Alexander and Porous

I was almost on clouds, like every girl is when she is about to be a bride. While I was ending my spinsterhood my new life was peeping in all newzz. New city, new relations and a new role. Everything was getting converted legally IN LAW….every relation now had that as suffix. Daughter-in-law, Sister-in-law etc. I was legally doing shopping now and no one was stopping me. I had so many thoughts about what I will wear and how I will present myself, prepare myself for new phase of my life.

I met my in laws when they had been to my place. A car stopped at our gate, while we directed to park it inside the compound, a  seventy year old royal personality got down from the car. He was in blue formals with no cresses on it and black shining shoes. His white hairs shined with the glow of his life’s  experience . He walked with pride followed by my Mother in law and his son. He had those sharp moustache turned upwards called Handle bar Moustache. Retired from a Bank he had that slow and steady but prompt ascent and choice of words while he spoke. During the very first interaction he asked me many questions but one I remember was do you cook non-veg or are only fond of eating? Followed by a sweet and mischievous smile. His love for non veg easily reflected from his question. He was very polite and used more of English language while he spoke, being more expressive and comfortable  in English.

While they were about to leave he got shoe hand from his car door cavity. It reflected their hygiene importance in life which normally gets ignored by that age. I really admired them for it.

I was shopping I was in discussion with my mother in law for choice of colours or their preference. Thou I was keen on my choices I was trying to understand their preference and culture as well. While  I was very much in discussion with my mother in law, I hardly spoke to my father in law. One day he grabbed the phone and asked me why did I did not talk to him often as I did with my Mother in law.

I had no answer for it, but I just explained it that I was discussing about shopping and she was the better one to answer those queries. Getting an opportunity to talk , I asked him, what should I call you? 

He Said, Have you heard of Alexander and Porus? I replied positively. He further added when Alexander had caught Porus, he asked Porus how I treat you. To which Porus replied “Treat me as a king would treat with another King”

So treat me as you treat your father, what do you call him? I answered Papa. He further added so you can call me ‘Papa’.

I found a father in Father in law while I stood in the selecting a Sari for my grand occasion.

My first interaction with him as a daughter in law was very memorable .what was yours?

My kitchen turned 🌈 rainbow

 

While lock down has tested everyone’s patience I am not different. My four year old and 35 year old kid both have joined to test my patience. It being almost four months my stress level has increased more than ever.

While the routine got disturbed completely in the beginning due to lot of lovey dovey activities and family time together, it impacted directly to my nerves. At times I wish I could beg Cinderella's fairy godmother  to have a  spell turning both of them to silent pumpkins. 

It took me equal time to get these two kids for breakfast, lunch and dinner on table. Minimum five calls was the limit. One day I actually thought I would fall short of voice and end up being Jaya Bhaduri of Koshish.

After almost two months when I gave up on cooking, utensils and mopping Finally Annapurna Goddess blessed my 35 year old to cook. Such things happen once in full moon and hence it is never the daily Dal Chawal menu, it turns out to be Chinese or something exclusive with many sauces and flavours. While he kept asking for every ingredient the moment I sat in the chair in drawing room. I preferred the list of things so that I can give at once, to which he smartly replied was no you don’t worry, I will find out you relax.

Musical banging and stirring could be heard along with utensils jumping from the kitchens slab. Before I could smell some burning the exhaust started covering the music and burning smell.

My four year old foal jumping all over feeling happy of something new happening around gave me the live commentary. She ran with messages from drawing room to kitchen and vice versa.

While relaxing I was giving him tips and alternate option for any ingredient. Finally after Two hours he came out with a fork with a testing food on it ,which was directly inserted in my throat. It tasted comparatively good as it was his first try.

I woke up to my dream when I actually saw my kitchen…seems it was something like a earthquake or like someone has just run over it or what my eyes couldn’t believe what was that.

I could easily count now how many pans, pots, spoons and dishes I have in my kitchen.....once I do my utensils. 

My black slab of the kitchen has turned into rainbow; turmeric had jumped on the chilli powder along with some corn flour sprayed on all the utensils around along with the handle of the fridge. The green coriander was decorated on the white wall and white marble has all spray drops like rain of all the tadkas he gave….wow that’s the day off from cooking.

 

Disclaimer: The blog is based on imagination and do not resemble to any person around you in your house. The person portrayed in the blog may seem like your husband but that’s a mere coincidence.  

Increasing Domestic Violence

The domestic violence act is made for the effective protection of the rights of women from any kind of violence. We have heard that domestic violence has increased like never before during the lockdown, what does that mean?

If you think you are not treated the way you should be resulting in physical or mental hurt, stress, or violence, it may be domestic violence. DV is a serious threat to women by husband, family members, or in-laws. It is not only heated arguments but physical torture, emotional, or even economic abuse.

Many times women do not even understand what is domestic violence and remain in the cycle of violence. She stays in abusive relationships because of society or family pressures. Remember the movie Thappad? Not only Tapsee Pannu’s character but also her maids’ character gives you a clear idea of self-esteem and domestic violence. Having self-esteem is very important for one to live a normal life.

Domestic violence is the best tool to fight against violence, gives power to women, thou there are some opportunistic women in society who try to abuse the legal system by misusing it. So it’s always a tool used in divorce cases. If you see carefully in the movie Thappad she never mentioned she was abused by domestic violence but was just against the slap she got form her husband, that’s self-esteem. 

Woman exposed to  DV goes thru a lot of guilt, confusion, self-blame, and shame as they love their partners. A lot of them feel hopeless, stuck, and helpless in such situations. But speaking about it is the only way out. Women think there is no way out of DV, but staying in abusive relationships may put her life at risk. It may extend to your family also, like Children always suffer due to violence and abusive relationships.

At times you feel abused in a loving relationship, but it is not clear if it really can be termed abuse. Actually in such cases the abuser, the husband also doesn’t understand he is doing wrong or even violating the women’s rights. The following points may help you identify and correct your abusive behavior. 

How to identify the red flags in your relation, here are some

• If your partner, in-laws, or family members are keeping a watch on you, like where you go, whom you meet, or other activities.

• Demanding your passwords to private emails, phones, etc, expecting you to reply to texts and 

         messages immediately

• Discouraging you to see your friends or parents.

• Discouraging you to go to work.

• Constant accusing you of cheating

• Losing temper every now and then without a factual reason, resulting in panic or abusive language.

• Controlling how you spend your money, medicines

• Demeaning you, controlling your personal activities like what to wear, etc, which, is normally decided by an individual? 

• Physically harming or threatening you, humiliating in front of others

• Destroying your property you care about

• Beating, shoving, slapping, kicking, or pushing you using any weapon against you.

• Forcing to have sex or intimate activities

• Abetment or forcing to suicide

There is help available, many  NGO’s and various organizations that deal with DV as the main function. I have been associated with one NGO for about two years, they worked for unfortunate women free of cost Legal Aid for DV. It fought for the helpless women who suffered and finally decided to stand for themselves. Domestic violence is seen throughout all societies may be rich or poor. 

They help you by supporting you in providing shelter homes, guidance, and even counseling. Free Legal Aid is also made available to abused women. You can talk to someone who has been trained to help. DV can be taken care of by counseling and talking before it gets into practice and piling up.

The link below can give you a clear idea and help if required.

http://www.facebook.com/safety/domesticviolenceresources

It is very essential to speak out rather than suffering. There always a way out and the world stands out to help you. You will have to take one step for your self to make your life worth living and your kids live a stress-free life.

Loneliness... Call, ping... Message... Just talk

Its not easy fighting everyday with emotions to make it seems better... In this panademic many people are facing a toughest emotion that is "loneliness" "detached from the social circle" and a feeling of " nothing matters anymore" .....

People are suggesting each other to stay positive , but its not easy to follow an advice just because somebody said so....the inner feelings at times are not being identified, it's just feeling unrealistic, unreliable, helpless and just running away with no end. We are so much isolated with our prolems and our thoughts that we complete  ignore the world around.

Coming across so many suicide news this time... I wondered , did they need somebody to talk to? Its just that we are realising this more in pandemic, else it's happening all around. It's just that we realised it more in film industry, bollywood, TV serials, but let us not forget our farmers who committed  suicide.

I had mentioned  in my earlier blog about getting rid of suicidal  thoughts and distract  yourself. 

Refer https://meshirish.blogspot.com/2020/05/when-life-loses-hope-suicide.html

Do u know what they needed at that time when they decided to end everything? Reason is not important, important  is the feeling they got .... loneliness. The fact to ponder upon is that they felt helpless and were sure no one on this earth can help them. 

One of the basic  reasons is the connect we have. The families are not close knit as they were earlier. We are approachable on mobiles and stay connected by various social platforms, still we lack the intensity and warmness in relations. 

A non - judging person who could have smiled and said , let make everything okay for u..! Don't wait for non judging person, don't worry about judging people.. Kuch to log kahenge.. Don't worry.

Everybody around judges you based your actions and acts. It's difficult to open up. In difficult times people do not find  anyone to rely on. 

Through this post I am trying to reach out to many of you...I will be happy to help even one person thru this. You can call up helplines  for suicidal thoughts. You can call or see some doctor, do not distance yourself. 

The suicidal thought may relieve you of something which is not as important as your life leaving you loved ones shattered. Think about everyone around who is waiting for your call, your smile, to hear from you. 

Before taking such harsh step, just look back what has taken you to reach this pedestral. Remember all the pains you or your family has been through  to reach this level.  Your family will never ever think of living without you or you finishing  your own life. 

Human mind is so complex and has so many facets.. it's time people gave mental health as much importance.. often people going through mental health issues like depression, schizophrenia or other disorders are labeled and stigmatized..some times even ostracized. 

I think we just need to start being nice to people..coz we don't know what someone is going through... Today unfortunately we all are in a phase where we are struggling, coping up, striving and some may be crumbling without showing any signs... let's all be a little more tolerant,less judgemental and simply be there for each other.

#mentalhealth

Please talk... Please help each other...! Please give each other a chance to breathe for each other...!! 

I am a phone call away... I promise I won't judge you or keep it with me. You can trust me. 

I am not a certified consultant or expert for any psychological studies but, I voluntarily offer my help to anyone in need of a positive emotional charge. I will try to talk and listen to you if in need for support. 

In case you need

Please stay happy and positive and Remember..this is not the end! 🙏

Ping! Call! Do anything ... But talk..!

Loss of companion...

My Neighbourhood aunty inspired me to write this blog. She is almost in her seventies, all alone. Uncle expired last year resulting her to stay alone. She had three daughters all married. 

She recently shifted near my place. Aunty was bit reserved earlier. She used to take tuitions for kids. Sudden announcement of lockdown stopped her tuitions and simultaneously blocked her mode of getting busy. More than money I guess it was her tool of spending her day. One day while I was cleaning the veranda, she also happened to open the door. I smiled and that is where conversations started.

I helped her with a self help book and started talking to her assisting her as and when needed. But I guess that was not enough. I wished I could do something more for her.

Finally the catch was she was suffering because of the loneliness. She kept thinking and that was hurting her. She was unable to sleep. After discussion with her, I happened to talk to of my husband’s uncle, whose wife –Aunty expired a year back. He was also alone but he was managing. He was also facing challenges living alone in his house.

Losing a spouse can be devasting whether the death is sudden or as result of prolonged illness. Between intense emotions, lifestyle changes and many practical considerations that accompany the death of spouse, one feels anxious and over whelmed about future.

It’s difficult to live without a partner with whom you have spend some years of your life to the extent of getting used to each other. It’s like a habit. You never know how death would come? Facing sudden change in life is very difficult  and painful. It can be overcomed by doing some things for your own self as follows-

Go easy on yourself: There is no right way to feel after your spouse is no more. Various variables contribute to your feelings like how long you both lived happily, about your children’s age and how dependant you are. You may feel heartbroken anxious and shocked. You may feel less fortunate to live without him/her. Your friend and family may not know what to say and how to console, doesn’t mean they do not care. You may want to talk about your spouse but they may avoid doing so to avoid hurting you.

You should have your individual routine: Many times we have collective routines. But your routine should not be hampered by loss of spouse or any others actions. Do not hold back, follow your routine strictly. Keep yourself busy, even resting should be part of your busy routine. Do not overload your or be harsh, just have your time, take rest have peace of mind, from where ever you get it. Have light activities to cheer your mood. Like playing with your grandchildren, just visiting park with them.

Dealing with your interests:  Your partner’s interest may differ from yours. You may or may not have taken up your interests when your spouse  was around.  You should be in touch of your interests. Give some time for your hobbies and ideas. Spend some time alone the ME time. It is seen that partners follow each others lives and dislikes. They actually  forget their  interests. You should have your list of things to do so that you keep yourself occupied. If you like reading, try read more positive books. Self help books in such situation can be good mind exercise. If you were associated with some activities go for it, like painting, gardening.

Practicing Yoga and exercise: Doing exercise and Yoga should be as important as we breathe. Yoga not only helps you keep physically fit but helps you keep your mind calm and healthy. You should have enough sleep, as resting is best tool to good health. Keep a fixed routine of workout; join yoga class or a walking group if needed to mind the routine. Having accompany may push you or encourage you to do activities keep you moving and healthy.

Having healthy diet:  Eating healthy food, having good diet, is very important to stay healthy. Always have fresh and warm food. Ensure you eat fresh vegetables and fruits.  Maintain your food intake rather than drowning in sorrow by excessive drinking or crying, or even thinking. You have no appetite but you will have to keep good diet.

Surround yourself with positive people: Always have good and positive people around you. Try and join a group may be Yoga class, Kitty group, Satsang, anything that interests you. Seek support avoid feeling lonely and depressed. You may likely turn inward, but you will feel better if you seek support, love, care from friend, family even religious committees. At times joining group of people who are grieving may also help. If you had some group you were a part of as a couple, share your feelings there, you may feel better.

Your care takers or doctors can assist you to get similar groups of your age to get associated with. It’s difficult to live without partner, but giving it a try to live healthy will help you have better life than burying yourself in sorrow and making life miserable. 

Remarry :I remember  some years back one old man stayed next to my mummy's place. He must be above 70's. He was staying alone and was quiet disciplined. One fine day it came to our knowledge  that he got remarried. Marrying at that age was the topic of gossip all around. I remember even his daughter we were married and settled  were quiet unhappy  about his marriage. I was too young to understand  but I could make out he did something  very wrong. Today I understand  how important  it was for him to have a companion at that age. I don't find anything  wrong in it. 

Due to pandemic many youngsters  have lost their spouse or partners. It very difficult  to console  them. But ideally they should go ahead and join their work, job, or respective fields than mourning for their deaths. That's the best way to keep themselves busy as life doesn't stop and no one actually can be there for you serving you and sharing  your sorrow throughout your life. 

Life goes on you will have live it. So make the best out of it. I know many people who have lost their spouse but have managed to stay stronger and keep up with good health and routine. So can you cheer up and move ahead.

I would expect the readers to share this with especially those who need it. Just a word of support  means a lot at such Phase of life. 

World through those tiny eyes...

Baba is not going to court for some days and mummy is also relaxed. She sleeps till late, there is no cooking hurry. There is no school. And everybody is at home but in their house. 

I have many friends in school and in my society. Daksha, Shuddhi, and Krishna are my best friends. Mummy says Dakshu and Shuddhi are elder to me, but as I am as tall as Dakshu is. I study in Nursery. I love my teacher but mummy says she is dumb. Maybe, because mummy wants her to speak in English in class, but she Hindi also. Now Krishna has gone to her grandparents. So I Dakshu and Shuddhi play every day.

Mummy did not allow me to go out of the house for one month. One month I played with mummy and baba. We had so much fun. We enjoyed so many new toys. Mummy and papa also played with me. I have so many new games. The treasure hunt is my favorite because I get some surprise gifts at the end of the game. Peppa pig gets gold coin chocolates. I have asked mummy to get me those coins.

I have a big house very very big such that we three can sit in it. I have a cooking set also, I cook for my toys. My dolls love my food, especially omelet. I have two more houses, one is a small house very very small, the tiny dolls stay in it another is a piggy bank. Piggybank doesn’t look like a piggy, it has animals on it. It has a tiger and elephant on it. Now I know tigers are stripped and leopard spots on it. I take all my dolls to play with me, I teach them. I am their teacher.

No one is coming out big virus corona has come. People feel ill if it catches them. My papa is a secretary and he works with Ganesh's uncle and his friends. They keep on telling everybody to avoid going out. But no one listens; I listen to my mom and dad. My society residents are going crazy to go out. Every day papa explains one person why we should not go out. 

Papa wears a mask every day, he got one mask for me also. When I wear masks no one recognizes me. I love my new mask. I have two colorful scarfs also. I have a small scarf for my baby doll also.

Mummy says it’s important to wash everything you buy from the market. She has asked me to wash hands frequently. I love my new hand wash, instead of washing hands I love making bubbles. Papa got me a new tiny hand sanitizer. He says using it will kill all bacteria and germs on my hand. I brush my teeth every day; papa says brushing regularly will kill the germs in my mouth. I brush twice a day; mummy says if I don’t brush twice my teeth would turn brown and black like one of my friends Manav. He has brown teeth. I have white teeth.

Mummy keeps running from one room to another, she says she is exercising. Baba also does exercise but we do it in one room. I also have dumbbells like baba. His dumbbells are very heavy. Mine is also heavy but I am very strong to pick them up. 

Nowadays papa helps Mumma a lot in her work, they are best friends like me and Daksha.Our kamwali aaji us not coming due to Corona. 

I and Dakshu love to dance. We have divided the song between both of us. We loved dancing in the rain also. We danced in the rain yesterday. I enjoyed dancing in rain but as the result of I had to drink yellow milk, mummy says turmeric is good for health. I will not get a cough and cold.

We have tied a bag with a long string in our balcony so that we don’t go out. Milkman puts milk packet in that bag and I love pulling it up. Today Ganesh uncle gave me chocolate in that bag.

Baba has grown a big beard. Mummy says it looks nice. Grandma doesn’t like it much. I also do not like. There is no place for me to kiss on his cheeks. I kiss his forehead for a good night.

Mummy and Papa keep doing some work on a laptop and they tell me they are studying. Its holidays but mummy makes me study every day. I miss my school but mummy says it is going to take time to reopen schools. They watch news early morning and become every serious. Then I put on my cartoon show. I love Masha and the Bear, Peppa pig, Fukrey kids, Ninja Hatori, and Puppy pals.

It is fun to be at home but I miss going to the garden . I miss all my friends from school. We do not to watch movies on the big screens now. I want to go out, but Mummy Papa also does not go out at all. So I need to be a good girl and stay at home. 

Grandparents are not babysitters

Grandparents, two elderly people in our family. Children are very fond of them; they are almost like good friends who enjoy playing with each other. The common thing is both are at the stage of enjoying their life. Grandparent support, guide and assist in raising children. My phone call with my in laws longs for more than an hour every day and ends with number of suggestions and advices for my kid by them. Today as both parents are working it becomes duty of grandparents to take care of children. Children love it when their grandparents pick them up from schools and classes. My daughter enjoys sharing each and every thing with her grandfather on phone call.

But, it cannot be their duty to take care of your children, they are not babysitters. They have done their part of parenting and so should we. Basically due to joint family system we tend to think that grandparents are supposed to take care of children when parents go to office. This thought process is just because we live together in one house. There is very clear order passed by Pune court against a maintenance plea by a lady saying’ its duty of parents and not the grandparents to take care of the children. They should not be burdened to babysit grandchildren by compromising their relaxation, entertainment and travel plans.

Almost 40% of ladies are unhappy if not getting support from their in laws in taking care of kids. They hold in laws responsible for putting children in crèche. Do they not have the right to enjoy their freedom in their own way? The fact is unknowingly we take them for granted. We should always have a system of asking before handing over the Child responsibility to them, ultimately they end up starting from scratch OF PARENTING.

Coming back to joint family, we actually expect them to skip their relaxation time, or Satsang time and run behind your little one, feed him till you reach home. You at times take liberty to send the last mail and reach home late, but they cannot have their own right to spend their time as they want.

Secondly grandparents may have different parenting approach and not all parents may be comfortable with it. Simple thing like afternoon nap to which you are not comfortable as the child may take long to sleep at night, but the oldies need an afternoon rest and may expect the child to have a nap.

We women want both the world our financial freedom and the family time and expect children to be bought up our way. You will definitely go through awkward situation in such case. Sometimes we are quite due to obligations, but at some point that may erupt in wrong way. Similarly, they may adjust for some time but later it may come up in different way of unpleasant experience.

A very thoughtful decision I took once I gave birth to my baby, I realized she is my husband and my prime the responsibility, hence I gave up my job to make peace with mother and carrier oriented girl in me. I was, and I am able to bring her up in my own way. Also, this avoided the unpleasant situation in me and my in laws. Leaving the job somewhere I felt like I lost my so-called independence in form of earnings, but with help my husband we both achieved happiness and peace of mind which I valued more over money!

During all this I realized grandparents need their own time personal space and would always love to live the way they want, like the way we want at this age. Growing older is not taking care of grandchildren. As a parent they must have sacrificed as we do for our kids, so why do they have keep doing same at this age of life.

You’re in laws may definitely adore your children more than you, but that doesn’t mean they would love to change diapers and feed them now and then. It’s primarily your duty and result of your decision. So take the decision of having a child only when you are ready to take the diaper changing responsibility.

Do not keep sulking about not getting their support, take charge of your parenthood. Believe me you will be a happier and peaceful Parent nurturing your child.

Oldies in our house are together for few more years. Yes that’s the fact, and they need to share some pleasant and lovely moments with each other. They may also have some memories to remember, some dreams yet to accomplish. They also had struggled life of their part and want to be at peace. Life is different now; we live in nuclear families, enjoy weekends, have parties, and live on our conditions. The generation whom we call grandparents lived in joint family, had more of social responsibilities. They had weekend but not like us to enjoy and party. Remember what your parents did on weekends. They are at phase where any one of them may leave another forever. They are more of friends now than husband and wife.

Let them live their way have peace and enjoy the retirement just sitting in the chair looking calmly at each other. 

Our new normal..

Change is the only a constant thing in our life. We change, adjust with the culture and as per surroundings we live in. Our food habits, our clothes, depends on the climatic condition, we wear Woolen in winter and cotton in summer. Circumstances change us as a human; we adapt the new lifestyle by accepting the change and doing necessary changes in our day-to-day habits. Human is also one of the animals on earth. We call ourselves developed, or advanced as we not only change but also adopt new things in life. 

As we all know shortly we all will be free to move around after two months or more. I am thinking about something beyond today and tomorrow. It is for sure that this pandemic will try our patience throughout the year. Let us understand this better and make life easier. New change in day to day life awaits us, for acceptance and following it with urge to overcome the hurdles of illness and pain and deaths around us. 

Daily activities may start like earlier but in some different way. Schools, college will function but from home that is Online studies. Corporate will function from home. There would be lesser traffic on road compared to the one before two months. 

But there is big list of things we will have to add in our daily routine and include in our day-to-day habits. 

We have heard a story Gulliver and Lilliput, remember the small tiny people Lilliput’s and the big huge Gulliver. I could not find anything better to compare or suggest for our future. Lockdown is called off in green zones but orange and red is going to take time, how much no one knows. Things are getting worse day by day, because of humans' negligence and misuse of freedom and opportunities given. Yes even now, I mean those big lines to buy liquor. Anyways this is not our today’s topic. Our topic is life is going to change from Gulliver to Lilliput.

Human has misused everything to extend from Gulliver to Lilliput. A grand big party for a one-year-old kid’s birthday is going to be like a real birthday now. Grand wedding celebrations inviting around a thousand people and a hundred variety of food are going to limit to maybe fifty with lesser food wastage. Weekend parties, visit to malls and movies, etc is going to be replaced by family lunch. It will be a totally different life, changed life that we will actually live. Holidays will be holidays and no more limited to shopping and Mall visits as Malls will be closed. If you meet any of your friends, you won't get the handshake or hug; it will be waving of hands, just a hi. We will have to see that we completely avoid it and join Indian culture by joining hands together saying ‘Namaste’.

While traveling, you will have companions, but no one will share your seat, or peep in your phone. You will be provided marks everywhere to stand on and be seated in metros and buses like we were given when we were in kinder garden, told by our teachers to stand on the mark.

It will be difficult to identify your friends as their face would be covered with masks. You may at times feel like attending the P. T class in school where you were asked to keep one hand gap in two people. Every entry and exit will be providing you hand sanitizers and sprays.

Welcome the new life with changes, but ensure you follow the 'MUST' things. Ensure the compliance to hygienic life, there may be no chance for error correction. The catch is the virus is spreading by touch and by cough and sneezing. The symptoms start with fever and throat infection. We need to stay away from anything that would cause throat infection and increase our immunity to avoid fever. If we take care of these basic rules we will definitely serve this pandemic. 

So Let’s see how our future is going to be, actually it’s going to be more of B2B… Back to basics, being more careful while following the class's first teachings. We will have to bring the good habits back which we have forgotten somewhere and miss at times due to other priorities of work. Hence, forth our priority has to be maintaining hygiene without any excuse. 

 Wash hand after regular intervals.

 Sanitize everything that you buy from the market...

 Avoid going to crowded places

 Avoid any family get together, function or events

 Remember to wash your hand before meals. 

 Cover your mouth with hanker chief when u cough or sneeze. 

 Always cover the food 

 Exercise daily

 Eat wholesome, fresh, and healthy food

Ensure you don't travel across unnecessary. Do not plan any event for the next year or two. If at all you are planning see that you do not make it a grand event, limit the list to few invites, or even avoid. Do not plan any outing a trip, picnic for next year.

The vaccine will be discovered but it will take more than a year to cover each and every person on earth. It's not going to be easy, our next year or more is going to be around the coronavirus. You will have to ensure you have good immunity so that you can serve this pandemic. You will have to be family person and will have to possibly stay at home. Plan more activities from home and avoid going out frequently or unnecessary.

It’s going to be tough but tough gets going…so practice. Try to make a schedule of shopping only needy things. This year’s all functions, festivals, and religious events are going to be on a smaller scale or even can be held back. The best example today stands at the GSB Ganapati festival which is postponed. 

You will have to behave that seriously like you behaved at the very beginning of the pandemic. 

Ensure 

 Only one person goes out of the house for household work, 

 Wash the used clothes immediately or keep them in sunlight for some hours, the same thing applies to anything that you buy. 

 For the next one year, you cannot add the grocery direct to your shelves, without exploring it to sanitizer’s sprays, sunlight, or detergent wash.

 To add on protective tools you will have to use full sleeves, along with hand gloves, scarf or masks, etc.

If at all anyone gets infection have empathy, support the person, and give him the willpower and hope to overcome the situation. Please mind that the recovery rate is good as compared to deaths. 

This is something we need to do for individuals, but what about our duty towards the nation. We are going to fall short of something like blood, beds in hospitals, sanitizers, and face masks. Food provisions, grocery, milk provisions, medicines. See how can we contribute. Contribute to National cleanliness by not spitting on roads.

As schools will start we will need books, why not have second-hand books as we do not know if due to lockdown the books are printed or not. Maybe our books can help some poor or just a needy who is unable to go out or unable to buy them.

It was a critical time, businesses have closed, people have lost jobs and the economy is at its lowest. Let us encourage and help people find the right jobs, direct them to the right path, help People fight depression. Things will take time to fall in place but we will have to show the strength and spirit. 

Some of you may come with suggestions, then why call off the lockdown, let it continue for a month or more. Guys, you must have heard of economic crises, we are not doing well economically. People do not have money, they have lost jobs, they have migrated back to their states, maids, drivers all are suffering. Government can't help everybody directly, we will have to take initiative and help people around us. 

One more important thing to consider while we were in lockdown we were served by people like doctors, milkman, sweeper, watchman, police whom we have always taken for granted. Respect and make peace with such professions. Do not forget to appreciate them.

We have lost much more than we thought but our steps to control the spread and serve the pandemic calls for applause for all of us. We may never have such a situation in the future, but serving one more year or two with courage is something we all should look forward to.

CHEENIKAM..

I feel like landmine of emotions when I write this blog. There is so much to say and explain but I am not sure how many of you would agree to me on this.

We all know the corona story, so I am not explaining it just a catch in this story is it came somehow from China and is eating the world up. How it happened as they also suffered a lot because of it. No country would do this with their own people. No country….does china come in this list of no country?

Lets us understand some facts about China, China is not a democratic country like India. There is more of dictator ship; there are not even human rights as such. We all have struggled to stay happy and show happy happy dp’s on our status. We managed to do this for every day since last two months, how long will be able to do this? We are not allowed to move out of our house in our society. The society management is providing us everything at home veggies, fruits, grocery, eggs, bread you name it and you have it. Police is maintaining law and order on roads and other market places. Hospitals are crowded with patients and all the staff struggling every day.all business and Markets are closed and economy has crashed than ever. 

Who is responsible? We know we don’t want to go into argument and thoughts on it. Let us talk about future. We are taking precautions, using sanitizers, maintaining social distancing and we will have to do this may be for a year or more. Things seem to be in control (we console ourselves when we wash our hands frequently)

While the entire world is working for vaccine and eradication of corona, China is getting political with all the countries around. We India were always in some conflict with China like we have with Pakistan. They have been calling Ladakh and Arunachal Pradesh as their territories. Not only with India but China is pushing itself against the borders of Japan, Australia and Vietnam.

Last couple of days we have seen in news that we are facing problems at our borders In Ladakh and Sikkim. Most of countries are facing economic crises due to lockdown and no country is in state of war. But China is getting prepared for war, as per the statement made by Chinas President, who has asked their army to prepare for war.

China on the other hand is getting associated with poor countries by helping them financially. Countries who need financial help or say loans but are rejected on international forum due to their inability to fulfil certain criteria are financed by China .They finance various project such a way that the debt goes too high for the countries to return their loans. Countries like Srilanka, Myanmar and Pakistan have accepted financial help from China. 

One of the countries is Pakistan and Srilanka our very neighbours. The debt and interests are taken care that they go high with inflammation or just overrating it. When these countries would fail to repay the loans there is where China’s debt diplomacy policy comes in picture wherein they actually create such bases in different countries. Further they handle the operations there resulting slowly to increase Chinese population. Classic example is the place named Djibouti in Africa, it’s an African country and china practically owns it. This is now used by China against US to threaten them. By the way this started with strategic investment in Africa.

Let us see how China is investing; surprisingly it’s investing in a circular pattern covering every side of India. There is possibility that in case of war or emergency China will attack us from all sides.

China has lost humanity to level of creating this pandemic all over the world, what do u think will it think twice before doing any such biological attack. China wants to be a superpower and will go for it on any cost. We are not at all in state of war, but if we do not have an option to go for us, we will be at great loss as china has its investments all around us and has created their base in such a way that they can be converted to military base any time.

China is doing all this on the basis of their economical power, and its gets that power from all of us. How? We use Chinese products at extensive level. Most of the things we own are Chinese, I won’t say to throw all that you have but can we try and contribute to Indian army just by supporting them and not buying Chinese products anymore. Removing the Chinese apps from our phone also can be a good contribution. 

Mr Sonam Wangchuk has explained in his various videos the necessity to stop using Chinese products. Applications immediately within a week and other products at least in a year. Applications and software are extensively used in India at zero cost, but people are not aware what will they cost to us shortly.

India gives China business of five thousand cores by buying their products in market. This amount is used against our army on borders; do we want to buy it at that cost? Apart from this we also provide financial support thru Chinese apps, which are used by our young generation extensively

We become patriotic on 15th Aug and 26th January or when we watch patriotic movies like Bhagat Singh or Raazi. But when it comes to deleting a simple application we are not ready to do it on countries cost. I will say people are not serious yet.

Even Indian Government has asked FDI foreign directing Investment to monitor all business closely so that we do not let China enter our country thru any sort of investment.

Chinese debt trap is like getting edicted to sugar, your body needs sugar because it gives instant boost but by the time you realise it late its already late and you get trapped to Diabetes….so guys lets contribute to the nation by just a small step…………….Cheenikam. Friends we not have nay issue with the country and their people we have issues with their attitude and their unwanted activities  at our borders. 

Many of you may be of different  opinion as we somewhere  fall short against the variety and technology  China's has. Also we really do not insist for Chinese products, but if government  is making them available, public is going to buy them. Why not we do our contribution  by the time our government makes some rules against foreign  products. 

We are so fond of foreign  products that we do not even know Indian brands and their performance.We should give them chance and improvise them. It will take time to inculcate the patriotism in us  and use of  Indian products. 

With this action we also encourage our local products and help the country overcome economic crises. Its not about what political parties say but let  be swavalambi, atmanirbhar and believe in swadeshi. Don’t do it for Modi, because half the nation doesn’t want to do it because Modi has said it. Do it for our country, encourage local business, encourage Make in India. Modi has come now,but you and your country was always there right??

We have done this earlier by boycotting the British products and accepted Swadeshi. Why can’t we do it now? We have got an opportunity to fight for the country not for freedom but to save the freedom we have got after so many sacrifices. Can we save our country??

Let us not limit ourselves to enjoy freedom, stay at home stay safe, make and watch videos and be happy on thousand and lakh of likes. Do your part of contribution to the nation………CHEENIKAM 

Challenge online study

It’s the first-ever longest lockdown in India. While we are struggling to adjust to the changes coming our way, I feel like a juggler managing and balancing all the tasks, properties with equal attention. It’s the month of May and Academic New Year peeps around the corner. We do not yet have a clear idea of how it’s going to be. Central board schools have already started their webinars, video calls, etc. Some schools have started sending the videos to parents so that they get the task /studies completed from their children. Before we conclude if it’s a good way or a better way of studying, let us understand it’s the need of this hour. There is no other option left than online studies.

This is the system applied to all age groups starting from kinder garden to secondary classes. Incorporates we always practiced webinars and video conferencing but never thought it would be a method of child studies also. We always struggled to keep children away from the magnetic gadget life but seems we will have to stop now as that’s the only tool left. After cursing the invention of gadgets at times now we welcome it and hand over the same to kids.

This is going to be difficult, for students, as well as teachers. Both are used to study face to face or say in person, which cannot be replaced by any other method. Earlier the place was different like classes were conducted in open, which are conducted in closed shed premises called schools.  

Well, we already had some experience in online studies like the cd’s materials available online for various courses. Many new online learning and teaching platforms are available. That’s the boon for working professionals who wish to upgrade or learn as well as for them who would like to teach and share their knowledge. It’s also a new source of income.

Online study has its own advantage and disadvantages.

It is government norms for online education that a parent should be sitting along with the kids till class four. It will take time for children to get over and understand this new method of learning. Apart from education schools is all about friends and other activities like sports etc. The online study would be skipping this for the moment.

Some students are slow learners and take time to understand; at times they need special attention or repetitive explanation. Here parents would come in the picture to make the child understand the concept.

There would less or no more bunking.

Parents with two kids, attending online classes at the same time would be a problematic situation or unavailability of resources like gadget or network issue may be a hindrance in the flow of study. Continuity may also suffer.

I had a brief discussion on this with some of my friends, especially some who are teachers, tutors, and parents to understand their views and errors they are facing. If any of you are facing the problem mentioned in the above point, please talk to the schools or teachers they can provide you the link to the specific lecture, wherein you can review it for better understanding.

Teachers are also finding the system short as they are also used to connect with the children, the responses and the face reading would have limitations. Our teachers could easily make out if the student understood the concept or not by looking at their faces. There were chances of re explanation when taught face to face.

Also, did we realize that’s its much testing time for them, they know they are being watched by not only students but parents beside them? This makes their job more difficult. No matter how skilled a doctor you are conducting surgery on your loved one is always a challenge, it’s always a challenge if someone is judging you based on your performance.

The total onus of studies lies more on students than anyone else. Here we are talking about primary kids (Jkg to 4th), as working professionals or secondary kids can find it a bit easy.

We had everything earlier like some online apps like Vedanta, byju’s, but in order to keep our children away from gadgets, we never surfed them, now its time to know more about such sites.

I had earlier shared in one of my blogs (https://meshirish.blogspot.com/2020/05/children-and-internet-safety.html) about the care to be taken when your child is studying online where he has the chance to explore and know anything and everything.

We will have to be extra careful and take this mode of study in ease. Children may enjoy or just may get frustrated with the online studies as they do not move out meet their friends, share Tiffin’s, and have fun which they actually have in school. It will be our duty to make them understand the situation the world is going through.

This is a matter of a year or so, but accepting the challenge and making changes in lifestyle for betterment is a must. As change is the only constant…..

(A word of concern: We are not aware of the book stores have books as due to lockdown the print industry was also closed. Let us share our books with someone who is unable to reach out to the stores or is unable to buy them due to the unavailability of money. Use second-hand books)

When life loses hope... SUICIDE

Lockdown has taken so many lives, people have depressed to the extent of committing suicides. Repeated similar news made me write this blog, taking some social responsibility. I hope this may at least add to your knowledge and may be of help to anyone who is not in good state of mind. It is very disheartening when any human commits suicide due to any reasons.

It’s not that this is happening only in pandemic, we have heard of suicides due to various reasons all these years. Farmer suicide, love triangles, exam failure tensions, family issues, domestic violence, corporate stress, business failure,  failure in relationships, Inability to have kids and many more. We live a stress full life and somewhere it leads to mental illness or mental health issues.

A person commits suicide due to his inability to live happily due to any reason, but the main cause is his mental state of mind which does not allow him to come out of the thought of finishing self. Committing or assisting suicide is crime U/s 309 of IPC. Thou the Mental Healthcare Act 2017, says any person who attempts to commit suicide shall be presumed unless proved otherwise to have severe stress and shall not be punished.

According to data so far 300 people have committed suicide due to various reasons in lockdown.80 people have committed suicides due to loneliness and fear of being tested positive for Covid-19. Her figure is not important; suicide in itself is such a painful decision. I would say in a general human being has decided to not live for their own reason, but we need to understand whatever the reason was, the main cause is they were not accompanied by any family member, or friend to hear them. These human beings are not limited or restricted to any caste, region, field or financial condition.

Suicide Prevention India Foundation

Imagine they did not find anyone to talk to or share their burden before they took the decision. How come human beings got into so much of loneliness in spite of increasing connectivity tools? 

Economic uncertainty and social isolation made things worse and created mental health crises. Supporting family friends and colleagues during such a critical situation is very important. We all are worried about the pandemic and checking on our physical health, but it is equally important to check the impact on mental health also. Here we don’t need to be experts just few actions of concern may help.

Just check in- We might not be able to meet due to social distancing but you can always pick up a phone and have call. Have group chats, have video calls, let people around you know you are listening. Connect to someone you think needs to be listened to.

Listen and reflect-Thou we are in the sound of health, there are chances of getting into disturbing mental health due to the panic around or say it’s a challenging time for our mental health wellbeing. If someone is sharing their issues or concerns, you just need to listen and revert in your capacity. Many times it is not about giving a solution it’s about listening, just giving an ear. Listening to a person is a big action. Show that you are taking him seriously maybe that can help.

Ask questions- If you find someone around you is not opening up but is in some distress, you can visit them again and ask questions. At times just asking again and again or showing interest helps a person to open up. Your asking question shows the person you are interested in to know his well being.

Unfortunately, it is believed that people who are not enough strong, say fearful or cowardly tend to choose the easier way, but you never know how hard the person must have tried in his limits before taking the decision. Do not judge them. There must be people around who are silently seeking for help.

There are various platforms to discuss mental health being, there are suicide intervention centers. The volunteers are given intensive training so that they can help you deal with emotional breakdowns.

Suicide is a very important public health issue, I am writing this blog just because I care for every human being around me. Thou I am not a trained person for counseling I believe just sharing and caring would definitely help the aggrieved. 

Let us see how to overcome suicidal thinking, these points are applicable in general, today due to pandemic we have some limitations as we all are at home or say restricted to go out.

• Get out for a while: Changing the location helps if it stressful to stay at your place or visit some friends you like to stay with. working out a bit releases happy hormones, Jog at home, go for walk, dance at home. Watch your favorite movie or something you enjoy even cartoon movies. Visit new places you like to like exhibitions, library.
• Be creative: Involve yourself in some creative activities like drawing, painting, writing something new, may be short stories, poems, just making colorful rangolis, making meals, craft, art anything you enjoy doing.
• Sooth yourself: Go for Yoga, meditate, and listen to your favorite songs or even solo performance, monologues. 
• Try and relax: Take a shower with warm water trying to relax you. Take a body massage. Take a nap. Taking enough sleep can also help; if not able to relax take small naps whenever possible.
• Positive Company: Be surrounded with people who make you believe in yourself, encourage you. Keep a positive company.

If at all the thought comes, please hold yourself back thinking about your loved ones who will be in permanent pain without you. Everything in life can be gained and can be overcome to expect life, if anyone gives up.

Do a small exercise, take a pen and paper, and write down all positives in your life. It will be difficult to write them or count them in such a stage where you feel low. Life is very precious. Be thankful for everything you have, the opportunities you got. I can help you write some positives...

1. Having parents is also luck because not all have
2. Having a house to live in
3. Having family
4. Getting food twice in day
5. Being educated to read and write
6. Having all your body parts in place 

And many more there people who do not have all this and still struggle to live with high spirits. Let’s learn from them and look towards new sunrise, new hope of life, and a new day, let’s look at better tomorrow.