MeShirish

Those painful days…O Womaniya!!

Red was my favourite colour, yes when I was small about four to five years I always wanted everything bright and dark..Red. I remember I had red dress, red shoes, red purse even red night dress.

As I grew up, all of the sudden red was not that favourite for me. It turned into colour of pain, colour of suffering, some sort of inability, or say sort of binding. I was not allowed to play, not allowed to attend any religious functions, wasn’t allowed to go new places. I couldn’t go to friends place to stay overnight.

There was sort of uncomfort, followed by frequent visits to washroom just to check. I stopped enjoying my visits to play ground lost interest in sports when I missed my interschool competitions. These four days were not much spoke about, I remember we used speak in sign language or code language with friends or even mumma in public places.

I don’t know how many mothers or elders explain this to their daughters but I was not told about this till I actually learned this in standard tenth in my biology lesson. Where I understood it was something because of which women can be a mother. Comparatively I see girls or parents more vocal about menstrual cycle these days.

Some think it’s a boon to the women, who is more trusted by nature for reincarnation.

Going some years back and looking at those four days of menstrual cycles in a cultured but orthodox society, women were asked to sit or stay alone in part of house, specially made for them to use in those days called menstrual huts. It was period when she was not allowed to touch anything and anybody around. She was given this time to rest, with some work possible in that room. She was not allowed to cook, enter the place of prayer. She sat in a dark room, without even having bath. She was provided food in different utensils, which she had to clean and keep in same room.

I felt very humiliated when this happened with me when there was some religious function at my place and I was actually asked to catch a corner of my house. Even I was asked to leave my house and stay at my neighbours place as menstrual was not considered good or say not pure attending the religious event. I remember I cried a lot shouted at my mother to treat me like that, but she had no choice than to follow it.

I had an opportunity to hear Ayurvedic doctor, some year’s back who shared list of things lady should follow during her menstrual.

Ayurveda explains some of the old methods followed were not insane or unscientific.

First and most important ayurveda looks at menstruations a purification process for women like detox process. It’s only the natural advantage that women have.

While not all period facts and myths can be explained, in general the rules in menstruation are meant to help you lead happier and healthier life at this time of month.

• Physical exertion-Do not exercise too much, we live in age where we want to prove that our energy and capabilities are just as good as man. Sanitary napkins advertisements encourage you to jump, exercise and play all sports especially in these days celebrating the spirit of womanhood.

Fact: During period you lose lot of blood and are physically weak and less active mentally. Loss of blood leads to release of heat in your body. Exercising and leading active life at this time requires more blood circulation and leads to generation of heat, which is counterproductive. It is suggested to take rest to get rid of cramps and discomforts. Mild exercise is appreciated which will help you reduce cramps. Listen to your body needs.

• Hygiene- Ayurveda does not suggest head bath and cleaning yourself with cold water during this time, but of course suggests to follow hygiene. Make sure you bath from head to toe on fourth day. This doesn’t mean you are dirty because of menstruation, actually the idea behind has to do more with body heat.

Fact: First three days body is more into releasing heat while the discharging the blood. Having head bath or cleaning yourself with cold water during menstruation may interfere with the natural detox process. Head bath on fourth day culminates the cooling process that body began when you start menstruating.

• Diet: You avoid pickle, spicy food and go for more of plain, and simple food which is easy to digest. It is suggested to eat freshly cooked, warm food as well as follow the time of having it.

Fact: Women experience decreased appetite and eat lesser these days, as their internal digesting fire is low at this time. Menstruation is sometimes characterised by symptoms like heaviness, constipation or diarrhea, hence easy and digestible food is suggested. Further you need to understand your body type and have food accordingly. What is your body type, vata, kafha or pitha.

• Sleep: It was suggested to sleep on thin mats and not on fluffy comfortable mattress. It is also suggested to avoid sleeping during day and sleep early before 10 a.m.
Facts: Getting adequate rest, and sleeping as well as waking up regularly at same time, helps rejunuvate , nourish the agni and restore the strength. Talking about the sleeping on mats helps in ease on back and lower limbs, which are affected during menstruation.

These practices are believed to prevent hormonal disorders and symptoms of menopause and help manage pre menstrual stress, all of which are highly prevalent for women’s body today. It also enables the birth of healthy child.

Many other things like not attending religious function etc was followed may be for the reason to take more rest as such functions are exhaustingAlso earlier the temples were far on the hill tops and one has to travel thru dense forests,there were wild animals who could easily smell women during menstruation, that was the reason she wasn't allowed to go to temples.

I do not see logic of using same utensils and keeping it away from others, may be hygiene or washing it would keep you busy for some time.

Currently I am living in a nuclear family, where I need rest especially in those days. I am fortunate, that I get a helping hand from my husband in these days in routine activities, taking care of my child, cooking and even cleaning the house, laundry etc. I get special attention, ready tea to ease my cramps and calm sleep, but not all of us are that lucky to have someone around us to take care. In such situation the system of menstrual huts sounds soothening to me. It is impossible for working women take leave and rest every month for four to five days. In such case what she can do is just to follow the routine of her food and sleep and stick to it.

None of us will condone or ignore any practice that harms women by compelling them into menstrual huts and solitary cramps. On the other hand if the practice encourages, energize and relax women to take better care of their health. I am all for it.

Vadhu pariksha

While the world is still battling against corona, some trying to invent the vaccine, mothers and children collective struggling with online studies, some populations busy working from home, she feels frustrated and pressured by parents, society, and relatives. Along with work at home she is also struggling to make her parents understand about her inability to find the right guy. Lock down seems had made no difference in society pressures for getting married.

Remembering my part of struggle I console her, saying right guy will come across only when you meet wrong ones first.Picture abhi baki hain doston... Happz endingzz :)
She is around 30 and her parents think it's high time, and she should opt to get married without finding flaws in next guy who they would approach. In all this one of the impossible things is to get off the nagging relatives. Marriage is inseparable part of our society, we attend wedding, want to see others getting married and inspire our kids to get married. Thou I believe the theory that pairs are made somewhere in heaven, I wonder how much chaos we do for it by hitting on wrong alliances torturing oneself.

With this increasing social empowerment of women I don't know how relevant all the systems of getting married is. I wonder how girls today perceive marriage as, and what's the idea of good marriage for them.
In India, we have strange reasons to get hitched. While I discussed with my friends on this remembering our struggling days for getting married we came up new concepts of why one should marry?

Sab karte hian beta.
How will you survive alone you need a partner
See your best friend got married has kids also.
Daughters can't always stay with parents. Paraya dhan concept!
You are born to nurture next generation
Young brides look prettier than older ones

Above this was the vadhu pariksha, girl draped in a beautiful saree with pallu covering her head, is asked to sit in front of the alliance and his family and answer their questions. For those who haven't faced this may find it annoying but that's the way it happens.

Classic questions shared by some of my friends

Can you stitch? the girl holds master’s degree in mathematics.
Could you show your hand and feet, just walk along? She was a doctor.
What will you cook if their no food left and some guest arrives. She was MBA.
What is to be applied first haldi or kumkum. She was science graduate.
What was Shivaji Maharaj's full name? She was in her graduation last year.

Thou at times I agree marriages should be done in right age, so you have kids in time, and they grow up by the time you get old. But what if someone is so practical of thinking of having no kids. Thought process has changed women doesn't want to give birth and I don't find any flaws in this too. It's individual life and the way want to live life. Basically In India even today girls live the life their parents, elders choose for them. We as women are given all rights equal to men like right to study right to career but at some point we fall apart, and we fall so low, in these men dominated society. While I console my cousin to get married as her parents wish her to, I also encourage het to express and not to compromise due to society pressures. Making statements like you have darker skin, you are too healthy, too skinny have nothing to do with getting a right life partner. Such comments should be ignored. When we toss anything in air it goes upside down before it falls in right place, whenever you feel life is going upside down be rest assured that you are falling in right place. Do not get disheartened by the pressures and the changed role your parents play.
It is so much of the formality that I have seen love marriages following same procedure of vadhu pariksha and even live in couples had to go through the same. Does that make sense. To add on my part I was asked to remove my pics wearing a turban for cultural event from FB,also my Two degrees for which I studied hard thru out the year were removed from my bio data...Nagging relatives....and stressed father. Education also acted as an hindrance and I actually did not appear for CS exam. No sympathies I did it for I agreed with my parents thoughts that time. Marriage was important.
Rather than adjusting or compromising on alliance take time to find the right person in your life. There is no solution to that being vocal about it, share your views with your parents, it going to be difficult for them to understand, but they will.

Many girls must be going through this lockdown pressure but please do not run away that the fact of life face it, every girl goes through this in different way, you choose your way. Thou I have shared girls experiences here boys also go through similar but different pressure. Lockdown must have caught them too to live with the pressures of getting hitched.

Breath in breathe out.... Speak out and share.

To add upon... Kisi cheez ko agar sache dil se chaho toh puri kayanat usay tumse milane mian jut jati hain.... So think of the best.

SAHD stay at home dad

Stay at home moms is something we all know, but stay at home dads is someone you must have heard of, or may have someone around you.

It's the biggest career moves one can make. Men are always looked upon as a masculine power who has to work hard and earn for the family.

This blog I am writing specially for those dads who have turned moms who have taken all the responsibilities of the motherhood. While, we are celebrating the Mother's Day we should also ensure that we celebrate those dads who have done all the part of mothers in their absence. I have seen many cases where fathers have proved to be good parent than mothers the way they take care of their child is really worth appreciating. These days bringing up of child is not only the responsibility of mother but it is equally balanced by the father. In some cases where fathers have come forward and understood the responsibility of the working mothers. Where they accept the challenge of staying at home or working from home this is probably seen in those cases mothers job is more challenging and demands more attention. Whereas in some cases it is more of just an empathy towards mothers. While we say that mothers are not leaving any stone unturned with respect to their demands of job and career, they are giving a tough to men,on the other hand men are also balancing the same by taking care of kids sharing the burden of parenthood just by being a stay-at-home dad.

We say that dads and mum collectively bring up the children, their way of teaching the child is different. When they both are involved in physical activities with child dad tries to make the child stronger than mothers tries to make the child more sensitive. Mothers and fathers parents children differently but that is the greatest benefit the child can have.

SAHD's are not homemakers but that is the choice they have made. They encourage the woman to give her hundred percent in her career and stay more oriented and focused on her responsibilities in office. Today handing over your baby to a Nanny is of a great risk and considering the increasing crime in case of children, having your better half at home to take care of your child is the biggest asset a woman can have.

Today's Lifestyle demands both the parents to be working or say earning, in such cases I would like to share an example of one of my colleagues who was working in a day shift and his wife was working in night shift it was quite easy for them to handle the child in the absence of other parent. And the child was happy to get the complete attention of each parent when around.

It's not easy to be a SAHD because society around has a different view of looking towards him, people may think that there is a lack of motivation, or he is in a job search. Our society till date fails to handle the fact that women are equally out in the market to earn like men and men can also choose to stay at home and manage single-handedly given an opportunity.

Maternity is the biggest phase of women's life when she decides to give up on her career or to continue with the same giving up on her child upbringing. I believe SAHD have given the best gift they can give to their women by staying at home and taking care of the child leaving the mother to explore the opportunities rather than leaving her at home for the Postpartum depression.

SAHD does all every mother do for the child like taking the child to the park, having a play date,cooking for the child, taking care of the child, regular medical visits vaccines and check ups, dressing up the child to the best, attending the B-Day parties,school responsibilities of the child,attending the PTM's,eating habits basically all the responsibility that a mother does when she is at home. He does all the house chores the market,purchasing veggies and grocery managing the maids their duties and their salaries everything becomes a part of his life.

To understand it better it is more like the movie ki and ka where a man takes care of the entire house home maker and woman is one bread earner.

Where we are celebrating the Mother's Day for all his duties that a mother do we should not forget this stay at home dads who are the best mum today.

Movies are the reflection of society we live in. Where some years back we always herd mother oriented songs in movies... Like tu kitni achhi hian... Maa meri maa.In recent years we have movies like Akele him akele tum...oh I love you daddy and....... sabse acha kaun hian papa mere papa.

So this mothers day do not forget to remember and cheer up for those dads who have chosen to stay back and be SAHD.... stay at home dad

Feminist father

What was your take away from the movie ’Tappad’ the unnoticed domestic violence a lady faces in her so called happy family. Could you relate to yourself somewhere, or thought that you really understood her feelings?

Well I noticed how her dad, who supported her in the entire struggle. It was heart warming to see the father supporting his daughter than making her understand how simple it was if her husband hurt her or slapped her. Some things are just to be ignored, isn’t it? That is what we are taught. The best dialogue that won my heart was “hum log to strong log hain na beta’here him is father and his daughter. The dialogue describes the strong relationship.

Even today it’s not easy to be feminist father in the society. Fathers are always directed to keep daughters in control. We are still in society wherein daughters are looked upon as a property and father or brothers are safeguarding it till they are handed over to other family.

The feminist father is one who encourages their kids to learn more than studies and make them understand that there is no substitute to hard work. There are no prices to be paid and no apologies to be made to achieve success.

In tappad where she was into arrange marriage, and had somewhere found household responsibilities more important than her dreams. Thou, she settled on her role limited to house core activities, like many of us have ,did you note that she has the talent within her which she polished every day. Classical dance that she taught to her neighbours daughter. She on the threshold of motherhood, when woke up to violence by her husband,a slap. Her explanation to a lawyer it’s just a thappad is worth understanding than watching.

I am associated with many women groups in person or online, wherein I found strange reaction by women relating to movies subject. Some women bluntly and blindly said it was over exaggerated, it was just a slap. This ‘just a slap’ is justified in the movie.

My father gave me all the comforts he gave to my brother. The best gift he gave me was my name that doesn’t identify my gender. I was and I am no where less than a son to him. He never stopped me from wearing any type of clothes like sleeveless, in fact he was one who bought me my first jeans and my first sleeveless. My father is traditional but not conservative.Today the way he treats my sister in law and supports her as and when needed, proves him to be feminist father.

I studied in coeducation school, system where girls and boys study together. This was first step to equality.we never discussed this, we had friends as everybody around had.

It’s not easy to have feminist dad even today. Remember the movie Bareily ki barfi where dad easily accepts his daughter who smokes, is not virgin, earns and wants to marry someone who would accept her the way she is. The way her father consoles her when a boy rejects her is appreciable. One more unforgettable dad, from a movie ‘PIKU’. Who is so proud of her daughter who is independent and smart enough to take care of herself. Even is upfront when he shares his daughter is not virgin. The bonding shown is the worth. The point is accepting your daughter like your son, equally.

Today urban fathers are more vocal and letting their daughter make a choice and educate themselves. They refuse to take the local social criticism. Fathers are the first hero to kids; they want to be like him. Girls they look forward for their father’s image in their husband. Best part about feminist fathers is they not only treat their daughters well, but also ensure they do not leave any stone unturned to make their sons understand about equality.

If you want to be one, you should teach your son do household activities like cleaning utensils and daughters to fix the bulb at times. Teaching children division of labour is unrealistic idea. Balanced individual needs exposure to all duties at early age, rather than sticking to their gender.
Being feminism is an ideology and is not limited for daughters only, one has to be generous to wife's, sister's and every women round. The role is justified in movie tappad where at the end Neeta Gupta is handed over her harmonium reflects her husband's ideology wherein unknowingly she gave it away for family well-being.

Every molester or rapist was once a small child, this is exactly where the fathers can step in to seek a chance to be feminist father. Here is the important role of good parenting, where you need to teach your kids about gender equality.

I always branded myself as father’s daughter and today I am proud to say I grew up to understand and respect equality, feminism and humanism just because of my father.

Lockdown expectations

The lockdown begins….thrilling its first time I am experiencing something like this. Everyone had 21 days to do whatever they wish to. Some people were relaxed whereas some were worried about their bread and butter. Some had the opportunity to work from home and some didn’t even know what to do for the next 21 days. Some people were smart enough to plan and some even dint know how to plan. Further lockdown extended to the next fifteen days and further to the next fifteen.

Women got more into the kitchen in experimenting mode. Men who were working for endless hours also tried their luck cooking and helping to enrich their family experiences. Doctors, medical staff, police, and other forces had long duty hours now. Everybody had their own challenges and their own struggles.

Out of all this was the pressure created by news, messages, and expectations. Must have heard of a couple challenges, Saree challenge, mother-son challenge…the last line of this challenge ends with if you are my friend. Oh god, so I need to prove my friendship by displaying the pic and sharing it with other names in my contacts list. Then came the recipes flood, everyone tried to bake cakes and bread followed by the lockdown famous dalgona coffee. There were no birthday parties but celebrations will last forever in memory as it had that homemade special cake.

Next was the weight gain pressure, all were sure to gain weight as it was all about eating yummy dishes at home. Very few people actually worked out, while others kept thinking they will do it someday. Some even controlled there taste buds to control weight gain. We are going to have two sizes out, one who literally hogged to all types of food all the time, obese ones, and others especially the ladies who had a load of work and definitely will have weight loss. Results to be out soon.

One of the most stressful stresses was thinking about growing your family from two to three, the conceiving part. This is all in all a private decision of the couple, but in our country, it’s a family decision or says family pressure. As two individuals tie a knot the society is behind them to be three ASAP. Many couples are currently under this pressure in the lockdown period. Basically, these days all couples work, they have their own routines, corporate pressures, and office schedules. They get very little time for each other and actually have to plan holidays to spend time. Lockdown has given them the opportunity to stay together and thus society, elders in the family are of opinion that they should think about their families, which has created different stress on them. The fact is it would not be the right time to conceive with so much anxiety and medical emergency around with no solution yet. It is medically suggested that conceiving in such critical condition may be further problematic.
The only exercise most people get is jumping to conclusions, running down their friends, sidestepping responsibility, and pushing their luck....

Children are trying to cope with online studies and believe that definitely a challenge for them. They are dealing with different stress.

Please understand lockdown is not a holiday like any other Sundays sitting at home and enjoying. It is the best time to show that you care, but the worst time to expect. Not everyone can revert to your challenge in a few minutes and judging them on such parameters would be wrong. We all are dealing with panic and anxiety.

Many individuals are working under extra pressure in current circumstances; this has lead to professional prospects that are stress full due to economic uncertainty. They probably may get fired due to nonperformance and for sure will affect the appraisals this year. So you have to perform but not expect a good hike. Please do not have unreal expectations from your friends, colleagues, and loved ones. It is time to respect each other’s privacy, stress and support them in difficult demanding times.

Children and cyber safety

Hello friends, by now everybody must have got some schedules designed after experimenting for a month. Thirty days, in fact now more than thirty days is little too much time under one roof. Isn’t it? But did we realise that we/children are spending lot of time online than ever. Internet usage is up by 50% throughout the world.

We need to look at consequences of children been stuck to laptops, and phones just to stay connected, or learn or say entertain themselves. Please note they are at increasing risk. We are somewhere opening their roads to online harassment even sexual abuse.

Ultimately what we can conclude is this corona virus has created perfect situation for the online predators, crimes. Especially for children who are lonely and confused and unattended. How can we keep them safe as their life’s have shrinked to these small screens?

1. Open communication: Work on rules how long they can be online, while encourage their daily activities, try and find out who they are been engaged or busy with online. Also try some activities I mean practical’s to keep them away from screens. Ensure they move from their place and remain physically active. Help children express, by asking them questions about their feelings.

2. Try and keep children away from gadgets, bit difficult these days so we can schedule a no screen time. Discuss good hygiene practices. Make it more practical in day to day life practices. Telling stories, pretending or drawing can be some ways of making child comfortable and make them feel safe. Try and do house chores collectively and safely.

3. Use protection tools: Check the device your child uses has latest software and antivirus updated. See that the privacy settings are on. Use of webcams should be limited or just closed or covered when not in use. Establish rules for use of internet. Parental controls can minimize the risk for younger ones

4. If you have younger children see that you have safe search on Google, set up parental control. Increased online exposure has heightened risks for child safety. Discuss internet with children, to make them understand it in better way, what the appropriate behaviour looks like on such platforms like video chats.

5. Protect privacy: Watch what information your child is disclosing, especially the personal information. Teach your children to maintain privacy from strangers no matter how good and real they seem. See who are they connecting to? Of course watch on their online friends list.

6. Your child never needs to share his photograph, full name or other details online while they use any online learning resources. Use reliable resources for online games or studies. Be in touch with online children education facility .Parents groups or community groups can be a good idea to know about the Childs learning and support each other.

7. Observe your children for distress signs, such as becoming withdrawn, being secretive, depressed or just upset. Changes in their behaviour can be the signs or results of their online activities.

8. Be familiar with safeguarding or bullying policies-Harassment policies have the respective contacts or hotlines in emergency like in case of inappropriate content. Bullying or harassment at young age can be big hindrance in growth of the child. It can effect to the extent of spoiling the life of the child.

9. While we are trying to keep them active physically by exercise, also ensure they do some eye exercise to maintain health of eyes.

If we look around every child is fascinated with the gadgets, which has direct effect on their thought process and eyes. Due to lockdown now schools have taken up online studies and are teaching children doing advanced activities online .So officially we are forced with the online education system to handover the laptops or mobiles to children.
Finally how can I forget Tiktok....no words public is so crazy for this app. While it's made for fun,it has become everyday job for many. Moreover children are exposed to the world for entertainment.

Educating them online, no wonder if not paid attention the generation can be most hurt generation in all sense due to loss of time and sources during lockdown and its consequence for entire year.
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Princess for the rescue

Cartoons have been unseparated parts of our childhood memories . I was big fan of Tales spin, Duck tales and Jungle Book. Me and my siblings never missed those on sundays because they came on Sundays only on doordarshan , and we had nothing called cable those days. So Sunday was funday and holiday.

We have variety of cartoon channels today. We can watch as and when we want. I still watch cartoons with my daughter, but miss those of my childhoodones. Today's cartoons do not interest me much, but I watch them to check the content so that I give my daughter exposure to appropriate things and language.

My daughter watches two cartoons, her favorite ones. One of them is Masha and the bear. The story revolves around a girl Masha, naughty, mischievous and one who wants to know and learn everything. Her fun out of her adventures,stories topics and understanding helps me understand what these brains think or fantasies about. I closely relate her to my daughter.

One day my cute little princess was struggling to tie robe around her neck and jump saying "Masha for the rescue". I asked her what is that, don’t jump you will get hurt. She said, Mom I am super women, I am on duty to rescue. I was bit surprised at her words. Do you want to be saved? Saved from what?i asked 'Anything mumma, I will come to rescue you. When dad is not around, you need not worry I am here to rescue you"

Masha a little girl who wants to be superwomen and the idea is helping someone, rather say saving someone from trouble, rescue anybody who needs help.Struggling for an opportunity, finally at the end of the day manages to rescue her friend bear. By the way 'rescue' is my daughters newly learned word so it has to be used at comfort.
My daughter is four years old trying to understand the world through cartoon characters. I am happy stories are changing from a delicate princess waiting for her knight in shining armor to save her to a brave girl who can help herself. She is ready to roll her sleeve and rescue anyone who needs help.Here she feels she is as strong as her dad rather more than him, as she talking times gives him. Offer to be saved.
I guess our roles are changing and I am happy they are changing at such young age. With this thought process of hers she made me realise how I am growing up my little princess.

The Best part is she doesn’t see her ever at that place where one needs help.I hope we all make our daughters that strong and capable physically and mentally as well. We need to make them independent, economically independent, mentally independent.
I don't know what would take them to be wonderwomen,a superwomen but yes we can definitely try and make them capable and independent of their thoughts and values.

Time to pull up your socks

Guys, we are around the corner hardly a day away from the lockdown to be called off. There is a possibility that we will be allowed to move out for some time. Of course, the red zones will remain closed. So ones in green and orange zones get ready to go back to routines.
Everybody is eager to go out, move around. while you are getting ready and you look at the mirror with looks without salon visits, let's call it the raw look. You will feel more anxious. its ok hold yourself, don't be your critic. It was time that permitted us fewer options for workout and more opportunities to serve our taste buds. So what if it has added some kilos to you to look more healthy. Do not worry for these cushions will fade in a couple of workouts. You have played this winning at best and survived with good results.
Ladies, it starts with what to wear. We all have been in the house cooking and eating all time without workout like no one is watching. So I guess there are going to be trials of dresses, we are going to take longer to get ready.
Before you feel afraid of the critics outside, think that you were fortunate enough to be at your own place, in your house with your loved once. The lazy look in your most comfortable wears is done and you need to be presentable now.
The first outing on your list is going to your salon and spa, so relax do pamper yourself. Do not be hard on your body, for the increased waist length. Start with your regular exercise, workout and you will be back. Do not body shame yourself
We have been through tough times and all we need is positivity and empathy. While we expect it from others why not have it for ourselves. Others may not approve our raw looks, but the fact is, in all these crucial days what we have earned is some self-love.

Main meri favorite Hunn.... Aur aap??

Managing Covid19 impact on children

Changes are certain but difficult to accept for each one of us, children are most likely to be affected more if not addressed in time.
Today's scenario is very scary for us, but equally new for children, for them it's just police around you can't meet anyone, you can't touch anyone, no handshaking, no going out, all malls shop's closed. Everybody at home, no garden, no friends. Elders in repeated serious discussions, news channels on, masks on faces.
Mummy what is corona?? Where is it? Why it is not going?? When can we go to grandpa n granny? My four-year-old daughter keeps asking. It’s more than a month we are at home. Initially, for some days she didn't notice much, as both of us and my husband are at home. But now after a month, she is a bit restless and of opinion to go out, go to the garden and play with her friends.
Children get easily affected by their surroundings. As this health crisis unfolds we need to attend children more for their emotional well-being. As children see a fear, worry, and uncertainties around them they feel low and insecure. They can show a high risk of emotional stability and disruptive behavior or maybe irritated at small things around; they may seek more attention and act accordingly to get some. Eating and sleeping disorders can be seen along with disturbing behavior.

We need to observe them and be empathetic towards them. Ensure your support and care and see to it that they acknowledge it. See that they can feel your concern and can share their thoughts with you. They may share directly or indirectly, but as an elder, we need to make them believe in us and our care, love, and support towards them.

Social distancing should be strictly followed but ensure its not social isolation for children. Children need quality time, especially with their loved ones. They have their friends, maybe school friends, neighbors, and family members like grandparents who they need to see, talk and play. While you make them understand social distancing ensure they do not miss these people from their life.
My daughter is very fond of her grandparents and due to pandemic situations, they are caught up at Indore. We ensure she speaks to them on video chats at her comfort as and when she wants, and for any longer time, she feels. We also connect her to her friends once in a day.

Avoid holding information from children as they feel more stressed. Make yourself available to them and try to answer their questions. If they can access books, or websites even advertisements on television in commercial breaks. These days we see the handwashing that is hand hygiene breaks on various channels, let children watch and understand it. Avoid constant negative discussions and watching the news in front of children.

We need to see that we reassure them about their safety and safety of their loved ones. Follow the fixed routine, that is their daily meals, bedtime, playtime so that they feel all is well and as it was earlier. Regulation is a must. We should ensure children’s self-regulation. i.e. Engage them in various activities that help them self regulate. Following regular activities like exercise, meditation, sleep, meals, play.

It’s very essential for children’s physical and emotional well-being, to ensure family or elders can meet their basic needs.
Keep children busy, when they get bored they may reflect disruptive behavior. Give them creative activities where they can put their mind and soul and forget the panic situation around i.e. like clay molds, painting, drawing, crafts. Let them help in household activities to keep themselves busy.

Let them know their simple acts will save them from problematic situations like maintaining hygiene, washing hands, using masks, having healthy food, like fruits, veggies. Let them control the situation their way then, and then they will feel they have the control and can take care of the situation. Let them help in household activities if they are interested.

If the children feel insecure and there is emotional breakdown due to activities around in society, they can even be treated by sharing positive stories happening around them.

Last but important seek professional help if the child shows signs of trauma. If the child shows different patterns like sleepless nights followed by nightmares, increased aggression, or self-harm and it doesn’t get resolved by support look for professional help. There are telehealth therapies that can be done over a phone call or video chat.

We will have to be at peace and maintain it in our house until the lockdown is called off. Also, see that you do not make your child addicted to unwanted gadgets or habits. Attend them and see that you satisfy their questions out of what they are observing around.

This is definitely a passing phase, and we will soon be out of it. But there are always learnings. It's not going to be very easy or normal even if the lockdown is called off. So let's prepare for it. Our mental well-being is equally important as physical fitness.

Don't wait for the rain

What do I next Mumma? My daughter asks. I suggest a new activity to keep her busy. After an hour again she has the same question.

This must be happening with many of us after intervals. It's not that difficult to be busy, there are so many options. But on broader view studies say there has been exclusive use of YouTube, half of the population is watching web series, Tik Tok. People are more into entertaining self-phase than learnings or studying.

Let us not think for time being, have a broader view. Think about what you want to do once the lockdown is called off. Where you want to be. What are the changes you would like to see around, see in yourself? We are still not completely recovered to call off the lockdown. None of us are aware as of now how long this can stretch. How to deal with this limitless free time. Let me narrate a story with the same reference

Once, Lord Indra due to some reason got upset with Farmers, and out of anger he almost cursed the farmers that there will be no rain for 12 years & they won’t be able to produce crops.
Farmers begged Lord Indra to take back his words, after repetitive requests Indra finally said, it will rain only if Lord Shiva plays his Damru. On the other hand, he secretly convinced Lord Shiva to play it after 12 years. Farmers when requested lost Shiva, he mentioned the same. Disappointed Farmers had no option but to wait 12 years for rain.
One of the farmers was regularly digging, treating & putting manure in the soil & sowing the seeds even when no crop was emerging. Other Farmers were making fun of him. One day they finally asked him why he was wasting his time and energy when he knew that rains will not come before 12 years.
He replied “I know that crop won’t come out but I’m doing it as a matter of “practice”. After 12 years I will forget the process of growing crops and working in the field, so I must keep doing it so that I’m fit to produce the crop the moment there is rain”
Hearing this Goddess Parvati said to Lord Shiva “You may also forget playing the Damru after 12 years!” the innocent Lord Shiva in his anxiety just tried to play the Damru, to check if he could….and hearing the sound of Damru there was rain and the farmer who was regularly working in the field got his crop emerged immediately while others were disappointed.

It is the practice that keeps us perfect. The practice is the essence of quality survival.
So, keep sharpening your skills, practice with what you have, upgrade your skills and knowledge. Focus on your skills today, so that you are ready to meet the challenges and get the best results.

Make the best use of this free time, it's testing time and it will pass with a better tomorrow. Think what is that, which holds you back at times, something which you lack and is important for growth. You will be surprised when the lockdown opens up having you more enriched and brighter.

Read a lot, enrich your mind and your thoughts, Learnings never go waste, so learn and learn. Join online courses. Start reading, develop skills.

Its the right time to stay close to books and knowledge while we follow social distancing .

Managing self with Time

Shaping the generation next

Schools have taken up online education, children have become more gadget-savvy and for those whose schools haven't yet parented are referring to next year's syllabus and making children study.

It's the month of April and May summer vacations. I remember we used to have fun all these two months. There was the provision of camp in those days also but very few and for a short time as well. Nowadays summer camps long for months, it is almost other academic courses for children. Children learn many more things like sports, art, gymnastic dance during these two months.

Due to lock down we are unable to send children out so there are online options available.

My idea of writing this blog is what are we teaching our children, how are we grooming the next generation. Our job is not only to send children to camp but also to see what are the additions in the content, what are we looking forward to. What is the quality that we are seeking in for our children? How do we want our children to be? To look like?

Are they going to be cultural, philosophical mythological heroes, No, it is difficult.

According to the concept of Hindu tradition which represents four ashrams the stages of human life.

Here I am talking about the stage brahmacharya ashram. It is a Vedic ashram system. I hope you recollect that it was about the learning phase of children when they were sending to Vana i.e. Forest to their teacher guru's ashram. Children were handed over to their gurus to bring out the best in them. It is difficult to follow the system, but what about the teachings, the content.

I had been to Sandhipani ashram this January. It is a place where Krishna Balram and Sudama studied. Here they were taught all together 64 skills to master the art of living. Let's have a glimpse at a few of them. Apart from singing, painting, dancing, playing musical instruments they were also taught to Cover the bed with a bedsheet, Needlework, and weaving, playing with thread, Carpentry, Testing silver and gold, combing hair, talking with fingers, prediction of heavenly voice, making garlands, understanding animal and birds movement, poetry, medical, perfume making and healing with perfume, aromatics, flower decorations, cooking, palmistry and many more. Here the trained students were the prince of the different provinces as well as poor as Sudama. The idea was to make children self-dependent, thou they had so many sevaks, the domestic help at their service. The teachings were basically the values of humanity.

The idea is this all made them 'Swavalambi'

Self-sufficient, self-dependent. Are we training our children for a few of these? Are our children self-dependent can they serve food for themselves, can they stitch their clothes if needed? Do they have a good knowledge at least on birds and animals around, just names? Do they pick up their plates after their food? What are we teaching them, who we want them to be?

My concern is just to make children self-sufficient, good enough to take care of their life. Once they master a skill or art their confidence will be high with reduced dependency in them, to face no matter what situation comes.

Let's have some Vedic teachings from ashram at home, to shape our next generation at the best we can.

We are developing but in this case, we are going in opposite directions. We are choosing out of all, why choose to explore all possible knowledge and important is believe in gender equality, teach your child may it be girl or boy. Prepare both of them for challenges.

My concern is just to make children self-sufficient, good enough to take care of their life. Once they master a skill or art their confidence will be high with reduced dependency in them, to face no matter what situation comes.

Happy Akshaya Tritiya

Let's have Me time

I was attending a training some years back, we were given a task in a training, to spend a day all alone doing anything you want travelling anywhere you want without mobile.

Many participants did it,they actually left home early morning with some cash to travel without cellphones. They took the bus, train they wished and travelled to some new place they wanted to. They explored new places, new people, new food and most importantly new themselves. They never got ample of self time. There is nothing that could make us turn back and see where we started and where we stand.

We are so much in this world of gadgets and internet that we feel uneasy without them. We are so engulfed by this inventions of android and internet that it has almost become our breath.

Today during this lockdown internet and gadgets have become more than breath for humankind.

While I sit and relax, fed up with web series, facebook,emails I see my daughter playing with her toys and husband working on his laptop referring some law books,i wonder isn't it a blessing that we are together at our own house, at our comfort in such period of medical emergency.

While we are forced to have self time, can't imagine what people will do if the internet, mobiles, other applications do not work for a day .

We have different world altogether within this small gadget along with twitter facebook, web series, YouTube,we have forgotten that we exist and will exist beyond all this. This all so called are tools of entertainment and were invented to make our life's hassle-free,but it has almost become our life today without all this our life doesn't exist.

We have all possible or substitute options like instead of reading books at actual we have e-books, instead of writing letters we mail, instead of writing we type.

This time is to hold back and think. Write instead of typing to feel the thoughts when you hold the pen as your hand moves along to pen down your thoughts. Don't you remember the fragrance of new books in the beginning of the academic year.Dont you feel empowered when you actually hold the book in your hand.

What are we up-to, everybody around is busy in tiktok videos, observing YouTube videos, sharing information in watts app without ensuring if it's the right one.

Sit back relax,switch off your gadgets phones, emails, televisions,laptop and just be. You can actually feel your breath and realise you are alive. Sit with your parents, your siblings, your kids, your partner.

The mother you remember is older than you think she has got wrinkles on her skin, but the spark in her eyes when she looks at you is still the same. Look into your partners eyes isn't it long that you both actually sat together and spoke your heart out. Sit with your siblings and see all childhood memories flashing in front of your eyes. Play with your kids and see how smart the generation has become, share your school stories, success stories with them.

Discover yourself try your luck with cooking, drawing, reading. Encourage each other. Motivate if any of your family members feel low. It's crucial time and we need each other than anything else.

Lockdown inspiration

Some stories to inspire you

Apart from work from home, women cooking various yummy dishes the Saree challenge couple challenge, online school activities family bonding there are many good things happening around.

People are distributing food to the needy and poor so that they do not suffer due to lockdown. Humans are showing concern to street animals, stray dogs, by providing them food.

People are donating money, food, masks, to needy people on the streets. Human beings have stood together against this medical emergency.

People at further levels in various society are following lockdown and it rules sitting at home, maintaining social distance

Celebrities are making videos to teach homemade masks and motivating people by recording messages, patriotic songs, and messages.

Police are doing their duties at best taking all the risk of infection to keep people safe.

Doctors and their staff are working day and night for all the infected patients without visiting their home for weeks.

A couple in Washim, who struggles for the provision of water has utilized this lockdown period to dig a well. The well is dug in the last 21 days and is 25 feet deep.

They have utilized this period to find solutions thinking about their problems after the knockdown is over. They seem to be farmers. They also followed the social distancing concept by doing it all alone.

Four painters from some state for caught up in UP due to lockdown. They were provided shelter at a primary school till the lockdown was in practice. After living school for a couple of days they realized that the school wasn't painted for years. Using their free time and skills they painted the school when provided with basic instruments like colors and brush.

Isn't this worth admiring and keeping spirits high...... let's look at the glass half-filled than the glass empty.

Deal with rumours Chanakya niti

Rumours are dangerous than any weapon and can lead to more serious consequences. what are rumours? Any information or news which comes from sources but is not true.Recently we have seen many cases wherein humans have suffered to the extent of loss of life.

We receive many messages, through different sources orally, thru whatsapp and we simply forward it at times without giving it a thought, without knowing the facts. Intentions are not always bad,we are careless and sometimes just least bothered about the consequences.
The police have been arresting people who are responsible for such mishappenings, due to rumors caused by lack of knowledge.During lock down period this rumours actually act as a weapon to kill human species.
We need to understand the seriousness of act we do. Take the responsibility of your act by just being bit crefull. Just simple thought of what will be the consequences or impact of the false information, what are the chances of information to be true.
Here I would like to share small story of Chanakya and his three tier test to understand and evaluate the information before you share.
Chanakya, as we all know is known for his knowledge,wisdom and his thought process which is also called Chanakya Niti.He was a diplomat and great thinker.

One day a known person visited Chanakya.while they both were talking, he said 'I came to know something about you some time ago from a friend of yours.
Chanakya known for his wisdom and thoughts smiled at the person and said, Ofcourse, before you share what you heard about me let me ask you three questions.

First is about truthfullness.

Is it true what you have heard about me?
The person replied No,I am not sure, just heard it from someone.

Second question is about Goodness

What ever you have heard is it good about me to know?
The person replied No it's not good to know.

Neither it's not true nor it's good so let's do the third test, the third question is about usefulness

What ever you have heard and want to tell me is it of use to me?
The person very quietly said no it's not of any use to you.

Chanakya further added what ever you heard about me and want to tell me is not true, it's not good and is of no use to me, so what's the point knowing it.

Let us try and implement this three tier system before sharing any information with anyone.

Ensure If it is true,if it good and if it's of any use to anyone. If you keep hearing or receiving such news, stories,please share this story with one who shares such information with you.

This is not only for this lockdown period but also in our day to day life once we are thru this difficult times.

Let us collectively make an positive aura around. Aura of good health and positivity.Let us try and be responsible.Spread awareness,love and not hatred.

Relating to relations

After working as Human resource specialist for 17 years in corporate,I am more inclined to look at every humanbeing around as a candidate,with same perspective. We are taught about human behaviour, body language, how to analyze based on the persons behaviour, answers or reactions.

We interview people and based their answers reactions and observations we recruit them. But when it comes to relationships in our lives how do we deal with them do we have these standards.

We do not have this option for any of the relation other than marriage and friends. We have choice but no standards.It just clicks. I also had big list like any other girl for marriage of course , but finally I slowed down and understood the meaning of real relationship.

No relationship can be perfect, relationships are about imperfect people coming together to live perfect life. We all are like jigsaw puzzles, we fit into each other to form a nice picture. Our palms have places between our fingers for some else to hold it.

Imagine about any relationship may be your parents, siblings, friends, wife, husband and think about what should be the contribution of two people to have successfull relationship,both will have to contribute to make it 100%.

How much should each person contribute?should their share be 50%?at actual it my go less than 50%?
Dont we compare with our friends. You must be having friends who never call back.At some moment you will also think before you call them if she/he doesn't why should I? What percentage are you giving to this relation ?? Less than what your friend gave. When we say we are giving 50% the fact is you are holding back other 50%.

Guys at some point both sides will go so bad that the relationship is almost on artificial breathing - ventilator.

Both the partners in any relationship may be friends, siblings, cousins, betterhalf, all should give their 100%, isn't it?? Relationships needs effort, adjustments, forgiveness,acceptance.It's based on some interest,an emotional connect.

We are in lockdwon period,are we giving that 100% to our relations.Are we doing needful to nurture our relation.what is your role in keeping the particular relation alive.In any relationship there has to be giving, sharing, caring, concern all the time and not only on special occasions like B-Days or festivals. Relationship blossoms when you give your 100% all the time. Specially when your partner is low because of what ever reason. You need to take step towards your partner, your friend, to make them comfortable,help them,serve them,stand by their side. Let's try and do the famous Shahrukh Khan step keep your arms open and just give a hug.

In case you have some issues with friends family partner, think why are you together. This why will keep you connected. Always discuss, communicate, keep clarity of thoughts at equal level mentally. This WHY will keep you together, will hold your relation.

In any relationship there is going to be comparison about earnings, education, needs you just need to bring it at one level. If wife doesnt earn bring her at your level as she manages house,kids,family all single handed. She is contributing in a differnt way by her work, her care. As a parent discuss your child's dreams their further plans aspirations. Contribute together towards full filling it. Show concerns if they come across failures rather than blaming for wrong decision.
Your friend can be like your sister,your brother can be your friend, your mother can be your sister or a friend, your husband can be your buddy, your daughter can be your guru,yes sometimes kids simply teach you the hardest things of life. do not limit any of your relation in any bounded word, explore it, let it take its shape, let it have the interchangable roles.

Celebrate your relations, give them 100% no matter what. Be the part of beautiful picture formed by the jigsaw puzzle.
Create a aura around every relation,let everyone admire your relation,take it to next step where there would be only understanding,care,love, and concern.

Super women syndrome

After working in corporate for almost 17 years, I felt like my life almost took a U turn.I am a house wife since last 5 years, a full time mother and frequently a wife. Collegues are replaced by neighbours and all people in family are my bosses, everyone gave me deadline based on their work timings.
After frequent meetings with ladies around may be neighbours and mothers of my daughters friends I realised every lady wants to be a 'Superwomen'. The term reminds me of women posing like maa Durga with different weapons in her hand like books, utensils, grocery bag, veggies, medicine.It feels like every lady around wants to be the best wife, best mother, best daughter in law, best cook and even best neighbour. I felt like they are stretching themselves to best possible and then to worst. They are literally working for twelve to fifteen hours.Getting up early at 5 am to sleeping at 11pm or so. It is very disheartening to see the way women is treating herself. Above all this she easily ignores health.They stretch to the extent that they harm themselves and do not even realise it.

We want to 'Do it all' on ourselves, single handedly....is it?? Why??

So let's make a priority list include everything that matters and that is important .

Go thru the list a final check, I am sure you are not on the list, because you are not your priority. Exactly this is what we are doing to ourselves. We are busy stretching ourselves at best, till it turns worst, worst on you health wise, mentally as well as physically.

We all are educated, and suppose some are working too. We give all our strength to our job no matter at office or at home. . We are suppose to cook,suppose to serve,suppose to handle the kitchen, kids. No complains we do it and we love to do it so we do it. It's all in our bringing up, our dear mothers have taught us,isnt it?

Somewhere our aunties, uncles, grandparents, who are termed as society, have different views on how we should behave, should treat others, should wear and much more. We adhere to all this out of faith, teachings, and need of society.

Society never taught us to keep ourselves in the priority list, not even last. They never taught us to be at out comfort. Many times we feel, anxiety, nervousness, irritation ,restlessness, uneasy, inability to focus,pain somewhere which is not physical, memory issues, muscle tension at times, sleeplessness,or excessive sleep,or just a unhappy feeling. I used to feel like these symptoms, I took it as illness and tried paracetamol on it.

Memory issues, I just laughed on it couple of times but internally felt worried. Less sleep and excessive sleep almost ruined my health. Over period of time I realized its just because of taking too many challenges at one time.The 'do it all' women -A Super Women.

It's not super women but Super women syndrome. Yes and we actually need to pay some attention to it, help yourself and treat it the right way.

When we deal with lot of things together, it's very common to feel stressed, fatigued.After running behind things and people throughout the day if you feel unhappy lost instead of feeling fulfilled or empowered,you need help.

How to deal with this?

Talk to your family, friends, delegate duties, share the burden may be work or activities.Let other family members contribute their help in your activities.

There is no need to do everything by yourself.

Forget things that give you stress or acts that does not make you happy.Do not indulge into any activity that you are doing unwillingly. Do not do any activity at the cost of your happiness. Mind your business.mind your activities.

Understand and accept your capability and inability. There can be some things you cannot do. Accept your inability . Let the capable person do the job. It's OK, if you are unable to perform.

If something gives you stress, thinking is not going to help you nor it will reduce your stress. So ignore, move on, stop thinking.Perform do not worry about the results.Be positive to yourself.

Relax- Give some time to yourself.Enjoy some hobby. Do anything that gives you happiness.look back at your life, what fascinated you the most, movies, painting, reading, trekking.whatever it is practice it, if it gives you happiness

Self care is very essential elements of our life to make it enriching. Being selfcaring is not being selfish. Try and show concern to the face in the mirror, try and make that face happy.

Perfection is not constant it's a relative word. Do not run behind it. No one is perfect. It's an illusion. If you have an perfect image in your mind, please understand once you attain its either over or it changes.

For example it's not about having fat body, or thin body it's about having healthy body.

So ladies do not try to put on your chaddies on your suits or sarees to be a superwomen. It's OK being bit inefficient bit incapable.

Go to the mirror ,see the image , try and make it smile.... Because unless and until you have it in you, how will you give it to someone.

Elephant chain syndrome

I was very much of the opinion that I cannot even float on water. I used to visit the canal a couple of times. The canal is a man-made strip of water used for irrigation or public use. There was a special arrangement for washing clothes along its bank. We often visited with cousins and a couple of times I tried to swim but failed. The feeling of getting drown scared me. This somehow pulled me back and I could not learn to swim. Further, as I grew older I was sure I won't ever learn swimming. I was chained by my thoughts when I was young. This reminds me of elephant syndrome.

A baby elephant at a very young age is tied with ropes and chains. Elephant tries to set himself free by struggling for a couple of days and months. Over a period of time, he realizes he cannot break the chain or rope, and thus he stops struggling. As the elephant grows he does not even try to free himself but the fact is he can easily break the chain if he wants to.

This syndrome happens with humans also. Children who are really not good in studies or say are poor in studies, do not show that thirst for knowledge. Their childhood failure or experience holds them back.

Children who are treated inferior due to their friends, cousins or siblings get into superiority complex as a reaction to it. They are chained by their belief and thoughts that they go through at a young age.

This syndrome is nothing but a memory, a fear that a person carries for a longer time, And over a period accepts it as a fact.

But the difference in human and elephant is you can overcome your fear your thoughts, provided you want to. I learned swimming last year and it was not at all hard for me. At some moment I decided to overcome the fear of water. I learned different strokes, diving and today it's my fitness exercise. Many people do not have certain food because they have some history related to the consumption of that food. Sometimes a childhood fear gets converted to phobia, and it's very much medical condition. It has to be treated by doctors.

We can overcome simple fears that hold us back. Sometimes we do not try and without thought we conclude on it, which in the long term may not be beneficial.

One of my friends did not have citrus food or fruits because his father showed an allergic reaction to it. He thought that I will be hereditary but then due to deficiency he always suffered from mouth ulcers and it was to such extent that he could not have food for week or more. Further after ten years he introduced citrus food in his diet and got rid of ulcers. We need to just turn back and work on our fears. We can definitely overcome it.

We should turn back and work on our fears to overcome it. At a young age, it's just belief that turns into decisions. let us not have any fear, explore the fun, Overcome your fears. Give it a try maybe something that didn't work earlier, things may work for you over a period of time. Things change, our physical abilities also change.

Let's keep the difference, we are not elephants. Try and break the chain for betterment.

Art of cleaning

Every holiday we get may be weekends, national holidays or just bunk no matter what my husband starts cleaning all the house saying its all cluttered.Things should be placed this way, best part is next holiday he again manages to call his last holiday work clutter.

Basically we all want things to be in place but fail to do so. Why ? We all are taught by our mothers to clean the house, but how to clean is all in all a different study.

Everybody has their own concept of cleanliness. For some It's limited to house,they manage to clean, dust their house everyday, for some it limited to themselves,they like to clean their desk, cupboards, or just themselves we call it hygiene. We have some standards like clothes are kept in cupboards,books in bookshelf utensils in kitchen trolleys.

Understanding it better let us go deeper, how are we suppose to keep clothes in cupboard, hanging, folding, wrapping or dumping.

A friend of mine once shared her experience.It was couple of years back when she was single and working as an Manager in an MNC. She was very busy and couldn't organise her house and wardrobe for a week or more. Similar was case with her 1RK flat. One Sunday morning Nun (sister from Church) visited her place to see her. While she was having bath, Sister was sitting in her room. Her room was all cluttered with all the bags, documents, magazines, clothes fallen around. It took 45 mins or so for her to come out. When she came out her room was clean. All books, newspapers, bags, bed all was clean to her surprise. Sister was sitting on a chair smiling at her.My friend felt very nervous and was ashamed for sister had to clean everything for her. But the sister quietly and calmly smiled and said if you cannot organise your house how will you organise your life. She opened her wardrobe and saw her clothes were all ironed and kept in different compartment as per their size and use. That day onwards when ever I visit her I see her wardrobe is just so aligned.

I tried doing this couple of times but then finally chalked down the way of cleaning house. Let me share some tips.

This applies to kitchen utensils wardrobe, bookshelf,toys or most of the things around.

First sort things as per their duration of use, like frequent, daily, once in six months or so.

*Things we need frequently or dialy should be kept handy,others can be kept bit away from dialy functions.

* Keep things in order, like the things that you need dialy can be sorted in order as per their needs.

To do above mentioned activities we need to follow basic rules.

Define places for everything at home.
Everyperson must make an effort to identify his comfortable place for his belongings.
Everyone should keep things back in identified place.
Make some standards,use small boxes, compartments and drawers etc
Define the way or methods of compiling things. Like every loose paper should filed in a particular file. All jackets or coats should hanged with help of hanger.
Study books and novels should be kept at different places or different shelf. We can further bifurcate them based on language or class divisions.
Waste should also be placed based on their further use. many times we reuse clothes as dusters after we stop wearing them.
Remove unwanted stuff. Most difficult task,identify unwanted stuff and keep it at some. Place. Observe for next six months or defined duration. If you did not need them it's actually unwanted.
Make list of things you need once or twice in a year.Once you know them identify a place away from daily functions.Keep the list for reference.
Make a time table,define a day or check list for all the changes made. Supervise it, duration can be decided - frequently in the beginning like weekly ,later make it twice month and then monthly.

Hope these simple tips help you to understand the art of cleaning.

Parenting #2 Confidence boosting

My daughter's first performance in school brought tears to my eyes. I believe it happens with every parent. It is a memorable moment for everyone to see their child performing.

Children have their own interests and it's our duty to encourage them in whichever field they perform, or they would like to explore. We should try and expose them to every possible field so see what interests them.

Let us see how we can encourage them, or say how we can build their confidence.

1. Children should feel secure about your presence. They should realize is that no matter what happens you as a parent are always with them. It gives them a sense of security and boosts confidence.

2. Always address your child with their name. Let him have the ownership of the name, have an identity. ensure they know the meaning of their name. Further to the meaning they definitely try and be like their name.

3. Give them a task that is possible for them. Let them lead and guide you. To your surprise, they may perform best out of it.

4. Always involve children if there is some discussion and decisions are to be taken in the house or in the family. .let them put forth their thoughts. Appreciate their way of thinking.

5. Give them undivided attention. Avoid entertaining any phone calls or any person except its urgency. Let them relax and speak their heart out.

4. Always talk positively about your surroundings, friends, family in front of them. Let them overhear you talking positively about them. Avoid negative talks or complaints.

5. Encourage them to develop new skills, appreciate their art or skills by hanging it on the walls or displaying it. Create a wall of fame.

6. Never compare them with other kids or siblings. Let them know they are unique and can have their own liking and interests.

7. If they face failure, let them know it's their wrong method or wrong choice not who they are. Encouraging them to try again. Let them know failures are the first step to success.

8. Watch on their companies, ensure they have good friends, positive people around.

9. Hug them on their achievements, hold them on failures, always love them.

10. Give them small goals and help them achieve it, guide them on way to success.

You standing besides gives them the power to face the world, stand tall, stand along. Let them fly in the clouds of challenges. They will definitely make you proud.