a trip, picnic for next year.

The vaccine will be discovered but it will take more than a year to cover each and every person on earth. It's not going to be easy, our next year or more is going to be around the coronavirus. You will have to ensure you have good immunity so that you can serve this pandemic. You will have to be family person and will have to possibly stay at home. Plan more activities from home and avoid going out frequently or unnecessary.

It’s going to be tough but tough gets going…so practice. Try to make a schedule of shopping only needy things. This year’s all functions, festivals, and religious events are going to be on a smaller scale or even can be held back. The best example today stands at the GSB Ganapati festival which is postponed.

You will have to behave that seriously like you behaved at the very beginning of the pandemic.

Ensure

 Only one person goes out of the house for household work,

 Wash the used clothes immediately or keep them in sunlight for some hours, the same thing applies to anything that you buy.

 For the next one year, you cannot add the grocery direct to your shelves, without exploring it to sanitizer’s sprays, sunlight, or detergent wash.

 To add on protective tools you will have to use full sleeves, along with hand gloves, scarf or masks, etc.

If at all anyone gets infection have empathy, support the person, and give him the willpower and hope to overcome the situation. Please mind that the recovery rate is good as compared to deaths.

This is something we need to do for individuals, but what about our duty towards the nation. We are going to fall short of something like blood, beds in hospitals, sanitizers, and face masks. Food provisions, grocery, milk provisions, medicines. See how can we contribute. Contribute to National cleanliness by not spitting on roads.

As schools will start we will need books, why not have second-hand books as we do not know if due to lockdown the books are printed or not. Maybe our books can help some poor or just a needy who is unable to go out or unable to buy them.

It was a critical time, businesses have closed, people have lost jobs and the economy is at its lowest. Let us encourage and help people find the right jobs, direct them to the right path, help People fight depression. Things will take time to fall in place but we will have to show the strength and spirit.

Some of you may come with suggestions, then why call off the lockdown, let it continue for a month or more. Guys, you must have heard of economic crises, we are not doing well economically. People do not have money, they have lost jobs, they have migrated back to their states, maids, drivers all are suffering. Government can't help everybody directly, we will have to take initiative and help people around us.

One more important thing to consider while we were in lockdown we were served by people like doctors, milkman, sweeper, watchman, police whom we have always taken for granted. Respect and make peace with such professions. Do not forget to appreciate them.

We have lost much more than we thought but our steps to control the spread and serve the pandemic calls for applause for all of us. We may never have such a situation in the future, but serving one more year or two with courage is something we all should look forward to.

CHEENIKAM..

I feel like landmine of emotions when I write this blog. There is so much to say and explain but I am not sure how many of you would agree to me on this.

We all know the corona story, so I am not explaining it just a catch in this story is it came somehow from China and is eating the world up. How it happened as they also suffered a lot because of it. No country would do this with their own people. No country….does china come in this list of no country?

Lets us understand some facts about China, China is not a democratic country like India. There is more of dictator ship; there are not even human rights as such. We all have struggled to stay happy and show happy happy dp’s on our status. We managed to do this for every day since last two months, how long will be able to do this? We are not allowed to move out of our house in our society. The society management is providing us everything at home veggies, fruits, grocery, eggs, bread you name it and you have it. Police is maintaining law and order on roads and other market places. Hospitals are crowded with patients and all the staff struggling every day.all business and Markets are closed and economy has crashed than ever.

Who is responsible? We know we don’t want to go into argument and thoughts on it. Let us talk about future. We are taking precautions, using sanitizers, maintaining social distancing and we will have to do this may be for a year or more. Things seem to be in control (we console ourselves when we wash our hands frequently)

While the entire world is working for vaccine and eradication of corona, China is getting political with all the countries around. We India were always in some conflict with China like we have with Pakistan. They have been calling Ladakh and Arunachal Pradesh as their territories. Not only with India but China is pushing itself against the borders of Japan, Australia and Vietnam.

Last couple of days we have seen in news that we are facing problems at our borders In Ladakh and Sikkim. Most of countries are facing economic crises due to lockdown and no country is in state of war. But China is getting prepared for war, as per the statement made by Chinas President, who has asked their army to prepare for war.

China on the other hand is getting associated with poor countries by helping them financially. Countries who need financial help or say loans but are rejected on international forum due to their inability to fulfil certain criteria are financed by China .They finance various project such a way that the debt goes too high for the countries to return their loans. Countries like Srilanka, Myanmar and Pakistan have accepted financial help from China.

One of the countries is Pakistan and Srilanka our very neighbours. The debt and interests are taken care that they go high with inflammation or just overrating it. When these countries would fail to repay the loans there is where China’s debt diplomacy policy comes in picture wherein they actually create such bases in different countries. Further they handle the operations there resulting slowly to increase Chinese population. Classic example is the place named Djibouti in Africa, it’s an African country and china practically owns it. This is now used by China against US to threaten them. By the way this started with strategic investment in Africa.

Let us see how China is investing; surprisingly it’s investing in a circular pattern covering every side of India. There is possibility that in case of war or emergency China will attack us from all sides.

China has lost humanity to level of creating this pandemic all over the world, what do u think will it think twice before doing any such biological attack. China wants to be a superpower and will go for it on any cost. We are not at all in state of war, but if we do not have an option to go for us, we will be at great loss as china has its investments all around us and has created their base in such a way that they can be converted to military base any time.

China is doing all this on the basis of their economical power, and its gets that power from all of us. How? We use Chinese products at extensive level. Most of the things we own are Chinese, I won’t say to throw all that you have but can we try and contribute to Indian army just by supporting them and not buying Chinese products anymore. Removing the Chinese apps from our phone also can be a good contribution.

Mr Sonam Wangchuk has explained in his various videos the necessity to stop using Chinese products. Applications immediately within a week and other products at least in a year. Applications and software are extensively used in India at zero cost, but people are not aware what will they cost to us shortly.

India gives China business of five thousand cores by buying their products in market. This amount is used against our army on borders; do we want to buy it at that cost? Apart from this we also provide financial support thru Chinese apps, which are used by our young generation extensively

We become patriotic on 15th Aug and 26th January or when we watch patriotic movies like Bhagat Singh or Raazi. But when it comes to deleting a simple application we are not ready to do it on countries cost. I will say people are not serious yet.

Even Indian Government has asked FDI foreign directing Investment to monitor all business closely so that we do not let China enter our country thru any sort of investment.

Chinese debt trap is like getting edicted to sugar, your body needs sugar because it gives instant boost but by the time you realise it late its already late and you get trapped to Diabetes….so guys lets contribute to the nation by just a small step…………….Cheenikam. Friends we not have nay issue with the country and their people we have issues with their attitude and their unwanted activities at our borders.

Many of you may be of different opinion as we somewhere fall short against the variety and technology China's has. Also we really do not insist for Chinese products, but if government is making them available, public is going to buy them. Why not we do our contribution by the time our government makes some rules against foreign products.

We are so fond of foreign products that we do not even know Indian brands and their performance.We should give them chance and improvise them. It will take time to inculcate the patriotism in us and use of Indian products.

With this action we also encourage our local products and help the country overcome economic crises. Its not about what political parties say but let be swavalambi, atmanirbhar and believe in swadeshi. Don’t do it for Modi, because half the nation doesn’t want to do it because Modi has said it. Do it for our country, encourage local business, encourage Make in India. Modi has come now,but you and your country was always there right??

We have done this earlier by boycotting the British products and accepted Swadeshi. Why can’t we do it now? We have got an opportunity to fight for the country not for freedom but to save the freedom we have got after so many sacrifices. Can we save our country??

Let us not limit ourselves to enjoy freedom, stay at home stay safe, make and watch videos and be happy on thousand and lakh of likes. Do your part of contribution to the nation………CHEENIKAM

Challenge online study

It’s the first-ever longest lockdown in India. While we are struggling to adjust to the changes coming our way, I feel like a juggler managing and balancing all the tasks, properties with equal attention. It’s the month of May and Academic New Year peeps around the corner. We do not yet have a clear idea of how it’s going to be. Central board schools have already started their webinars, video calls, etc. Some schools have started sending the videos to parents so that they get the task /studies completed from their children. Before we conclude if it’s a good way or a better way of studying, let us understand it’s the need of this hour. There is no other option left than online studies.

This is the system applied to all age groups starting from kinder garden to secondary classes. Incorporates we always practiced webinars and video conferencing but never thought it would be a method of child studies also. We always struggled to keep children away from the magnetic gadget life but seems we will have to stop now as that’s the only tool left. After cursing the invention of gadgets at times now we welcome it and hand over the same to kids.

This is going to be difficult, for students, as well as teachers. Both are used to study face to face or say in person, which cannot be replaced by any other method. Earlier the place was different like classes were conducted in open, which are conducted in closed shed premises called schools.

Well, we already had some experience in online studies like the cd’s materials available online for various courses. Many new online learning and teaching platforms are available. That’s the boon for working professionals who wish to upgrade or learn as well as for them who would like to teach and share their knowledge. It’s also a new source of income.

Online study has its own advantage and disadvantages.

It is government norms for online education that a parent should be sitting along with the kids till class four. It will take time for children to get over and understand this new method of learning. Apart from education schools is all about friends and other activities like sports etc. The online study would be skipping this for the moment.

Some students are slow learners and take time to understand; at times they need special attention or repetitive explanation. Here parents would come in the picture to make the child understand the concept.

There would less or no more bunking.

Parents with two kids, attending online classes at the same time would be a problematic situation or unavailability of resources like gadget or network issue may be a hindrance in the flow of study. Continuity may also suffer.

I had a brief discussion on this with some of my friends, especially some who are teachers, tutors, and parents to understand their views and errors they are facing. If any of you are facing the problem mentioned in the above point, please talk to the schools or teachers they can provide you the link to the specific lecture, wherein you can review it for better understanding.

Teachers are also finding the system short as they are also used to connect with the children, the responses and the face reading would have limitations. Our teachers could easily make out if the student understood the concept or not by looking at their faces. There were chances of re explanation when taught face to face.

Also, did we realize that’s its much testing time for them, they know they are being watched by not only students but parents beside them? This makes their job more difficult. No matter how skilled a doctor you are conducting surgery on your loved one is always a challenge, it’s always a challenge if someone is judging you based on your performance.

The total onus of studies lies more on students than anyone else. Here we are talking about primary kids (Jkg to 4th), as working professionals or secondary kids can find it a bit easy.

We had everything earlier like some online apps like Vedanta, byju’s, but in order to keep our children away from gadgets, we never surfed them, now its time to know more about such sites.

I had earlier shared in one of my blogs (https://meshirish.blogspot.com/2020/05/children-and-internet-safety.html) about the care to be taken when your child is studying online where he has the chance to explore and know anything and everything.

We will have to be extra careful and take this mode of study in ease. Children may enjoy or just may get frustrated with the online studies as they do not move out meet their friends, share Tiffin’s, and have fun which they actually have in school. It will be our duty to make them understand the situation the world is going through.

This is a matter of a year or so, but accepting the challenge and making changes in lifestyle for betterment is a must. As change is the only constant…..

(A word of concern: We are not aware of the book stores have books as due to lockdown the print industry was also closed. Let us share our books with someone who is unable to reach out to the stores or is unable to buy them due to the unavailability of money. Use second-hand books)

When life loses hope... SUICIDE

Lockdown has taken so many lives, people have depressed to the extent of committing suicides. Repeated similar news made me write this blog, taking some social responsibility. I hope this may at least add to your knowledge and may be of help to anyone who is not in good state of mind. It is very disheartening when any human commits suicide due to any reasons.

It’s not that this is happening only in pandemic, we have heard of suicides due to various reasons all these years. Farmer suicide, love triangles, exam failure tensions, family issues, domestic violence, corporate stress, business failure, failure in relationships, Inability to have kids and many more. We live a stress full life and somewhere it leads to mental illness or mental health issues.

A person commits suicide due to his inability to live happily due to any reason, but the main cause is his mental state of mind which does not allow him to come out of the thought of finishing self. Committing or assisting suicide is crime U/s 309 of IPC. Thou the Mental Healthcare Act 2017, says any person who attempts to commit suicide shall be presumed unless proved otherwise to have severe stress and shall not be punished.

According to data so far 300 people have committed suicide due to various reasons in lockdown.80 people have committed suicides due to loneliness and fear of being tested positive for Covid-19. Her figure is not important; suicide in itself is such a painful decision. I would say in a general human being has decided to not live for their own reason, but we need to understand whatever the reason was, the main cause is they were not accompanied by any family member, or friend to hear them. These human beings are not limited or restricted to any caste, region, field or financial condition.

Suicide Prevention India Foundation

Imagine they did not find anyone to talk to or share their burden before they took the decision. How come human beings got into so much of loneliness in spite of increasing connectivity tools?

Economic uncertainty and social isolation made things worse and created mental health crises. Supporting family friends and colleagues during such a critical situation is very important. We all are worried about the pandemic and checking on our physical health, but it is equally important to check the impact on mental health also. Here we don’t need to be experts just few actions of concern may help.

Just check in- We might not be able to meet due to social distancing but you can always pick up a phone and have call. Have group chats, have video calls, let people around you know you are listening. Connect to someone you think needs to be listened to.

Listen and reflect-Thou we are in the sound of health, there are chances of getting into disturbing mental health due to the panic around or say it’s a challenging time for our mental health wellbeing. If someone is sharing their issues or concerns, you just need to listen and revert in your capacity. Many times it is not about giving a solution it’s about listening, just giving an ear. Listening to a person is a big action. Show that you are taking him seriously maybe that can help.

Ask questions- If you find someone around you is not opening up but is in some distress, you can visit them again and ask questions. At times just asking again and again or showing interest helps a person to open up. Your asking question shows the person you are interested in to know his well being.

Unfortunately, it is believed that people who are not enough strong, say fearful or cowardly tend to choose the easier way, but you never know how hard the person must have tried in his limits before taking the decision. Do not judge them. There must be people around who are silently seeking for help.

There are various platforms to discuss mental health being, there are suicide intervention centers. The volunteers are given intensive training so that they can help you deal with emotional breakdowns.

Suicide is a very important public health issue, I am writing this blog just because I care for every human being around me. Thou I am not a trained person for counseling I believe just sharing and caring would definitely help the aggrieved.

Let us see how to overcome suicidal thinking, these points are applicable in general, today due to pandemic we have some limitations as we all are at home or say restricted to go out.

Get out for a while: Changing the location helps if it stressful to stay at your place or visit some friends you like to stay with. working out a bit releases happy hormones, Jog at home, go for walk, dance at home. Watch your favorite movie or something you enjoy even cartoon movies. Visit new places you like to like exhibitions, library.
Be creative: Involve yourself in some creative activities like drawing, painting, writing something new, may be short stories, poems, just making colorful rangolis, making meals, craft, art anything you enjoy doing.
Sooth yourself: Go for Yoga, meditate, and listen to your favorite songs or even solo performance, monologues.
Try and relax: Take a shower with warm water trying to relax you. Take a body massage. Take a nap. Taking enough sleep can also help; if not able to relax take small naps whenever possible.
Positive Company: Be surrounded with people who make you believe in yourself, encourage you. Keep a positive company.

If at all the thought comes, please hold yourself back thinking about your loved ones who will be in permanent pain without you. Everything in life can be gained and can be overcome to expect life, if anyone gives up.

Do a small exercise, take a pen and paper, and write down all positives in your life. It will be difficult to write them or count them in such a stage where you feel low. Life is very precious. Be thankful for everything you have, the opportunities you got. I can help you write some positives...

Having parents is also luck because not all have
Having a house to live in
Having family
Getting food twice in day
Being educated to read and write
Having all your body parts in place

And many more there people who do not have all this and still struggle to live with high spirits. Let’s learn from them and look towards new sunrise, new hope of life, and a new day, let’s look at better tomorrow.

Those painful days…O Womaniya!!

Red was my favourite colour, yes when I was small about four to five years I always wanted everything bright and dark..Red. I remember I had red dress, red shoes, red purse even red night dress.

As I grew up, all of the sudden red was not that favourite for me. It turned into colour of pain, colour of suffering, some sort of inability, or say sort of binding. I was not allowed to play, not allowed to attend any religious functions, wasn’t allowed to go new places. I couldn’t go to friends place to stay overnight.

There was sort of uncomfort, followed by frequent visits to washroom just to check. I stopped enjoying my visits to play ground lost interest in sports when I missed my interschool competitions. These four days were not much spoke about, I remember we used speak in sign language or code language with friends or even mumma in public places.

I don’t know how many mothers or elders explain this to their daughters but I was not told about this till I actually learned this in standard tenth in my biology lesson. Where I understood it was something because of which women can be a mother. Comparatively I see girls or parents more vocal about menstrual cycle these days.

Some think it’s a boon to the women, who is more trusted by nature for reincarnation.

Going some years back and looking at those four days of menstrual cycles in a cultured but orthodox society, women were asked to sit or stay alone in part of house, specially made for them to use in those days called menstrual huts. It was period when she was not allowed to touch anything and anybody around. She was given this time to rest, with some work possible in that room. She was not allowed to cook, enter the place of prayer. She sat in a dark room, without even having bath. She was provided food in different utensils, which she had to clean and keep in same room.

I felt very humiliated when this happened with me when there was some religious function at my place and I was actually asked to catch a corner of my house. Even I was asked to leave my house and stay at my neighbours place as menstrual was not considered good or say not pure attending the religious event. I remember I cried a lot shouted at my mother to treat me like that, but she had no choice than to follow it.

I had an opportunity to hear Ayurvedic doctor, some year’s back who shared list of things lady should follow during her menstrual.

Ayurveda explains some of the old methods followed were not insane or unscientific.

First and most important ayurveda looks at menstruations a purification process for women like detox process. It’s only the natural advantage that women have.

While not all period facts and myths can be explained, in general the rules in menstruation are meant to help you lead happier and healthier life at this time of month.

• Physical exertion-Do not exercise too much, we live in age where we want to prove that our energy and capabilities are just as good as man. Sanitary napkins advertisements encourage you to jump, exercise and play all sports especially in these days celebrating the spirit of womanhood.

Fact: During period you lose lot of blood and are physically weak and less active mentally. Loss of blood leads to release of heat in your body. Exercising and leading active life at this time requires more blood circulation and leads to generation of heat, which is counterproductive. It is suggested to take rest to get rid of cramps and discomforts. Mild exercise is appreciated which will help you reduce cramps. Listen to your body needs.

• Hygiene- Ayurveda does not suggest head bath and cleaning yourself with cold water during this time, but of course suggests to follow hygiene. Make sure you bath from head to toe on fourth day. This doesn’t mean you are dirty because of menstruation, actually the idea behind has to do more with body heat.

Fact: First three days body is more into releasing heat while the discharging the blood. Having head bath or cleaning yourself with cold water during menstruation may interfere with the natural detox process. Head bath on fourth day culminates the cooling process that body began when you start menstruating.

• Diet: You avoid pickle, spicy food and go for more of plain, and simple food which is easy to digest. It is suggested to eat freshly cooked, warm food as well as follow the time of having it.

Fact: Women experience decreased appetite and eat lesser these days, as their internal digesting fire is low at this time. Menstruation is sometimes characterised by symptoms like heaviness, constipation or diarrhea, hence easy and digestible food is suggested. Further you need to understand your body type and have food accordingly. What is your body type, vata, kafha or pitha.

• Sleep: It was suggested to sleep on thin mats and not on fluffy comfortable mattress. It is also suggested to avoid sleeping during day and sleep early before 10 a.m.
Facts: Getting adequate rest, and sleeping as well as waking up regularly at same time, helps rejunuvate , nourish the agni and restore the strength. Talking about the sleeping on mats helps in ease on back and lower limbs, which are affected during menstruation.

These practices are believed to prevent hormonal disorders and symptoms of menopause and help manage pre menstrual stress, all of which are highly prevalent for women’s body today. It also enables the birth of healthy child.

Many other things like not attending religious function etc was followed may be for the reason to take more rest as such functions are exhaustingAlso earlier the temples were far on the hill tops and one has to travel thru dense forests,there were wild animals who could easily smell women during menstruation, that was the reason she wasn't allowed to go to temples.

I do not see logic of using same utensils and keeping it away from others, may be hygiene or washing it would keep you busy for some time.

Currently I am living in a nuclear family, where I need rest especially in those days. I am fortunate, that I get a helping hand from my husband in these days in routine activities, taking care of my child, cooking and even cleaning the house, laundry etc. I get special attention, ready tea to ease my cramps and calm sleep, but not all of us are that lucky to have someone around us to take care. In such situation the system of menstrual huts sounds soothening to me. It is impossible for working women take leave and rest every month for four to five days. In such case what she can do is just to follow the routine of her food and sleep and stick to it.

None of us will condone or ignore any practice that harms women by compelling them into menstrual huts and solitary cramps. On the other hand if the practice encourages, energize and relax women to take better care of their health. I am all for it.

Vadhu pariksha

While the world is still battling against corona, some trying to invent the vaccine, mothers and children collective struggling with online studies, some populations busy working from home, she feels frustrated and pressured by parents, society, and relatives. Along with work at home she is also struggling to make her parents understand about her inability to find the right guy. Lock down seems had made no difference in society pressures for getting married.

Remembering my part of struggle I console her, saying right guy will come across only when you meet wrong ones first.Picture abhi baki hain doston... Happz endingzz :)
She is around 30 and her parents think it's high time, and she should opt to get married without finding flaws in next guy who they would approach. In all this one of the impossible things is to get off the nagging relatives. Marriage is inseparable part of our society, we attend wedding, want to see others getting married and inspire our kids to get married. Thou I believe the theory that pairs are made somewhere in heaven, I wonder how much chaos we do for it by hitting on wrong alliances torturing oneself.

With this increasing social empowerment of women I don't know how relevant all the systems of getting married is. I wonder how girls today perceive marriage as, and what's the idea of good marriage for them.
In India, we have strange reasons to get hitched. While I discussed with my friends on this remembering our struggling days for getting married we came up new concepts of why one should marry?

Sab karte hian beta.
How will you survive alone you need a partner
See your best friend got married has kids also.
Daughters can't always stay with parents. Paraya dhan concept!
You are born to nurture next generation
Young brides look prettier than older ones

Above this was the vadhu pariksha, girl draped in a beautiful saree with pallu covering her head, is asked to sit in front of the alliance and his family and answer their questions. For those who haven't faced this may find it annoying but that's the way it happens.

Classic questions shared by some of my friends

Can you stitch? the girl holds master’s degree in mathematics.
Could you show your hand and feet, just walk along? She was a doctor.
What will you cook if their no food left and some guest arrives. She was MBA.
What is to be applied first haldi or kumkum. She was science graduate.
What was Shivaji Maharaj's full name? She was in her graduation last year.

Thou at times I agree marriages should be done in right age, so you have kids in time, and they grow up by the time you get old. But what if someone is so practical of thinking of having no kids. Thought process has changed women doesn't want to give birth and I don't find any flaws in this too. It's individual life and the way want to live life. Basically In India even today girls live the life their parents, elders choose for them. We as women are given all rights equal to men like right to study right to career but at some point we fall apart, and we fall so low, in these men dominated society. While I console my cousin to get married as her parents wish her to, I also encourage het to express and not to compromise due to society pressures. Making statements like you have darker skin, you are too healthy, too skinny have nothing to do with getting a right life partner. Such comments should be ignored. When we toss anything in air it goes upside down before it falls in right place, whenever you feel life is going upside down be rest assured that you are falling in right place. Do not get disheartened by the pressures and the changed role your parents play.
It is so much of the formality that I have seen love marriages following same procedure of vadhu pariksha and even live in couples had to go through the same. Does that make sense. To add on my part I was asked to remove my pics wearing a turban for cultural event from FB,also my Two degrees for which I studied hard thru out the year were removed from my bio data...Nagging relatives....and stressed father. Education also acted as an hindrance and I actually did not appear for CS exam. No sympathies I did it for I agreed with my parents thoughts that time. Marriage was important.
Rather than adjusting or compromising on alliance take time to find the right person in your life. There is no solution to that being vocal about it, share your views with your parents, it going to be difficult for them to understand, but they will.

Many girls must be going through this lockdown pressure but please do not run away that the fact of life face it, every girl goes through this in different way, you choose your way. Thou I have shared girls experiences here boys also go through similar but different pressure. Lockdown must have caught them too to live with the pressures of getting hitched.

Breath in breathe out.... Speak out and share.

To add upon... Kisi cheez ko agar sache dil se chaho toh puri kayanat usay tumse milane mian jut jati hain.... So think of the best.

SAHD stay at home dad

Stay at home moms is something we all know, but stay at home dads is someone you must have heard of, or may have someone around you.

It's the biggest career moves one can make. Men are always looked upon as a masculine power who has to work hard and earn for the family.

This blog I am writing specially for those dads who have turned moms who have taken all the responsibilities of the motherhood. While, we are celebrating the Mother's Day we should also ensure that we celebrate those dads who have done all the part of mothers in their absence. I have seen many cases where fathers have proved to be good parent than mothers the way they take care of their child is really worth appreciating. These days bringing up of child is not only the responsibility of mother but it is equally balanced by the father. In some cases where fathers have come forward and understood the responsibility of the working mothers. Where they accept the challenge of staying at home or working from home this is probably seen in those cases mothers job is more challenging and demands more attention. Whereas in some cases it is more of just an empathy towards mothers. While we say that mothers are not leaving any stone unturned with respect to their demands of job and career, they are giving a tough to men,on the other hand men are also balancing the same by taking care of kids sharing the burden of parenthood just by being a stay-at-home dad.

We say that dads and mum collectively bring up the children, their way of teaching the child is different. When they both are involved in physical activities with child dad tries to make the child stronger than mothers tries to make the child more sensitive. Mothers and fathers parents children differently but that is the greatest benefit the child can have.

SAHD's are not homemakers but that is the choice they have made. They encourage the woman to give her hundred percent in her career and stay more oriented and focused on her responsibilities in office. Today handing over your baby to a Nanny is of a great risk and considering the increasing crime in case of children, having your better half at home to take care of your child is the biggest asset a woman can have.

Today's Lifestyle demands both the parents to be working or say earning, in such cases I would like to share an example of one of my colleagues who was working in a day shift and his wife was working in night shift it was quite easy for them to handle the child in the absence of other parent. And the child was happy to get the complete attention of each parent when around.

It's not easy to be a SAHD because society around has a different view of looking towards him, people may think that there is a lack of motivation, or he is in a job search. Our society till date fails to handle the fact that women are equally out in the market to earn like men and men can also choose to stay at home and manage single-handedly given an opportunity.

Maternity is the biggest phase of women's life when she decides to give up on her career or to continue with the same giving up on her child upbringing. I believe SAHD have given the best gift they can give to their women by staying at home and taking care of the child leaving the mother to explore the opportunities rather than leaving her at home for the Postpartum depression.

SAHD does all every mother do for the child like taking the child to the park, having a play date,cooking for the child, taking care of the child, regular medical visits vaccines and check ups, dressing up the child to the best, attending the B-Day parties,school responsibilities of the child,attending the PTM's,eating habits basically all the responsibility that a mother does when she is at home. He does all the house chores the market,purchasing veggies and grocery managing the maids their duties and their salaries everything becomes a part of his life.

To understand it better it is more like the movie ki and ka where a man takes care of the entire house home maker and woman is one bread earner.

Where we are celebrating the Mother's Day for all his duties that a mother do we should not forget this stay at home dads who are the best mum today.

Movies are the reflection of society we live in. Where some years back we always herd mother oriented songs in movies... Like tu kitni achhi hian... Maa meri maa.In recent years we have movies like Akele him akele tum...oh I love you daddy and....... sabse acha kaun hian papa mere papa.

So this mothers day do not forget to remember and cheer up for those dads who have chosen to stay back and be SAHD.... stay at home dad

Feminist father

What was your take away from the movie ’Tappad’ the unnoticed domestic violence a lady faces in her so called happy family. Could you relate to yourself somewhere, or thought that you really understood her feelings?

Well I noticed how her dad, who supported her in the entire struggle. It was heart warming to see the father supporting his daughter than making her understand how simple it was if her husband hurt her or slapped her. Some things are just to be ignored, isn’t it? That is what we are taught. The best dialogue that won my heart was “hum log to strong log hain na beta’here him is father and his daughter. The dialogue describes the strong relationship.

Even today it’s not easy to be feminist father in the society. Fathers are always directed to keep daughters in control. We are still in society wherein daughters are looked upon as a property and father or brothers are safeguarding it till they are handed over to other family.

The feminist father is one who encourages their kids to learn more than studies and make them understand that there is no substitute to hard work. There are no prices to be paid and no apologies to be made to achieve success.

In tappad where she was into arrange marriage, and had somewhere found household responsibilities more important than her dreams. Thou, she settled on her role limited to house core activities, like many of us have ,did you note that she has the talent within her which she polished every day. Classical dance that she taught to her neighbours daughter. She on the threshold of motherhood, when woke up to violence by her husband,a slap. Her explanation to a lawyer it’s just a thappad is worth understanding than watching.

I am associated with many women groups in person or online, wherein I found strange reaction by women relating to movies subject. Some women bluntly and blindly said it was over exaggerated, it was just a slap. This ‘just a slap’ is justified in the movie.

My father gave me all the comforts he gave to my brother. The best gift he gave me was my name that doesn’t identify my gender. I was and I am no where less than a son to him. He never stopped me from wearing any type of clothes like sleeveless, in fact he was one who bought me my first jeans and my first sleeveless. My father is traditional but not conservative.Today the way he treats my sister in law and supports her as and when needed, proves him to be feminist father.

I studied in coeducation school, system where girls and boys study together. This was first step to equality.we never discussed this, we had friends as everybody around had.

It’s not easy to have feminist dad even today. Remember the movie Bareily ki barfi where dad easily accepts his daughter who smokes, is not virgin, earns and wants to marry someone who would accept her the way she is. The way her father consoles her when a boy rejects her is appreciable. One more unforgettable dad, from a movie ‘PIKU’. Who is so proud of her daughter who is independent and smart enough to take care of herself. Even is upfront when he shares his daughter is not virgin. The bonding shown is the worth. The point is accepting your daughter like your son, equally.

Today urban fathers are more vocal and letting their daughter make a choice and educate themselves. They refuse to take the local social criticism. Fathers are the first hero to kids; they want to be like him. Girls they look forward for their father’s image in their husband. Best part about feminist fathers is they not only treat their daughters well, but also ensure they do not leave any stone unturned to make their sons understand about equality.

If you want to be one, you should teach your son do household activities like cleaning utensils and daughters to fix the bulb at times. Teaching children division of labour is unrealistic idea. Balanced individual needs exposure to all duties at early age, rather than sticking to their gender.
Being feminism is an ideology and is not limited for daughters only, one has to be generous to wife's, sister's and every women round. The role is justified in movie tappad where at the end Neeta Gupta is handed over her harmonium reflects her husband's ideology wherein unknowingly she gave it away for family well-being.

Every molester or rapist was once a small child, this is exactly where the fathers can step in to seek a chance to be feminist father. Here is the important role of good parenting, where you need to teach your kids about gender equality.

I always branded myself as father’s daughter and today I am proud to say I grew up to understand and respect equality, feminism and humanism just because of my father.

Lockdown expectations

The lockdown begins….thrilling its first time I am experiencing something like this. Everyone had 21 days to do whatever they wish to. Some people were relaxed whereas some were worried about their bread and butter. Some had the opportunity to work from home and some didn’t even know what to do for the next 21 days. Some people were smart enough to plan and some even dint know how to plan. Further lockdown extended to the next fifteen days and further to the next fifteen.

Women got more into the kitchen in experimenting mode. Men who were working for endless hours also tried their luck cooking and helping to enrich their family experiences. Doctors, medical staff, police, and other forces had long duty hours now. Everybody had their own challenges and their own struggles.

Out of all this was the pressure created by news, messages, and expectations. Must have heard of a couple challenges, Saree challenge, mother-son challenge…the last line of this challenge ends with if you are my friend. Oh god, so I need to prove my friendship by displaying the pic and sharing it with other names in my contacts list. Then came the recipes flood, everyone tried to bake cakes and bread followed by the lockdown famous dalgona coffee. There were no birthday parties but celebrations will last forever in memory as it had that homemade special cake.

Next was the weight gain pressure, all were sure to gain weight as it was all about eating yummy dishes at home. Very few people actually worked out, while others kept thinking they will do it someday. Some even controlled there taste buds to control weight gain. We are going to have two sizes out, one who literally hogged to all types of food all the time, obese ones, and others especially the ladies who had a load of work and definitely will have weight loss. Results to be out soon.

One of the most stressful stresses was thinking about growing your family from two to three, the conceiving part. This is all in all a private decision of the couple, but in our country, it’s a family decision or says family pressure. As two individuals tie a knot the society is behind them to be three ASAP. Many couples are currently under this pressure in the lockdown period. Basically, these days all couples work, they have their own routines, corporate pressures, and office schedules. They get very little time for each other and actually have to plan holidays to spend time. Lockdown has given them the opportunity to stay together and thus society, elders in the family are of opinion that they should think about their families, which has created different stress on them. The fact is it would not be the right time to conceive with so much anxiety and medical emergency around with no solution yet. It is medically suggested that conceiving in such critical condition may be further problematic.
The only exercise most people get is jumping to conclusions, running down their friends, sidestepping responsibility, and pushing their luck....

Children are trying to cope with online studies and believe that definitely a challenge for them. They are dealing with different stress.

Please understand lockdown is not a holiday like any other Sundays sitting at home and enjoying. It is the best time to show that you care, but the worst time to expect. Not everyone can revert to your challenge in a few minutes and judging them on such parameters would be wrong. We all are dealing with panic and anxiety.

Many individuals are working under extra pressure in current circumstances; this has lead to professional prospects that are stress full due to economic uncertainty. They probably may get fired due to nonperformance and for sure will affect the appraisals this year. So you have to perform but not expect a good hike. Please do not have unreal expectations from your friends, colleagues, and loved ones. It is time to respect each other’s privacy, stress and support them in difficult demanding times.

Children and cyber safety

Hello friends, by now everybody must have got some schedules designed after experimenting for a month. Thirty days, in fact now more than thirty days is little too much time under one roof. Isn’t it? But did we realise that we/children are spending lot of time online than ever. Internet usage is up by 50% throughout the world.

We need to look at consequences of children been stuck to laptops, and phones just to stay connected, or learn or say entertain themselves. Please note they are at increasing risk. We are somewhere opening their roads to online harassment even sexual abuse.

Ultimately what we can conclude is this corona virus has created perfect situation for the online predators, crimes. Especially for children who are lonely and confused and unattended. How can we keep them safe as their life’s have shrinked to these small screens?

1. Open communication: Work on rules how long they can be online, while encourage their daily activities, try and find out who they are been engaged or busy with online. Also try some activities I mean practical’s to keep them away from screens. Ensure they move from their place and remain physically active. Help children express, by asking them questions about their feelings.

2. Try and keep children away from gadgets, bit difficult these days so we can schedule a no screen time. Discuss good hygiene practices. Make it more practical in day to day life practices. Telling stories, pretending or drawing can be some ways of making child comfortable and make them feel safe. Try and do house chores collectively and safely.

3. Use protection tools: Check the device your child uses has latest software and antivirus updated. See that the privacy settings are on. Use of webcams should be limited or just closed or covered when not in use. Establish rules for use of internet. Parental controls can minimize the risk for younger ones

4. If you have younger children see that you have safe search on Google, set up parental control. Increased online exposure has heightened risks for child safety. Discuss internet with children, to make them understand it in better way, what the appropriate behaviour looks like on such platforms like video chats.

5. Protect privacy: Watch what information your child is disclosing, especially the personal information. Teach your children to maintain privacy from strangers no matter how good and real they seem. See who are they connecting to? Of course watch on their online friends list.

6. Your child never needs to share his photograph, full name or other details online while they use any online learning resources. Use reliable resources for online games or studies. Be in touch with online children education facility .Parents groups or community groups can be a good idea to know about the Childs learning and support each other.

7. Observe your children for distress signs, such as becoming withdrawn, being secretive, depressed or just upset. Changes in their behaviour can be the signs or results of their online activities.

8. Be familiar with safeguarding or bullying policies-Harassment policies have the respective contacts or hotlines in emergency like in case of inappropriate content. Bullying or harassment at young age can be big hindrance in growth of the child. It can effect to the extent of spoiling the life of the child.

9. While we are trying to keep them active physically by exercise, also ensure they do some eye exercise to maintain health of eyes.

If we look around every child is fascinated with the gadgets, which has direct effect on their thought process and eyes. Due to lockdown now schools have taken up online studies and are teaching children doing advanced activities online .So officially we are forced with the online education system to handover the laptops or mobiles to children.
Finally how can I forget Tiktok....no words public is so crazy for this app. While it's made for fun,it has become everyday job for many. Moreover children are exposed to the world for entertainment.

Educating them online, no wonder if not paid attention the generation can be most hurt generation in all sense due to loss of time and sources during lockdown and its consequence for entire year.
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Princess for the rescue

Cartoons have been unseparated parts of our childhood memories . I was big fan of Tales spin, Duck tales and Jungle Book. Me and my siblings never missed those on sundays because they came on Sundays only on doordarshan , and we had nothing called cable those days. So Sunday was funday and holiday.

We have variety of cartoon channels today. We can watch as and when we want. I still watch cartoons with my daughter, but miss those of my childhoodones. Today's cartoons do not interest me much, but I watch them to check the content so that I give my daughter exposure to appropriate things and language.

My daughter watches two cartoons, her favorite ones. One of them is Masha and the bear. The story revolves around a girl Masha, naughty, mischievous and one who wants to know and learn everything. Her fun out of her adventures,stories topics and understanding helps me understand what these brains think or fantasies about. I closely relate her to my daughter.

One day my cute little princess was struggling to tie robe around her neck and jump saying "Masha for the rescue". I asked her what is that, don’t jump you will get hurt. She said, Mom I am super women, I am on duty to rescue. I was bit surprised at her words. Do you want to be saved? Saved from what?i asked 'Anything mumma, I will come to rescue you. When dad is not around, you need not worry I am here to rescue you"

Masha a little girl who wants to be superwomen and the idea is helping someone, rather say saving someone from trouble, rescue anybody who needs help.Struggling for an opportunity, finally at the end of the day manages to rescue her friend bear. By the way 'rescue' is my daughters newly learned word so it has to be used at comfort.
My daughter is four years old trying to understand the world through cartoon characters. I am happy stories are changing from a delicate princess waiting for her knight in shining armor to save her to a brave girl who can help herself. She is ready to roll her sleeve and rescue anyone who needs help.Here she feels she is as strong as her dad rather more than him, as she talking times gives him. Offer to be saved.
I guess our roles are changing and I am happy they are changing at such young age. With this thought process of hers she made me realise how I am growing up my little princess.

The Best part is she doesn’t see her ever at that place where one needs help.I hope we all make our daughters that strong and capable physically and mentally as well. We need to make them independent, economically independent, mentally independent.
I don't know what would take them to be wonderwomen,a superwomen but yes we can definitely try and make them capable and independent of their thoughts and values.

Time to pull up your socks

Guys, we are around the corner hardly a day away from the lockdown to be called off. There is a possibility that we will be allowed to move out for some time. Of course, the red zones will remain closed. So ones in green and orange zones get ready to go back to routines.
Everybody is eager to go out, move around. while you are getting ready and you look at the mirror with looks without salon visits, let's call it the raw look. You will feel more anxious. its ok hold yourself, don't be your critic. It was time that permitted us fewer options for workout and more opportunities to serve our taste buds. So what if it has added some kilos to you to look more healthy. Do not worry for these cushions will fade in a couple of workouts. You have played this winning at best and survived with good results.
Ladies, it starts with what to wear. We all have been in the house cooking and eating all time without workout like no one is watching. So I guess there are going to be trials of dresses, we are going to take longer to get ready.
Before you feel afraid of the critics outside, think that you were fortunate enough to be at your own place, in your house with your loved once. The lazy look in your most comfortable wears is done and you need to be presentable now.
The first outing on your list is going to your salon and spa, so relax do pamper yourself. Do not be hard on your body, for the increased waist length. Start with your regular exercise, workout and you will be back. Do not body shame yourself
We have been through tough times and all we need is positivity and empathy. While we expect it from others why not have it for ourselves. Others may not approve our raw looks, but the fact is, in all these crucial days what we have earned is some self-love.

Main meri favorite Hunn.... Aur aap??